Concerned about DH

[MrsBrooks]

At first it was funny but not I'm actually getting really worried. Alot of it is general common sense, like he genuinally didn't realise that newborns can't eat solid food and asked if we went for a curry would the baby just have something mild like a korma, not joking!

I'm wanting to start buying stuff, just basics like bodysuits and sleep suits and we have just had yet another argument as he only wants me to buy 2 if each because he thinks on the day his child is born we are going to go clothes shopping! He believes that everyone is going to buy us everything. Our families arent that big and we are more likely to get outfits rather than the basic stuff, he thinks im wrong. Plus we have been given money to get some basic stuff. Doesn't want me to buy any bedding, cos ppl will buy this for us. Doesn't think we should buy things like wet wipes or nappies till babies here. Does he not get that babies need changing cos the poop and vomit frequently? We would have 2 of each clothes items in his world. I'm not talking about buying loads of outfits or anything, just the very basics. Am I being unreasonable?


He believes that his life e.g sleeping won't be affected as I'm going to take care of it all, that I'm going to clean the house everyday and have tea on the table when he comes in. This is expected from day 1. I have tried to explain how difficult it will be at first just finding our feet and coping with lack of sleep and he thinks I'm making it up. The actual comment made was " I'm not going to work all day for you to sit at home and live the life of Riley" like I'm gonna be sitting watching the TV the whole time!!

He really doesn't get it. Ive tried talking to him and getting him to read books etc but nothing works. It's so bad that I'm actually worried about how I'm going to cope and have started to believe I would be better on my own. Hes a very well educated man with a great job so why can't he understand this?!

Any ideas ladies cos I am so close to walking away right now as this is causing me to hate him and seriously stress me out

 

[cliqmo]

Hey there,

Dont be stressed out, perhaps just explain that you would feel better getting certain things now (and can always take them back if you get bought duplicates)

In terms of expecting you to be 'supermum' seriously dont let it stress you out, your hubby will have to learn as he goes along - no sense arguing or worrying about it now xx

 

[libbylou]

Oh boy, he is in for one RUDE surprise when baby gets here

Some men are so clueless about these things.
Do you have any family/friends that have babies or kids? If so, I would suggest a day of taking their kid so he can see how hard it's going to be!

 

[lulu1981]

Buy the stuff anyway, ur gonna need tons of the basics. im just gettin a couple of outfits as people tend to get u these, but ur right, uve gotta stock up on the everyday items!! he's living in a dream world if he thinks its gonna b a walk in the park!!yes ull hav days where ull hav time to do housework & dinner etc, but other days the baby could take up every min of the day, how does he not get it?? U need to sit him down & hav a serious chat. Dont do anything hasty, he will learn & maybe it'll hav to b the hard way!! good luck hun.x

 

[wifey29]

Are you both able to go to an antenatal class that includes basic baby care? It might help him to understand that babies are hard work if he can have his questions answered by a midwife.

 

[xarlenex]

Sounds like he was brought up to believe babies are the womens job full stop. I've came across many men who think this way how naive!
If you really have tried speaking and its not getting through, does he have a close female relative or friend who haa kids and could knock some sense into him?

 

[MrsBump1]

Id go out and buy what i need for the baby anyway and if he doesnt like it he can do one! He sounds like he's being a complete arse and not just not understanding what babies need. He's being stubon and selfish!

 

[MrsBrooks]

Thank u all for your replies. We are booked onto antenatal classes in April (I'm due May) so hopefully these will help. His best friend has 2 kids but he just feels that they are over exaggerating about the work load. His sister is 34 weeks pregnant so we've had lots hundreds of conversations and she is as shocked as I am that nothing gets through to him. I know he will learn but I also think accepting that it is going to be hard will help before baby arrives, rather than getting a shock later on. Maybe when his niece/nephew arrives he will understand more?!
Really appreciate your replies and support as this is really getting me down, and we are not currently speaking.

Xxxx

 

[Geegees]

I think you need to find a baby! Maybe his sisters, once he or she is born and say to him that you'd like to pop over for a day or 2 and spend some time there with them all, make out like it's for your benefit, as he obviously thinks he's got it all sussed!

Good luck xx

 

[MrsBrooks]

Good idea, and I'm sure she won't complain x

 

[kirsteen]

I think guys do tend to think everything will be fine, but he will get a shock when the babies here. Buy what you feel you need to buy now, and he will understand when the kid is here...
Don't worry hun, maybe try get his mum or someone to talk to him about it to?
Also that curry bit did make me giggle lol xx

 

[Maviyildiz]

Thank u all for your replies. We are booked onto antenatal classes in April (I'm due May) so hopefully these will help. His best friend has 2 kids but he just feels that they are over exaggerating about the work load. His sister is 34 weeks pregnant so we've had lots hundreds of conversations and she is as shocked as I am that nothing gets through to him. I know he will learn but I also think accepting that it is going to be hard will help before baby arrives, rather than getting a shock later on. Maybe when his niece/nephew arrives he will understand more?!
Really appreciate your replies and support as this is really getting me down, and we are not currently speaking.

Xxxx

Oh, that is fabulous that his sister is expecting. That is a perfect opportunity for him to learn a little! Also, is he taking some paternity leave after the baby is born? It would be good for him to be there and see what goes on during the day before he goes back to work.

Other than that, as for the clothes, hopefully if he is reasonable you can talk him into purchasing extra stuff and leaving the tags on so it can be returned. Just tell him you will leave it all packed up and ready to go right back to the stores!

 

[Geegees]

Had another idea!
What about watching some programmes together? Super nanny, one born every minute, baby story?

 

[geordielass21]

I think he will change when he sees how hard it is! I couldnt ask for a better and more supportive husband (and I know I am really lucky).
We divide things up - I do the food shop on a sat morning (he does the house work whilst i am out doing the food shop)

I do all the washing of clothes, he does most (not all) of the evening cooking. We take turns over bath time of our little girl.

He will get a shock as a crying baby in the night doesnt just wake up mum it wakes up dad too.

what i would recommend for you (and we did this too) was batch cooking. in the run up to the baby we got loads of meals made and frozen - casseroles, chilli con carne, spag bol etc. it really was a god send when neither of you can be bothered to cook after baby is born. we are definately doing that again.

am wondering if he is like that because of cost so thought i would give some advice.

on buying baby clothes - u can buy a pack of baby grows and baby vests dirt cheap at primark, the quality is good for baby clothes and i would recommend it. also matalan is pretty good for that kind of thing too. some people only buy a few items tho until the birth and the partner goes at gets a few things the day after. a few friends i know did that as didnt want to tempt fate buying too much.

on the nappies, we bought loads in advance which worked out well for us as she was little. might not have been cost effective otherwise. from the beginning of the third trimester i bought things i would need in the weekly shop - nappies, wipes, cotton wool, nappy cream, baby shampoo and all over body wash, sponge etc. you dont notice the cost as much that way.

 

[Sunshine12]

I wouldnt worry about him being a bit clueless about babies. I dont see why he should know these things at the moment if he doesnt have kids already. Once baby is here he will find out pretty quick about the do's and dont's of it all or he might surprise you and spend the weeks leading up to the birth finding out about stuff.

I do think he is quite naive about you doing everything though. My OH at one point said something about baby not affecting his sleep cause he is working. Quickly put him straight on that (although to be fair my hubby does most of the cooking,cleaning, washing anyway despite me not working and him having a full time job so I will try my best for it not to affect his sleep as that could have an adverse affect on him keeping the house clean and tidy. lol ) x

 

[kat2504]

Get a copy of "what to expect the first year" so he can read what the first months will be like. It also has a chapter for men about becoming a father and one of the questions is answered quite clearly - basically yes you do have to help in the evenings and nights when you've been to work all day, in case you forgot your wife has also been working all day too taking care of the baby so it isn't fair if she has a 24 hour job and you only have an 8 hour job.
It also tells you about what quantity of clothes to buy and stuff like that.
He does seem to need quite a big reality check.

 

[_jellybean_]

I wouldnt worry about him being a bit clueless about babies. I dont see why he should know these things at the moment if he doesnt have kids already. Once baby is here he will find out pretty quick about the do's and dont's of it all or he might surprise you and spend the weeks leading up to the birth finding out about stuff.

I do think he is quite naive about you doing everything though. My OH at one point said something about baby not affecting his sleep cause he is working. Quickly put him straight on that (although to be fair my hubby does most of the cooking,cleaning, washing anyway despite me not working and him having a full time job so I will try my best for it not to affect his sleep as that could have an adverse affect on him keeping the house clean and tidy. lol ) x

lol..same as my DH. I'm also going to try to make sure he sleeps so things get done around the house.

OP--I'd just buy what you need regardless.

 

[livfc]

I remember last time OH thought we had too many sleepsuits and vests etc.I dont think he gets that babies pretty much live in these things for the first couple of months,and that they do go through about 4 of each a day due to sick/poo incidents

Im going to sit him down this week and explain to him that we need an awful lot of these essentials because of how many baby will go through,and I hope he understands.

As for your OH I think Id show him the replies you have got in here and hope that helps him get his head around how much baby really needs.And yes,family do buy outfits more than essentials-buying outfits is much more fun