Confused - to try for no 3??

[2011Maybebaby]

As the title says I already have two boys aged 3 at the end of Oct and 14 months. Since having my youngest I haven't felt like I was 'finished' yet. I did have pnd after him too which scares me a bit. The thing is we are struggling a bit financially. At the end of the month there's not much spare cash. Am I mad to even consider having another baby? I don't want to have regrets in a few years time. I'm 40 so it prob needs to happen sooner rather than later if we do decide.

 

[SpringCrane]

I only have one, so I can't speak from experience, but everyone always says you only regret the ones you don't have. However, if you're already struggling financially, then it is smart to really consider what another means for your family. Is your situation likely to change in the near future? A promotion, new job, education? I would look at the long term financial prospects rather than the short term. Babies don't cost a ton if you can breastfeed and you have all the paraphernalia from your first two. However, raising a child to adulthood is expensive. Good luck with whatever you choose!

 

[ItsJana]

I agree with pp, and personally if it were me I'd try for another baby. People always worry about the financial aspect of raising a child ( having two kids in school I understand why), however no one ever talks about the mental and physical health of the mom, I tend to think that's more important when it comes to bringing a child into the world, but that's just me.

 

[Missy08]

I'm in the same boat 2011...I'm trying to figure out a way I can stay home which will make it much easier for us financially...have to pay for childcare for 3 is pretty much out of the question for us...not to mention, I just really want to be home with my kids

 

[KalonKiki]

If you are already struggling financially but don't feel ready to stop expanding your family ask yourself these questions. Why do you want another one? Would you still want another one if you somehow knew with 100% certainty that it would be another boy if you did? Do you feel like you would actually be ready to stop having children if you had a third or do you know that you will probably never feel "done"?
Also is there any way that your financial situation might change? Is there any way that you can cut back in certain spending areas to save money? Is there any way that you or your OH could make more money?
Good luck, I hope that you can figure out a solution of some kind that you can be happy with.

 

[2011Maybebaby]

Thanks so much for your replies. One day I'm all on for a 3rd and the next I think it would be too much. Also I was thinking , if I had a boy and a girl now I prob would stop but with two boys the thought of a girl is lovely but saying that I completely know the chances of another boy are high. Also Im a stay at home mom but I have recently started a business doing wedding flowers. Things are slow but the plan is to grow the business over the next year. So hopefully there would be more money coming in. I feel like a see saw mentally at the moment!

 

[Missy08]

Me too!! One minute I know I def. want another and then the next, I've got 2 screaming kids and I think, "maybe not"....I'm like you, too, only I have 2 girls so the thought of having a boy is on my mind...

 

[2011Maybebaby]

Exactly Missy08. thats how I feel. I have a cousin who just turned 50 and has two children aged 26 & 24 and even to this day she regrets not having a third. Her husband put her off. The last thing I want is regret that I didnt go for it. My friend just had her 2nd and is so sure she is done and Im kind of jealous of the fact that she knows for sure what she wants!

 

[LockandKey]

You and I are in quite a similar situation, I have an almost 3 and 1/2 year old daughter, and a 13 month old son, I too thought I would be done at 2, but after having my son, I still feel incomplete in a way. I talked to my DH about it, and we agreed on one more. We don't necessarily have financial issues, but we are looking to renovate our home soon, which will cost a lot and we will need to cut many expenses here and there.

Since I have 2 now, I can say with confidence that we already own all the big ticket items, such as a crib, mattress, dresser, swing, high chair, pack and play, ect. We actually have almost everything that we wouldn't need to buy anything else for baby #3 unless it were another girl, I gave most of my daughters baby clothes away, but in comparison to other items babies need, clothing hardly costs much. I anticipate the 3rd baby will probably have the least amount of expenses out of them all since I've held onto everything. Do you still have everything from your sons?

To be honest, since I had DD first, I of course bought very girly items and feminine printed stuff, a purple bumbo, pink bibs, and flower printed high chair for example, we didn't have enough money to replace some of these items when we found out we were having a boy, so DS has sat in a flower printed high chair, used a pink bib, pink towels, and sat in a purple bumbo not that it makes a difference to him, if anything I was the only one initially bothered by it, now I really don't care, as long as he has a place to eat, and food still tastes the same to him. If I had another boy I'd probably do the same again.

We are TTC around early 2016, if you figure it out and set a date close to mine let me know, maybe we could be WTT buddies, then TTC buddies

 

[KalonKiki]

That was the nice thing about having a boy first for us, all of our big ticket items are completely gender neutral (my poor boy is often mistaken for a girl at first glance because he's so pretty unless we put him in a very boy outfit ). My mom ended up having that problem when she had my youngest brother though. My youngest sister was supposed to be her last child so she bought all girly items when she found out that her bump was . Then 13 months after my sister she found out that she was pregnant with my brother while they were waiting on the reschedule for my stepdad's vasectomy and of course had to reuse all of the girly items for him. It's not a bad thing though, he certainly didn't care. Babies don't play in to gender roles. I am still glad that all of our big ticket items are gender neutral though, I think that we would have done that anyway even if we had a girl the first time instead.

 

[Missy08]

Exactly Missy08. thats how I feel. I have a cousin who just turned 50 and has two children aged 26 & 24 and even to this day she regrets not having a third. Her husband put her off. The last thing I want is regret that I didnt go for it. My friend just had her 2nd and is so sure she is done and Im kind of jealous of the fact that she knows for sure what she wants!

Exactly! You always hear people say you won't regret the ones you have, but the ones you didn't have...There are two people in my office (both "older" men) who both say they and their wives sometimes regret not having a 3rd.

 

[Mummy1506]

Although we have pretty much decided we are going for a third in April I have changed my mind daily for about a year now, it seems to be the Hardest decision of them all!

I also have 2 boys & would love a little girl obviously another boy would be great too & will be happy with a healthy baby 😃. X

 

[bbaabbyy]

He ladies I totally feel the same I have 2 boys one 3 and 3 months and one 15 months. I know I'm not done having children but just can't decide whether to try for another...... I would love a little girl but then worry that 3 boys could b quite tough!!!!! I don't want big age gaps so really need to decide lol xxx

 

[cupcakekate]

I feel the same! I have a boy and a girl but would still like another! I thought after having my son I wouldn't want anymore but I just don't feel like our family is complete. Still trying to convince my husband though!

 

[ttc bubby no2]

It is nice to read this post and see there are lots of other women feeling the same as me! We have two boys and I keep doubting our plans to try for a 3rd! I wonder if I would be wanting a 3rd if we had a boy and girl but then I don't expect to get a girl, I think we will most likely have another boy and i'm ok with it.

 

[i want it all]

I also have 2 and I'm waiting to try for no 3 until May. I thought I was done but I'm not. We always said we would have 3, but then I had a girl and boy so no longer felt the need for a 3rd - for about a year! Ha! I need to have another baby for me so I feel complete. I doubt I'd ever regret having a baby, but I know for a fact I will regret not!