Considering adoption

[Kanichen34]

I have a beautiful little girl who is 2.5, hubby and I were just thinking of trying for a second baby. But we stayed with some friends this week who have a 10 month old, and she's lovely - but it didn't make me feel broody. Same with my friends 9 week old. I hated being pregnant, loved giving birth but that's only 20 minutes really! We've been talking and come to the conclusion that we both definitely want another child, but aren't fussed about having a baby. Something we had discussed briefly before was to have a second child, then consider adopting a third when our youngest was in school. However, chatting this weekend has made us wonder if we should just look into adopting a second child? We have no known fertility issues and conceived our daughter second try so adoption isn't a last option or anything like that, we just think it would be wonderful to give a child that's had a bad start a wonderful life.

Is this a crazy thought? I know an adopted child is certainly not going to be easier than a newborn - it will be a completely different set of challenges.

We are very early days in thinking about this so any thoughts would be appreciated.

 

[helloeveryone]

So nice to hear you are considering adoption, Can I ask what age group you are considering ?? because their is a lot of older children that have got so much love to give, but most people only want to adopt under 5 year olds.
I am a foster carer, I love my job it is so nice to hand over my foster babies/ children to loving homes and seeing all the changes they make with me..
Good luck with with your choice,
keep this post updated always nice to follow another thread...

 

[tag74]

I think it's a wonderful idea!

 

[missk1989]

I truly believe that adoption is always (bar very few circumstances) a good thing.
Are you in the UK? We were told there had to be a natural order in the family and so you can only adopt a child 2 years younger than any existing birth parents. We were turned down by many agencies because our son was only 3 when we started the process and there are not that many babies to adopt. I am not trying to put you off. I absolutely think you should go for it. I just want you to be prepared to be told to wait 6 months or so.

 

[Kanichen34]

Not sure on age to be honest! I'd originally said something like an 18 month old would be perfect, but I know it doesn't work like that! My husband would consider an older child but I'm a little nervous in that we have only parented a 2.5 year old, so I have no experience parenting an older child if that makes sense? But we do have 2 older nieces ages 6 and 4.5 so similar ages would slot into the whole family nicely. So open at the moment I guess!

Yes we are in the UK. Was very impressed, hit the inquiry button on our LA site yesterday, had a follow up phone call with 30 minutes! Our pack will be with us tomorrow and a SW will call us next week to arrange a meeting.

Helloeveryone- can I ask, what are the children like? I have been on the adoptionuk forum and it does paint a scary picture that every Child is damaged, violent and won't be able to lead an independent life. I'm hoping those are not the majority and most people are out living normal family lives and don't have time to post on an Internet forum! I'm fully aware that these children are in the system for a reason and are going to need extra love and support, but the picture painted online is very dark so I am hoping it is skewed.

 

[Srbjbex]

Hi Kani! Sounds like an exciting decision you have made! If you've rung your LA that's a good step - which LA are you with. I'm in the UK and we're with Warwickshire, and will also be adopting a second child as a sibling to our birth son (albeit for different reasons)

I think from the LAs I have spoken to, there is definitely a push to let you know that adopted children (generally) come from difficult backgrounds and hence the majority will have some kind of issues (either physical or mental) that you will need to deal with. There are loads of extreme cases out there but I do personally also know adopted children who are happy and settled! I think it's just important to go in with your eyes open - appreciate the challenges will be difficult, but be fully accepting of the challenge. I'll know loads more once I've been on the prep group!

Our application is on hold at the moment but booked on the prep groups for September, so just waiting until then to start the next stage of the journey.

 

[Kanichen34]

As you predicted missk89 - we had our first chat with a social worker and she warned us they may not want to progress us any further because of Imogen only being 2.5. Difference is they ideally want to let her be settled in school before we adopt - so not for another 2.5 years! They also said that they probably wouldn't consider us for an older child as they like the BC to be the oldest. She had invited us to an information evening in a months time so we will go anyway, but I'm just wondering how long after that you get a yes/no to progressing? It sounds harsh but if we can't adopt now we will revert back to plan A and try for another birth child then try to adopt when the youngest is in school. So if we are going to be rejected I don't want to lose too much time Ttc? She did sound very pleased with our working arrangements though - we both work full time hours but I work mine over 4 days including one weekend day so Imogen is only in nursery 3 days. And we are in a 4 bed town house (mortgaged not rented) so I'm hoping all that stands in our favour. Imogen is an extremely happy confident child that adjusts to new situations easily so I genuinely don't think an adopted sibling would phase her - at least no more than a birth child would!

 

[daneuse27]

Sounds exciting!

If you end up needing to revert back to Plan A, could then not just follow the original plan, and have your 3rd child adopted?

 

[helloeveryone]

Not sure on age to be honest! I'd originally said something like an 18 month old would be perfect, but I know it doesn't work like that! My husband would consider an older child but I'm a little nervous in that we have only parented a 2.5 year old, so I have no experience parenting an older child if that makes sense? But we do have 2 older nieces ages 6 and 4.5 so similar ages would slot into the whole family nicely. So open at the moment I guess!

Yes we are in the UK. Was very impressed, hit the inquiry button on our LA site yesterday, had a follow up phone call with 30 minutes! Our pack will be with us tomorrow and a SW will call us next week to arrange a meeting.

Helloeveryone- can I ask, what are the children like? I have been on the adoptionuk forum and it does paint a scary picture that every Child is damaged, violent and won't be able to lead an independent life. I'm hoping those are not the majority and most people are out living normal family lives and don't have time to post on an Internet forum! I'm fully aware that these children are in the system for a reason and are going to need extra love and support, but the picture painted online is very dark so I am hoping it is skewed.

Hi again, sorry only just noticed this but I will try and ask if I can.
I am only a baby foster carer so only get newborns to toddlers, but even at that age they can be very damaged and troubled. But with love and loads of cuddles they can change, and it is so nice to see those changes.
The children that come into care need extra love and support and are mostly all but very few that are not affected. These children their lives can change if they find the parents that can love and give them time to change and learn to be loved. These children have been let down by the one set of people that should of loved and cared for them, so they are always expecting other people That walk into their lives to do it again to them.
My friend last year adopted a set of 3 sibling set of 2 boys and one girl, from ages 3 years old to 10 years old, and from start to finsh they have been as good as gold, no problem or issues, but it is only now a year later they feel at home and have started to have a few issues and things have been a bit hard over the last month, but my friend still says it is the best thing she has ever done.
Good luck with your decision. X