Contact/ Court

[sazzyb1985]

Hi, my daughter is 5. Up until now, she has seen her father on average 6 hours a week. All of a sudden he has decided ( since moving in with his new girlfriend) that he'd like her to stay at his every other weekend. She has barely been alone with him her whole life, let alone for hours/ overnight.
I don't trust him. He has never shown interest in her or her likes and dislikes and I just don't feel she would be safe with him. My daughter does not know his new girlfriend.
I said no and his reply was 'court it is then'.
Can anyone tell me how much access he would get through the courts and how much of a horrible experience it is going to court? I can't afford legal fees so I would represent myself but are there fees on top of solicitor fees?
I've been in a state all day worrying.
Also how long would it take to go to court? I assume I would hear from his solicitor first?
Thanks in advance x

 

[cookette]

Are you in the US? I dont know if I varies by state, but I know here the child cannot stay overnight with a girlfriend/SO in the house. And if they live together, how is he going to swing that?

 

[Ceejay123]

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[sazzyb1985]

Thank you both. I'm in the UK. It makes sense I guess that courts take it into account about new partners. He also isn't on the birth certificate, I wonder if that makes a difference? We were married but separated at the time my daughter was born. Thank you for the information, that's helpful. I feel stronger now to face things!x

 

[Ceejay123]

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[Louisandemma]

is there a reason you don't think she'd be safe with him?

 

[KayBea]

i dont know how court works - waiting for it to start myself with FOB.

do you trust him enough to maybe have her every Saturday from say 9am-5pm?
why do you not trust him for overnught stays? - im just curious as my ex doesnt see LO as he was violent so isnt allowed unsupervised access, he wouldnt go through the contact centre so hes now going to court for 50/50 access. which he wont get as hes not seen her for 2yrs & has only paid £300 maintenance in that time, hes also homeless & jobless

 

[Louisandemma]

i dont know how court works - waiting for it to start myself with FOB.

do you trust him enough to maybe have her every Saturday from say 9am-5pm?
why do you not trust him for overnught stays? - im just curious as my ex doesnt see LO as he was violent so isnt allowed unsupervised access, he wouldnt go through the contact centre so hes now going to court for 50/50 access. which he wont get as hes not seen her for 2yrs & has only paid £300 maintenance in that time, hes also homeless & jobless

sounds like your LG is better off without him x

 

[lovejoy]

He won't go from 6 hours to overnight, if you refuse. Start with a full day i.e 9am-5pm. As it's out of the blue, sounds like this has only come about because he has a new girlfriend and, probably just trying yo show her what a great guy he is! It's not really fair on your daughter, as his using her. It's great if your daughter gets more time with her dad,but not if his going to drop her as soon as he breaks up with his new girlfriend.

I doubt he'll go to court,but go to citizens advice bureau, they'll help you and point you in the right direction and tell you if you're entitled to legal aid.

Court isn't that scary, the judges have hear it all before and they're not interested in parents pity arguments of he said, she said or the past happenings etc, just the best interest of the child. If a father wants to be involved with his child and is not a danger they will grant him access. If his not on the birth certificate at present, he is in a bad position, as he has no legal rights over the child, but a simple request for a DNA test can fix that. If his a anger they'll want to set up a contact centre as courts are trying to make sure children see their father,they can only set the ball rolling he has to stick with it tho.

 

[teal]

I agree with what's been said that the access will be built up. It won't go straight to over night.

Why do you not trust him? Would you feel reassured if your LO got a chance to meet his girlfriend first?

The birth certificate won't matter because he can just take that to court and have himself added to it for half the parental responsibility. The court won't care that he wasn't bothered before, they'll only care that he's making and effort now. I don't agree with that at all but I imagine to them it's better late than never.

Hope you're ok.

 

[sillysapling]

I bet he's trying to show off what an awesome dad he is to his new girl. Who, by the way, I'd bet money will end up doing most of the parenting. I've seen this happen a lot, it's really scummy for the guys to pull, but they do.

It's not a bad idea to get to know his girlfriend and try to be amicable with her. If you can trust her, that'll make it easier to let her into your daughter's life, and you don't have full control over whether she is or not. If he does take this to court, he can get mandatory visitation/overnights with your daughter, depending on how the system works, and if this woman's in for the long haul, she's going to be part of your daughter's life. It's always rough meeting the other woman, especially given the circumstances, but it's in your and your daughter's best interests to be as civil as possible with her.

I don't know how it is where you are, and it's complicated because there's no set visitation schedule, but I've never heard of a court jumping from "almost never sees the parent" to "overnights". It's more likely that he'll have to work his way up, spend time with his daughter, get to know her and let her know him, and then after a few months of that gradually increase until he gets overnights. It may not be what you want, but it's better than a quick switch.

 

[Louisandemma]

I bet he's trying to show off what an awesome dad he is to his new girl. Who, by the way, I'd bet money will end up doing most of the parenting. I've seen this happen a lot, it's really scummy for the guys to pull, but they do.

It's not a bad idea to get to know his girlfriend and try to be amicable with her. If you can trust her, that'll make it easier to let her into your daughter's life, and you don't have full control over whether she is or not. If he does take this to court, he can get mandatory visitation/overnights with your daughter, depending on how the system works, and if this woman's in for the long haul, she's going to be part of your daughter's life. It's always rough meeting the other woman, especially given the circumstances, but it's in your and your daughter's best interests to be as civil as possible with her.

I don't know how it is where you are, and it's complicated because there's no set visitation schedule, but I've never heard of a court jumping from "almost never sees the parent" to "overnights". It's more likely that he'll have to work his way up, spend time with his daughter, get to know her and let her know him, and then after a few months of that gradually increase until he gets overnights. It may not be what you want, but it's better than a quick switch.

i completely agree with this good advice.

i was told a while ago at court by my solicitor that a father will have to build up in 3-6 months reviews. i.e if i went to court over my little girl now (who i barely see due to her mother) then i would likely get building up to full days over 3 months... then i could ask for overnights which i could get, or they could call for a 6 month review instead if they feel its necessary. however theyre very unlikely to say no, theyre more likely to say 'build it up gradually'.

 

[lil-lauren]

Hey ladies.. iv been in court twice. My ex husband left in junem. He was seeing our daughter 4 hours a week then every fortnight for t weekend. That was my idea. I stopped him seeing her at one point as his new kid of a girlfriend seemed to be more important. He stopped calling and all that crap. Well bc of this he took me to court and was granted friday 4 - sunday 4 bc there was no reason she would be in danger and she needed to spend equal time with both parents. That was fine for a while then we fell out and he decided out of some strange place he wanted shared residence (which can i say is no longer called that its called child arrangement order. Same goes for contact order) well that back fired and i got residence and he got child arrangement order with 2 one week holidays abroad or within the uk. And to top it off he his latest girlfriend with him bc when he has her he can have whoever he wants around dd aslong as they dont bring harm to her!!! That was fresh out of court a few weeks ago. Cafcass are the people who kind of give the judge the direction to go and between them and the judge they want as many fathers to be just as involved within the childs life as possible. If he hasnt bothered much but now has a 'stable' home i really do think they might access him even one over night stay every 2 weeks as youv given no reason to her being harmed. Its heartbreaking and so frustrating bc they only care when ut suits but like i said they are wanting it to be as equal as poss. Im lucky my ex moved back to his mums. Im sure ill be just as angry when he moves out and has his own place xxx

 

[lil-lauren]

Forgot to add he cant take you straight to court it will go to mediation first however if you refuse that he can then take t matter to court. Mediation was no good for us as its not legal binding and only really matters to t judge to see if your putting your child first to see if you can sort things out xx

 

[lil-lauren]

And when it went back to court t last time he actually keep dd and refused to give her back. T police actually had to go get her and he was still allowed to have her every fortnight but if he does it again he will be arrested as i now have residence. It took about a month or so for both court dates and no fees if your not t one applying for court.