Cosleeping newborn and neediness

[Shandelion]

My newborn (one week old) won't tolerate being in the crib at all, and for the most part sobs his broken heart out if he's not in contact with me at all times. I cosleep comfortably, although it terrifies my husband. My boy sleeps soundly cuddled up against my chest. But since he's so physically needy of me, I worry I'm fostering an unhealthy dependence that we'll pay for later on. I know you "can't spoil a newborn", but in a short time he won't be newborn anymore and I don't want to hurt him trying to detach him a little in a few months. What if at four or six months old he still screams if out of contact with me, or can't sleep unless burrowed against me? I want him to be just as happy solo as he is when burrowed against me. But...I can't stand sticking him somewhere and letting him sob until he "gets used to it".

Thoughts? How do I best foster a happy, independent, secure, loving baby from here?

 

[Rachel_C]

To foster independence, you just have to let him be dependent. There are solid biological reasons for his dependence right now - for a start, he can't do ANYTHING himself and won't be able to for months, well years actually! If you try to force independence you won't actually get it - you'll get a child who is quiet on his own but he won't be happy, that isn't independence, that's just abandonment You can't spoil a newborn but you also can't spoil a 6 month old - you won't be doing yourself or LO any favours if you try to 'detach' him in a few months.

Don't worry, babies do start wanting more time on their own! In 6-9 months or so, he'll be starting to crawl and you might be wondering when he's ever going to stop and give you a cuddle . Then they start to walk and they're gone! At some point, maybe long before that or maybe after it, he'll want to sleep alone too. He'll tell you you mess up his games and you won't be allowed to play! And God help you if you try to get him dressed or something!

Try to switch from thinking 'unhealthy dependence' to 'healthy attachment' - cos that's what it is

 

[Shandelion]

I guess that's kind of what my gut says, too. He'll be more secure to become independent if he knows he's got me solidly behind him to begin with. Parenting is just so confusing without any prior experience with babies!

 

[ickle pand]

My 6 month old sleeps cuddled into me and I just love it. It makes breast feeding easier, and we all get more sleep because I can react to him at his first little peep rather than a proper cry. Sometimes he just opens his eyes checks I'm still there or reaches out until he touches my skin and goes straight back to sleep. He naps on me too. It used to drive me a bit nuts that I couldn't get anything done but we pay for a cleaner 2 hours a week so I don't have to compromise on being the kind of parent I want to be. Getting a sling is also a great idea.

Don't ignore your instincts, that's how we've survived this long

 

[Noo]

We still co-sleep with my almost 7 month old and have done since birth x

 

[Stash777]

We've coslept/bed shared since day one. At almost 5 months now, she is taking naps in her crib or on a pallet on the floor and going to sleep for the first part of the night in her crib. She is also playing independently (happily) for longer stretches of time as well. Basically he'll eventually become more independent on his own time, so don't worry.

 

[Feathers]

I co-sleep as my little one was just like yours and even now he cannot stand sleeping away from me even for a nap (he naps on me/beside me). Sometimes I wonder if he should be able to be on his own as my DD was very independent at that age (she never co-slept) but you know, it's what he needs. And their needs come first for me. He's only little once and if he needs to co-sleep until he's older so be it. I love those snuggles and cuddles and it's much easier to BF him, I don't even need to move now, he just snuggles closer and latches on XD When he's ready to move away that's fine, but whilst he needs me, despite being told by family he's a Mummys Boy and clingy (why is it so wrong for a baby to want their Mummy?) I do what's best for us. I think a lot of comments from family are because he doesn't want to play pass the parcel between them rather than from any actual caring about how he sleeps and passes his day when they are not there

 

[luna_19]

Lots of people told us we were "spoiling" our boy by holding him pretty much constantly but now that he is 6 months I see him becoming more independent he sleeps.the first part of the night on his own then ends up in our bed. He is now happy to play in his own for a few minutes while I get a few things done.

 

[NDH]

My 2 year old had to be touching me in order to sleep but I always tried to at least lay her down beside me And sneek away and she still needs to be touching me to sleep. My 11 month old only slept in my arms for naps and often overnight for the first six months and she's perfectly happy sleeping in the side car. I never wake up with her in my armpit like her sister . Pretty sure she'll be in her own room/out of our bed before her big sister.

Theyre only little for a short time, enjoy the snuggles

 

[SarahBear]

If you want a happy, secure, independent kiddo, bed-sharing is the way to go. It gives them the comfort and confidence they need in order to feel comfortable and secure enough to be independent. That being said, I am nursing my 18 month old back to sleep as I type this. Nature doesn't intend for us to sleep away from our small children.

 

[lovelylaura]

Freya co-selpt for about 6 weeks or so. I always tried to put her in her mosses basket but if she didnt settle i would bring her straight into bed with me. I don't overly like to co sleep, i need my space. But i just wanted to drop in to let you know if you don't plan on doing it forever then just because you've done it while they are young doesn't mean it'll be forever. The girls occasionaly get into bed with me now, actually its generly Poppy rather than freya. But it's never a problem.