could do with some help :/

[teenpregnant]

so as some of you may know me and FOB broke up recently and since then he has turned very nasty! He said he wants DNA as soon as he is born so he gets to have him 50/50 which isnt going to happen since i want to breastfeed but he said i was a b*tch for that and that he would take me to court and take him away from me. And then he realised how stupid he was being and said well as soon as he is a year old he wants him to live with him.. (he lives in a 2 bedroom flat with his 4 brothers and sisters and his dad) he is addiment he is going to take my baby away from me and im so stressed over it! i have been signed of work last week for stress and i cant take much more!
anyyyway.. I dont even want his name on the birth citificate then that gives him no right to even try to ever take him away from me and I have the power to choose when he sees him and im not going to be unreasonable with that when he is old enough he can go out with his dad alone but i dont want him staying in that flat as his dad does drugs and my son will NOT be around that? im just wondering whether im aloud to not have him on the birth citificate? i would really appriciate no harsh answers because im really not strong enough for that right now...
thank you for reading

ps. i had an ultrasound on friday to have a close look at his heart and i was so worried about it and FOB knew this and said he would come and just decided not to show up!!!!

 

[samisshort]

By the sounds of it, FOB can not take away your LO You sound like you're a fit caring mother, there's no way he could take away your child unless a court finds a reason to do so - which they won't.

Definitely don't stress about it hon! And you are nowhere near a b*tch for wanting to breastfeed your child! That is the best thing you could do for him. Your FOB is being selfish and rude, especially to think you're wrong for wanting to breastfeed.

As for the birth certificate, I'm not sure on it, sorry hon. I just know that the day I was born, my dad was in jail and could not sign it. But later on, he went to a court house or somewhere (I can't remember the story) and apparently he signed it then.

Good luck

 

[aidensxmomma]

I'm sorry FOB is giving you so much trouble.

I'm not sure where you live and everything, but in Wisconsin it's very difficult to not have a father on the birth certificate, especially if you're a minor. I think the only exceptions they make are if you and/or the baby is in danger from FOB or if the baby was the result of a rape.

However, it may be reassuring for you to know that it is pretty difficult for FOB to get custody. They only way he really could is if he could prove that you were an unfit mother (like if you were a drug addict or something). Custody is automatically given to the mother. My OH doesn't even have legal custody over our two kids and we've been together for 4 1/2 years and he's on the birth certificate and paid child support.

I suggest you save all text messages or anything like that from FOB so that if he ever does take you to court you can show them how he was threatening to take the baby away from you. That and you can prove that you don't intend to keeping him out of LOs life, etc. Last save anything that can prove that FOBs house is not a good place to be...like the amount of people there and the drugs and everything. Oh, and him not going to the ultrasound and things like that can also be used against him because he's not making an effort to be there for your LO.

Try not to stress too much, hun. FOB will have a very difficult time getting custody of LO, if he even actually tries to. To me, it kind of sounds like he's just saying all of this so that he can scare you and have some control over you, iykwim?

Btw, how did your ultrasound go? I hope everything is okay.

 

[teenpregnant]

thank you! i would just rather have the knowledge that he isnt going to come to my door and say i have 50/50 right to take him and he wants him every weekend as soon as i stop breastfeeding and that way my mum will never see her grandson as she works full time and i will be in college so wont have any quality time with him other than at night :/ sorry for ranting but its trust trying to get it all off my chest!

 

[jemmie1994]

you dont have to put his name on the birth certificate, he would have no rights over your LO then

 

[Laniinthesky]

his having access isnt really affected by whether his names on there or not. sorry. You'll pretty much have to go along with the courts on the DNA test. for now, If he is on drugs..get some evidence on it?? they wont give him any custody if that's the case. before a year, he cant make you leave your baby with him regardless. And they wont let him take the baby off you, unless they have a very good reason, i,e You hurt your baby. So don't worry about that.


Does he have a job? or any income. you'll get child support etc.

Theres also something you can do if hes stressing you out during pregnancy to stop him trying to contact you. not too sure how that works though xxx

 

[aidensxmomma]

thank you! i would just rather have the knowledge that he isnt going to come to my door and say i have 50/50 right to take him and he wants him every weekend as soon as i stop breastfeeding and that way my mum will never see her grandson as she works full time and i will be in college so wont have any quality time with him other than at night :/ sorry for ranting but its trust trying to get it all off my chest!

He will not have the right to just take him. Like I said, you will automatically have full custody and he will have to go through court to get any. So until the courts granted him visitation/custody, he doesn't have the right to any.

And I just thought of this, but since he's demanding a DNA test, he definitely won't have any rights until that's all done and over with, which (from what I've heard) can take months. And until the DNA test comes back he won't be on the birth certificate either.

 

[teenpregnant]

yeah im sure its that he wants to scare me back into a relationship with him because i even considered that at one point which sounds awful but i dont want my son to be taken for more than an hour when he is tiny and definately more than one night when he is older :/
and yes im diabetic so the baby's heart can suffer, i have been trying so hard with my blood sugars but still worried something would be wrong and it would be all my fault! but she said everything looks perfect! so i couldnt be happier about that!!

 

[teenpregnant]

Also im going to talk to my family support nurse tomorrow for her advise and how they do it all around where i live..

i wish it was easier and that we were able to be civil and i have never said a swearword to him or said anything to hurt him even though he admitted on cheating on me all the way through my pregnancy and before that and he only admitted it yesterday
im just having a really hard time with him and i know people have it worse off than me but im really feeling the stress and then being more worried about the baby if im stressing out! HES SUCH A WASTE OF SPACE!

 

[beanzz]

A court will not take a child away from its mother unless she is an unfit parent, which you are not. So try not to stress about that. As for the birth certificate he doesnt have to be on it if you choose for him not to. However, this will not affect yours or his custody rights so he might aswel be on the birth certificate as he is the dad afterall.

 

[teenpregnant]

but if he is on the birth certificate then he gets equal parental rights which means he does have the right to look after him and have him overnight and take him on holiday..

 

[beanzz]

but if he is on the birth certificate then he gets equal parental rights which means he does have the right to look after him and have him overnight and take him on holiday..

All I know is my goddaughter has both parents on the birth certificate and her mum and dad had a massive row, the dad sent messages to the mum about taking the child when he was drunk and now he never see's his daughter

I actually know a guy who stole his child off it's mother when they split up and now is never allowed near the child again, ever. His reason was that he didn't get to see his child enough. Men really are stupid

 

[teenpregnant]

Yeah well I feel better knowing he can't take him away from me.. It made me feel sick the thought of it! Thank you ladies I'm still stuck on what I want to do but I am going to talk to my family nurse tomorrow for support :/