Court in a few hours, Prayers needed please **UPDATE**

[TattooedMama]

My ex husband is trying to take me to court to take my son away from me for the millionth time. I'm having a really hard time with it as I have bad anxiety and though I know he has no real chance the thought of my son not being with me is heartbreaking for me. My son is 3 1/2 and since he was born and until now his "father" has been in his life less than one year. he is military so he has been gone for a lot of that time but even when he has not been he still does not make an effort to take care of or see his son. Last year he left us with no way to support ourselves and for 4 months did not try to see or talk to my son, in the meantime he was living with another woman and taking care of her 2 kids. My son barely knows who he is at all and calls my husband now, his stepfather, daddy and when his biological father stops coming around he never asks for him, not even once. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and told him I hoped for his sake that he could be a man for Jaden and learn to be a dad. For a few months after we had shared custody which about killed me as my son has always only been with me. My son would come home hungry and thirsty-unable to urinate for hours(5 hours) even though his first hour home he would suck down 3 10oz sippee cups. When he finally did manage to urinate it would be about a tablespoon of dark golden urine. He would come home filthy, dirt caked between his toes and around his penis and testicles though his "father" claimed he had had a bath the night before but it was only 8am. He would come home in socks with holes or even socks so caked with dirt that they were hard on the bottoms. His ears filled with wax, overgrown nails etc. I asked once if he had had a bath because he was dirty and his wifes response was he cried when she tried to give him a bath so she just wiped his hands and face. Once when I picked him up the wife shoved him out the door with a child support check in his hand,wearing only a short sleeved shirt and jeans when there was snow on the ground outside and it was easily under 30 degrees. He was hysterical crying and she slammed and locked the door behind him. I don't understand for the life of me why he tries to take him from me, he can't take care of him and he doesn't even act like he wants to be a dad to him and I don't think he could if he tried. My son has always been my world since he was born and I have never abandoned him. I can't stand the thought of losing him even if the chances are slim to none. I hate this, I hate going through this repeatedly. My son is so happy with us, he has me and his stepdad who is his real dad as far as I'm concerned, he is happy and healthy and learning here...he is safe.


I'm sorry this is so long but I'm just losing my mind and of course he didn't even have me served with the court paperwork so I only have some small idea of what to expect from him. Thoughts and prayers would be greatly appreciated. I hope you all are blessed to never have to go through this with your children.


***UPDATE***

So after all the worying and working myself up he didn't show up to court. I had to appear by phone as we are in different states now and I called at exactly 1:30pm, when the hearing was supposed to start, like the clerk asked me too. She put me on hold a few mins and then came back on the line to say that he had not yet appeared. She took down my number and said she would call me if he showed. A few hours went by before I heard from her again but she said they moved on to the next hearing eventually and by 2:15 he still had not shown up. Who the hell does that?!?! He is the one who was taking me to court, he's such an idiot. So now everything is vacated and it's as if it never happened. The thing is we don't know if he didn't show up because he got the dates wrong or whatever odd reason or if he is deployed again. We believe that he was back on R&R(he's army) when this started but he claimed he was permanently back. Problem was he had only been deployed 4 months and deployments last at least 12 months so we were highly skeptical to say the least. So we don't have a clue at this point as to why he did not show as hes always made every court appearance before and been on time. Either this will be repeating in a month and a half if he's stateside or next year if he is still deployed. All I know is I am very grateful for the warm thoughts and prayers, thank you ladies so so much. I cannot begin to tell you how much I appreciate it.

 

[blue_kat]

I will be thinking of you xxx good luck

 

[mumtobeplus1]

Good luck hunni, theres no way he'll get custody surely? Just access.
Courts dont take children away from their mothers unless the mother is
unfit or there is a risk to the child from staying with the mother.

 

[lindblum]

good luck xx

 

[MiuMiow]

Best of luck to you and your little boy ((((((((((h)))))))))))

 

[Linny]

Good luck hun, I'm sure all will be fine as he sounds like a TERRIBLE father and role model

 

[brittanyland]

I bet you have nothing to worry about! *hugs* Sorry he's putting you guys through this though.

 

[kayla2010]

explain it exactly the way u just explained it to us to the courts he wont stand a chance xxxx

 

[Waiting2bMommy]

Massive I will say a prayer for you but I think you have nothing to worry about hun. I know how hard custody battles are especially military ones as I just went through one at the beginning of this year.

 

[Brionybaby]

Good luck hun

 

[minkymoo]

From what I've seen of you on various posts I would say you are a fab mum and very intelligent, level-headed and caring person in general. This man has no chance, please believe that.

Hugs and thoughts xxx

keep us posted please xx

 

[Tazzy]

Good luck and prayers are sent hun. XX

 

[LadyBelle]

Good luck hun! I am sure it will all work out for you!

 

[Mrs IKW]

Good luck

 

[housewifey]

Wish you luck hun. You and your son are in my prayers. I hope all goes well. xxx

 

[ama]

wishing you the best of luck x

 

[twinmummy5]

oh mama i know exactly what ur goin through hunny....be strong dont let the prick take you our your family down he is nothing but a worthless piece of shit!!! sorry but men like this really get my goat up. especially when they do such a shit job at bein a dad in the 1st place! they not interested in the child they just wanna hurt the mothers, and any siblings they have!
you will be fine xxxx fingers crossed they only give him supervised visits after what you just told us. x

 

[Hannaaisha]

Hope everything works out ok for you, I'm praying for you. They will see that you are better for him xx

 

[lottie77]

massive and good luck you sound like a wonderful mum

 

[LoolaBear]

Hun first of all big hugs second of all good luck. And then thirdly, explain the situation and the things you have witnessed yourself, explain that whenever your ex has had your son that he has always come back in a worst state, that his new wife treats your son with disrespect as well, that you feel he wouldn’t be safe with your ex due to what you have witnessed. Also state that your son doesn’t even know his dad due to the fact that he comes in and out of his life whenever he chooses so that now you son doesn’t even recognise him as his father.
Inform the judge that is heartbreaking that his so called father keeps dragging him through court like this to just try and get to you and you wish for this to be the last time he is able to do this. Request to apply for a permanent residence order so that your son is of full and sole custody to you until he reaches adulthood as you feel this is the best option for him as he is always clean and fed, warm and safe when he is with you and his step father who he regards to be his dad.
Just tell them everything that is in your heart and explain it with cause for concern but with love and adoration in your voice for you son. That way the court will side with you as his permanent residence.
Then after that if your son does ever go to see his dad again start making a log of accounts, like take photos of his state of clothing etc, if his socks are caked in mud don’t put them in the wash put them in a sealable bag to keep in case your ex tries to do this all over again. Then you will have the evidence against him. Take you camera with you when you pick him up from his dads so you can take a photo as soon as your son is out the door to prove that he is in that state when you pick him up. Keep a detailed account of days that his so called father has him and write everything down. The more you have against him and the more details you have the more they are to grant you full residence and custody of your son if the judge doesn’t agree to it this time. That way your ex has no hope in hell of ever taking your little boy away from you because once permanent residence and custody has been granted to one parent then the other literally has no hope in hell without thoroughly proving himself to have changed and with the very minimal effort he’s put in so far I personally don’t think he would bother trying to change as he seems more happier now with his new wife and her children and she just looks at him as if hes a burden and cant be bothered with your precious son.
Keep him close and show him love and show the judge how much you love him and he will see that your feelings are true, judges have a knack of being able to see when someone is lying and they will see your ex doesn’t care like he might claim to do.
My partner is currently going through something similar in court as well.
Fingers crossed all goes well and I am here if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or if you ever just want some virtual hugs xx