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I keep seeing articles of all the people who got pregnant or had babies during covid.
This thread is for those of us who had miscarriages during covid.
My person story,
I had an unexpected bfp in March. I was nearly 44! Part of it didn't feel right and I was terrified to get excited. I had my first scan without my dh, because of covid he wasn’t allowed to accompany me. I dated a week behind what I though I should have. I thought all was lost until I was able to get the heart beat with my at home Doppler just over 8w. I saw my ob at 10w and he too was able to hear the hb. I had the nipt done at that visit. My results came back that the baby was a healthy baby boy! I was so relieved and excited. I finally let my guard down and started to look forward to my pregnancy. Just after I hit 13w I woke up and knew he was gone. I tried to find his hb and couldn’t. I called my ob office and they said they would get me in the next day. I knew he was gone. So the next morning dh drove me, but again was not allowed to go in with me. They tried for 20 min to get his hb with the Doppler. I had to change rooms for an ultrasound. As soon as she put the wand on my belly I saw a perfect, beautiful baby with no beating heart. It was devastating. They did call my dh to come in because I was an absolute mess. The dr. came and discussed our options. Dh made the decision to have a d&c that Friday, two days later. I had to go have a covid test from there. I had to make phone calls to the ones closest to me on the way home to tell them that he died. I came home to my family and had to tell my other children. That was terrible. The first thing my 7yo said when I walked in the door was “can we name the baby Henry?!” She was so excited. They didn’t know what was going on. I had to tell them he died but was still in my body. I told them we had 2 days to love him and say good bye. They could give him as many hugs as they needed. It was good and bad. It was hard to know he was dead inside me, but it was also good to have him for a couple more days to process. I told the kids they could talk about it and ask questions. I told them there was nothing they could ask or say that would make me hurt more. I want them to know miscarriage is a part of life. I want them to be able to talk to me and honor their feelings. They lost someone too. It was hard. The little boys said they wished he didn’t die for months after. I didn’t sleep. I cried for two straight days. On Friday morning when dh & I woke up, he put his hands on my belly, held me, and said good bye to the baby. It hurt me so deeply. He had to drop me off at the entrance to the family birthing center. He couldn’t go in with me. He parked and waited the entire time. I was masked with glasses all fogged up. I couldn’t get my name out to the lady at the desk. Finally I choked it out and she signed me in. A nurse came and got me and put me in a curtained space. There were patients on both sides of me. I was only separated by a thin curtain. I sat alone for about 15min. Another nurse came and told me to get undressed, wipe my body with wipes and put on a johnnie. I sobbed the entire time. It was a horrible experience. Finally the anesthesiologist came in to talk to me and asked if he could give me Valium to calm me down. I agreed. Not too much longer I waited saying my goodbyes. They had me walk back and get on the table. Then I was asleep. I woke up confused and saying terrible things and crying. I kept asking if they took the baby. I was only there for a short time and they wheeled me down to the entrance of the hospital where dh was waiting. He hugged me when I stood up and got me in the car. I was heavily drugged up and numb. I went home to figure out how to live without a baby.
It’s been 6 months. I’m doing better but it’s been a lot harder than I expected. I’ve past my due date. I’m hoping for a rainbow, but at my age that may be too much to hope for.
I’m thankful for my dh. The experience has brought us closer. For the first time in 24 years I have opened up to him in the most raw way. He’s really been here for me. He is also super supportive about continuing to ttc. I have learned who my true friends and family are. Some unexpected people were my rocks and others never even bothered to reach out at all.
I appreciate the children I have in a different way. I am so grateful for each one of them and I have found ways to make deeper connections with them, spend more quality time with them, and be more patient with them. That’s saying a lot as I am a stay at home mom to begin with. I feel like because of covid this was a very private and unseen experience. I’m not sure if it’s better this way. I’ve had 3 early losses, but nothing like this loss.
If anyone else needs a place to share their experience please feel free to share. You aren’t alone.
This was my little boy the day we confirmed he was gone.
This thread is for those of us who had miscarriages during covid.
My person story,
I had an unexpected bfp in March. I was nearly 44! Part of it didn't feel right and I was terrified to get excited. I had my first scan without my dh, because of covid he wasn’t allowed to accompany me. I dated a week behind what I though I should have. I thought all was lost until I was able to get the heart beat with my at home Doppler just over 8w. I saw my ob at 10w and he too was able to hear the hb. I had the nipt done at that visit. My results came back that the baby was a healthy baby boy! I was so relieved and excited. I finally let my guard down and started to look forward to my pregnancy. Just after I hit 13w I woke up and knew he was gone. I tried to find his hb and couldn’t. I called my ob office and they said they would get me in the next day. I knew he was gone. So the next morning dh drove me, but again was not allowed to go in with me. They tried for 20 min to get his hb with the Doppler. I had to change rooms for an ultrasound. As soon as she put the wand on my belly I saw a perfect, beautiful baby with no beating heart. It was devastating. They did call my dh to come in because I was an absolute mess. The dr. came and discussed our options. Dh made the decision to have a d&c that Friday, two days later. I had to go have a covid test from there. I had to make phone calls to the ones closest to me on the way home to tell them that he died. I came home to my family and had to tell my other children. That was terrible. The first thing my 7yo said when I walked in the door was “can we name the baby Henry?!” She was so excited. They didn’t know what was going on. I had to tell them he died but was still in my body. I told them we had 2 days to love him and say good bye. They could give him as many hugs as they needed. It was good and bad. It was hard to know he was dead inside me, but it was also good to have him for a couple more days to process. I told the kids they could talk about it and ask questions. I told them there was nothing they could ask or say that would make me hurt more. I want them to know miscarriage is a part of life. I want them to be able to talk to me and honor their feelings. They lost someone too. It was hard. The little boys said they wished he didn’t die for months after. I didn’t sleep. I cried for two straight days. On Friday morning when dh & I woke up, he put his hands on my belly, held me, and said good bye to the baby. It hurt me so deeply. He had to drop me off at the entrance to the family birthing center. He couldn’t go in with me. He parked and waited the entire time. I was masked with glasses all fogged up. I couldn’t get my name out to the lady at the desk. Finally I choked it out and she signed me in. A nurse came and got me and put me in a curtained space. There were patients on both sides of me. I was only separated by a thin curtain. I sat alone for about 15min. Another nurse came and told me to get undressed, wipe my body with wipes and put on a johnnie. I sobbed the entire time. It was a horrible experience. Finally the anesthesiologist came in to talk to me and asked if he could give me Valium to calm me down. I agreed. Not too much longer I waited saying my goodbyes. They had me walk back and get on the table. Then I was asleep. I woke up confused and saying terrible things and crying. I kept asking if they took the baby. I was only there for a short time and they wheeled me down to the entrance of the hospital where dh was waiting. He hugged me when I stood up and got me in the car. I was heavily drugged up and numb. I went home to figure out how to live without a baby.
It’s been 6 months. I’m doing better but it’s been a lot harder than I expected. I’ve past my due date. I’m hoping for a rainbow, but at my age that may be too much to hope for.
I’m thankful for my dh. The experience has brought us closer. For the first time in 24 years I have opened up to him in the most raw way. He’s really been here for me. He is also super supportive about continuing to ttc. I have learned who my true friends and family are. Some unexpected people were my rocks and others never even bothered to reach out at all.
I appreciate the children I have in a different way. I am so grateful for each one of them and I have found ways to make deeper connections with them, spend more quality time with them, and be more patient with them. That’s saying a lot as I am a stay at home mom to begin with. I feel like because of covid this was a very private and unseen experience. I’m not sure if it’s better this way. I’ve had 3 early losses, but nothing like this loss.
If anyone else needs a place to share their experience please feel free to share. You aren’t alone.
This was my little boy the day we confirmed he was gone.
