Cried for about 8 hours.....

[LouOscar01]

So yesterday was a disaster!!! OH and I got in a big discussion about the future and how every date we had set was my decision and that he was just going along with it because he loved me. We had a huuuuuuuuuuuuge discussion about it....I mostly just cried. The original plan was to get married in May and TTC in May. We have just bought our first place together and have been living together and my Mum's for the past 2 years. The place we have bought is run down and we are going to do a lot of work to it before moving in. This will take a lot of time and money and we were both feeling nervous about the costs involved and the timescale.

He has said that he doesn't like there being a 'date' that we decide to TTC on. He would rather decide he wants a baby and then we TTC, rather than me being desperate for a baby and him hoping that he will be ready by the time our TTC date arrives.

Basically he's getting cold feet about everything.

So we are waiting until January 2015 (that's the date I've set....but I am not telling him!!!!). This will give us more time in our house, more time to get it ready, more money saved, an extra years pay rise (hopefully) and more time for him to grow up.


I do think it is a much more sensible date, but oh my word it hurts so much. Im so fearful of not being able to get pregnant and that waiting for another YEAR AND 2 MONTHS will have just been a year and 2 months wasted trying. I most likely have polycystic ovaries and have a family history of infertility. I just wish I could be pregnant now and just not give birth until he is ready for it!!!!!

 

[SoBroody91]

Why do they do this to us? I know how you feel, it's so frustrating! I just think well I've waited this long and it's flown by, so hopefully another year will fly by too!

 

[LouOscar01]

It hasn't gone tooo slowly, and I will have lots to take my mind of it. I just don't like that I've watched my ticker go down and have got so excited and now it's off the bloomin ticker scale!! Seems so far away and I really hate wishing away time!

 

[mandaa1220]

So yesterday was a disaster!!! OH and I got in a big discussion about the future and how every date we had set was my decision and that he was just going along with it because he loved me. We had a huuuuuuuuuuuuge discussion about it....I mostly just cried. The original plan was to get married in May and TTC in May. We have just bought our first place together and have been living together and my Mum's for the past 2 years. The place we have bought is run down and we are going to do a lot of work to it before moving in. This will take a lot of time and money and we were both feeling nervous about the costs involved and the timescale.

He has said that he doesn't like there being a 'date' that we decide to TTC on. He would rather decide he wants a baby and then we TTC, rather than me being desperate for a baby and him hoping that he will be ready by the time our TTC date arrives.

Basically he's getting cold feet about everything.

So we are waiting until January 2015 (that's the date I've set....but I am not telling him!!!!). This will give us more time in our house, more time to get it ready, more money saved, an extra years pay rise (hopefully) and more time for him to grow up.


I do think it is a much more sensible date, but oh my word it hurts so much. Im so fearful of not being able to get pregnant and that waiting for another YEAR AND 2 MONTHS will have just been a year and 2 months wasted trying. I most likely have polycystic ovaries and have a family history of infertility. I just wish I could be pregnant now and just not give birth until he is ready for it!!!!!

THIS! I'm not in the same situation, as my OH is ready, but we have a date we have to stick to at the earliest before our wedding, so I'm not showing. There are obvious concerns about morning sickness, bloating, being tired, or having a loss for my wedding, and people just can't seem to wrap their head around why I'm still going to try before when it's just a few months. I don't know how else to explain it. I just need to know I can get pregnant and we'd be happy no matter what!

I wish you all the luck in the world. I know that seems far away, but perhaps he'll say he's ready before that. You really never know. Mens minds work in mysterious ways.

 

[LouOscar01]

I really hope he does change his mind!! I've decided to not talk about babies to him all day....and he has already talked about babies!! One point to me!

 

[Linnys vision]

Hi mandaa ,im in a similar situation as you. I'm due to be married in march and hoping to ttc in feb I would in jan only my cycle is very long 53-64 ( also hoping this doesn't effect my chances of conceiving )I know ppl will only think why not wait but feels like we having been waiting for forever already my DD will be 3 soon and due to college commitments couldn try again earlier, I also had a mc before DD and would worry a bit if the wedding will be very stressful and if I fell pregnant would it have a bad impact on the pregnancy what to do????

 

[Linnys vision]

Hi mandaa 1220, i'm in a similar position as you, I'm due to be married in march and hoping to ttc in feb would in jan only I have really long cycles 53-64 days ( hoping this doesnt affect my chances to conceive ) I know people will ask why we didn't wait but feels like we have been waiting for forever already, my dd will be three soon and would have ttc sooner only I had college commitments and graduating soon. My only worry would be I had a mc before DD and would worry if I did fall pregnant would any stress around the wedding have a bad impact on the pregnancy considering it would be so early on in pregnancy. What to do????

 

[Linnys vision]

Hi mandaa 1220, i'm in a similar position as you, I'm due to be married in march and hoping to ttc in feb would in jan only I have really long cycles 53-64 days ( hoping this doesnt affect my chances to conceive ) I know people will ask why we didn't wait but feels like we have been waiting for forever already, my dd will be three soon and would have ttc sooner only I had college commitments and graduating soon. My only worry would be I had a mc before DD and would worry if I did fall pregnant would any stress around the wedding have a bad impact on the pregnancy considering it would be so early on in pregnancy. What to do????

 

[Hollynesss]

Big hugs!

The absolute hardest part about this whole thing is that men just don't understand what its like knowing that you have an expiration date. Men can still make a baby at 65 if they want to! Meanwhile, while women are having babies later and later in life, we are in the sweet spot until we are approximately 35, and then it gets complicated. This was my biggest argument with my husband when discussing babies. I'm turning 30 next month, and he wanted to wait until we were both done with graduate school, at which point I'll be 32 and he will be 36. To me, that is getting way too close to that danger zone, and as the TTC process is already stressful, I didn't want to add unnecessary stress on us by missing the sweet spot.

What worked for me was to quit talking about it. After I cried for hours thinking I'll be a childless spinster my whole life, I resigned myself to the fact that it unfortunately isn't my decision alone. After 4 or 5 months of not speaking the word "baby" to him, HE brought it up. We finally compromised on beginning TTC this December, but he was the one that brought it up. I truly believe that men need to feel like its "their" idea before they'll fully commit to it.

I certainly hope your OH comes around, sweetie!! I understand full well the pain you are feeling right now, I was right there with you earlier this year!! Try to hang in there

 

[angiepie]

Exact same thing happened to me. DF (then OH) wanted to wait til end of 2015. And now we're TTC end of this year. He'll come around.

 

[Wnt2beAMom]

Big hugs!

The absolute hardest part about this whole thing is that men just don't understand what its like knowing that you have an expiration date. Men can still make a baby at 65 if they want to! Meanwhile, while women are having babies later and later in life, we are in the sweet spot until we are approximately 35, and then it gets complicated. This was my biggest argument with my husband when discussing babies. I'm turning 30 next month, and he wanted to wait until we were both done with graduate school, at which point I'll be 32 and he will be 36. To me, that is getting way too close to that danger zone, and as the TTC process is already stressful, I didn't want to add unnecessary stress on us by missing the sweet spot.

What worked for me was to quit talking about it. After I cried for hours thinking I'll be a childless spinster my whole life, I resigned myself to the fact that it unfortunately isn't my decision alone. After 4 or 5 months of not speaking the word "baby" to him, HE brought it up. We finally compromised on beginning TTC this December, but he was the one that brought it up. I truly believe that men need to feel like its "their" idea before they'll fully commit to it.

I certainly hope your OH comes around, sweetie!! I understand full well the pain you are feeling right now, I was right there with you earlier this year!! Try to hang in there

I totally agree with this. I have pretty much talked baby since we began dating. I got him really mad on one occasion and kinda just stopped talking about it. Then after the wedding he has completely flipped and says he gets sentimental thinking about his future kids when he sees other guys hanging out with their kids.

I think he is just feeling a lot more secure now that he has a job, I have a job and we are married. We are way better off than our parents were when they had us and they managed. Also, I think just from the amount of time we have been together and how we have learned to communicate and see each others perspective, we both really understand what each other wants and our main goals in life are to keep each other happy. Deep down I know I really wouldn't want to TTC if DH wasn't really ready, no matter how much I want a baby, because I want to see him enjoy this as much as me and I feel happy from seeing him happy.

 

[MellyH]

I'm sorry Lou, how depressing. Big hugs.

It must be hard for guys as well that we feel so driven, and need to know when it's going to move forward.

 

[LouOscar01]

It's still really hurting, but strangely I am feeling happier in some ways because now I know that when we TTC we will both want it rather than him doing it because I want it. He is already saying that I might not have to wait till Jan 2015.

Any ideas on how to make a man broody?!

 

[Hollynesss]

I asked my husband what changed his mind, and he said that when I stopped talking about it, he actually had time to think about it on his own.

Its the hardest thing in the world, but keep your lips zipped! That is the best way This way, he will see those pregnancy announcements, he will see those photos on facebook, he will hear the word "baby" everywhere, and without you chiming in, he will actually think about it.

Hang in there!!!

 

[LouOscar01]

Hollynesss good idea....I'll try!! Really hope it works!!! He's only 24...do you think he is too young?

 

[Hollynesss]

That is something only he can know. All guys are different and are ready at different times. I really think it just kinda hits them one day, lol! If he really thought that he's too young, he wouldn't even be discussing it In my opinion, 24 is definitely not too young! It depends more on where you are in your lives than your age, and it sounds like everything is falling into place nicely. Your time will come, and this wait will feel like the blink of an eye when you get there