custody and getting rights taken away?

[Kimbre]

Hi ladies!
I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. shes the most amazing little girl and means the world to me.
i was married to the man i am with now, but we had some issues(long story) and we were separated for ALMOST 2 yrs. we got back together 2 years ago, so we have been married for 4...and we dated a year before we got married.

anyway while we were separated i dated this guy i knew in highschool and he dated a girl he met at work... well after 2 months of us dating these people we both got pregnant...he with her and me with my bf. at the SAME time.

so now i am back with my hubby and have been since the kids were about 8 months old. my daughter's BIO dad never sees her, even when we lived right down his road he would see her maybe once every two months for 2 hours. my DH has a son. and he takes him EVERY chance he can get. if he could have him all the time he would. and hes an amazing dad.

when we moved 4 hours away her BIO dad would always say " ill come down there and see her just give me ANY day and ANY time" i would, and he'd say no that doesn't work, or he'd agree and then never show or text the day of and say he cant make it. this has gone on now for over a year. the last time he saw her she was just turning one year old.

he texts me about her every now and then asking to see her. i put it off for a bit because A:she doesnt know him, and B: i know he does hard drugs, then i said yes for easter because i felt bad for keeping her from him... i told him i had no cell phone and that if he wanted to meet at 1 pm i would be at the park... he agreed and said ill be there at one. i told him AGAIN that i had no phone and he better be there. i waited until 2 pm. almost missing my dinner... when i got home later he sent me a message saying he couldnt make it bc his "dinner" was running late... um dont you think if you hadnt seen your kid in over a year you'd leave your stupid dinner for a few minutes?!

anyway. when she was younger he did alot of crazy shit. to my daughter, and to me. i left him when she was three months old. he does drugs and sells drugs i found out after i left him that he was doing this while we were together! he also threatened to burn my moms house down (where my DD and i were staying after we broke up) if i didnt let him take my DD all weekend at 3 months old...4 hours away from me...after he basically abused her and me. he scares me, and i do not trust him with my DD.

my DH/DD's step father is amazing with her! and she has called him daddy since she could say daddy. she has no idea who her BIO dad is. her BIO dad has a GF now and shes absolutely out of her mind. she spreads lies about me, she and her friends threaten to "merk" me. (kill) and beat me up, she also tells people not to use my photography business bc it "sucks" lol. she texts me telling me i "have to let him see his daughter" and trys to get involved/ has a whole album of my DD on her fbook when shes only met her 3 times! shes also stating that i am a "dead beat mother" for "keeping" my DD from her BIO....when i have explained to her that he has blown her off numerous times and its his fault. not to mention i am trying to protect her since they BOTH use drugs. and i have pics of her doing Acid. she continues to state that BIO and her will get "custody" lol.

anwyay my Question is: do you think in NY state that i can get her BIO dads rights taken away? i would like to change her last name to our last name...bc thats the last name I have had, my DH has, and my step son has...i named her after her BIO bc he insisted. i wish i wouldnt have now. if he was a good father and cared about her and saw her and supported her, i wouldnt be doing any of this. but hes NOT at ALL.
i am worried that the judge will say "he IS her bio dad and he should get to take her alone" even with all of the shit i have on him. because its just my word... well i do have some witnesses though.

sorry i wrote a novel here its just ALOT of info

I just really would like to get his rights taken away and not have to even deal with him and his BS anymore. not to mention change her name to ours. and my DH would like to adopt her.
any help or stories that happened to you and your kids would be greatly appreciated! PS. i am not too worried about custody. i know that ill get that. just worried i wont be able to get his rights taken away?

 

[hardworknmama]

I think you need to consult a lawyer and be prepared for a custody battle. You might get lucky and he may not fight you but I believe that he will either need to sign his rights away or you will have to prove to a judge that he is a danger to her. I am not a lawyer so I don't know for sure, please contact a lawyer in your area. Good luck!

 

[Kimbre]

yeah i figured id need a lawyer and figure we would have a battle. but thats what im saying that ill need to show the judge he's a danger to her. because he deff. IS. i was just wondering if anyone thought i had a good chance?

also he has been saying hes taking me to court since she was 3 months old. but he knows im going to talk about all the crap hes done and the drugs.

 

[hardworknmama]

I think it sounds as though you do have a good chance of winning but the burden of proof will lie with you.

 

[Buffy71]

I think the taking and selling of drugs, if you have evidence (real evidence - not just hearsay backed up by your family and friends), together with the threats of violence from he and his girlfriend, backed up with any correspondence evidence you have that he failed time and again to come and see his daughter, SHOULD be enough to convince a judge that he should not be allowed to she her.

However, the justice system isnt all its supposed to be (at least here in the UK - I guess its much the same soppy hogwash dogooders in the States) and you might find that what SHOULD happen doesnt.

Good luck anyway. I hope the right thing happens.

x

 

[Kimbre]

I think the taking and selling of drugs, if you have evidence (real evidence - not just hearsay backed up by your family and friends), together with the threats of violence from he and his girlfriend, backed up with any correspondence evidence you have that he failed time and again to come and see his daughter, SHOULD be enough to convince a judge that he should not be allowed to she her.

However, the justice system isnt all its supposed to be (at least here in the UK - I guess its much the same soppy hogwash dogooders in the States) and you might find that what SHOULD happen doesnt.

Good luck anyway. I hope the right thing happens.

x

'

yeah the courts are stupid sometimes. there's no way he should be allowed to see her. but we will see.
thanks!