D & C scheduled for thurs - not coping... UPDATE PG 4

[smidgen]

Hi Ladies

Looking for some support as finding it incredibly hard to speak with OH. Went to hospital yesterday for second early scan - should have been 8+3 weeks but had abdo/back pain and brown discharge over weekend. They couldn't find a heartbeat and said baby only measuring 6+3 weeks so baby must have died 2 days after first scan. So they have sent me home with my dead baby still inside and have me down for D & C on Thurs. It's freaking me out - I am struggling to walk around knowing I am carrying my dead baby around with me - its seems so inhumane! They said the sac was deformed that the walls had started to cave in but I have some niggling feeling - what if the sonographer got it wrong - will they scan me on Thur before the D & C - what if my baby is alive and they kill her???

I am so messed up in the head -this is the 3rd baby I've lost. The first in 2005, the second in Sept this year and now another bubba gone. My heart feels like its broken. Life sucks. How do you guys cope? Someone please give me some strength. x

 

[Tulip]

Sorry to hear you are going through this again Smidgen. Also that they can't fit you in any sooner - it must be heartbreaking. I would just hibernate until Thursday, I couldn't possibly leave the house feeling like that. Sadly if baby's measuring 2 weeks behind and no hb they will probably take that scan as final. I'm so sorry

My heart goes out to you for your third loss. Did antenatal last night discuss a plan for future pregnancies or refer you to RMC? I think it may help you deal with it if you have a plan of action (it's certainly helping me).

Lots of love xx

 

[smidgen]

Sorry to hear you are going through this again Smidgen. Also that they can't fit you in any sooner - it must be heartbreaking. I would just hibernate until Thursday, I couldn't possibly leave the house feeling like that. Sadly if baby's measuring 2 weeks behind and no hb they will probably take that scan as final. I'm so sorry

My heart goes out to you for your third loss. Did antenatal last night discuss a plan for future pregnancies or refer you to RMC? I think it may help you deal with it if you have a plan of action (it's certainly helping me).

Lots of love xx

I think you are probably right about them taking that scan as final given the babys measurements. The early preg clinic spoke with the infertility nurse we'd been seeing but she said just to get us referred to RMC - but that can take up to 6 weeks to get referred. I'm not saying I am going to be ready to try before 6 weeks but should we refrain until we get to see them at the RMC/?

 

[BeanieBaby]

Hi hun

Just wanted to say i'm so sorry for your loss and that you're going through this for a 3rd time, its so sad. I know exactly how you feel, I had 3 early scans before they finally confirmed my missed miscarriage. At 9 wks the baby measured 6 wks in size and there was no heartbeat. I also found it v. difficult being in limbo between the 2nd and 3rd scan (when we were give no hope) and whilst waiting for my ERPC which was at 10 weeks. I think it was harder walking around knowing my dead baby was inside me, like you say, as I kept like you thinking what if they've made a mistake. I think you can't fully greive until the baby is out and that is why I feel you've made the right decision to have the D&C because of this, I don't know how some women wait for 3-4 wks for things to happen naturally.

I hope it goes well on Thursday. Hopefully also now you've had 3 you can get a referral to help you get some answers as to why this keeps happening. There are lots of girls on here that have had 2 or 3 miscarriages and then have gone onto have healthy bubs, so here's hoping 2010 is the yr for you and you have the happy and healthy pregnancy and baby you deserve.

xxx

 

[smidgen]

Thanks Beaniebaby, I just feel like I am walking about in a trance!! Probably will feel like this until Thur is over with. I haven't slept (apart from the off hr here and there since the weekend), and the abdo pain is terrible - feels like I am miscarrying like the last time, but no bleeding at all.

 

[Tulip]

I think you are probably right about them taking that scan as final given the babys measurements. The early preg clinic spoke with the infertility nurse we'd been seeing but she said just to get us referred to RMC - but that can take up to 6 weeks to get referred. I'm not saying I am going to be ready to try before 6 weeks but should we refrain until we get to see them at the RMC/?

I know it'd be hard not to try if you feel ready, but (just my rambling post-general-anaesthetic thoughts, tell me to butt out anytime you want) I'd want to know what the plan is for the future before trying again. Say you got a new BFP then found out that you have a condition which necessitates some action pre-conception (or from the point of conception) to help your body to accept/carry the pregnancy - it's a potential new angel because the treatment couldn't take place early enough Tough decision though honey

 

[smidgen]

But I'm 36, and they keep telling me time is not on my side. In fact, when we were having problems conceiving naturally (and then put on clomid), they referred me for IVF but told me I'd only get one round on NHS due to my age! I feel like a ticking time bomb, but can understand what you say as I don't want another BFP, only to miscarry again......... arrrggghhh - my head is just up my butt at the moment!

 

[KittyKatBabe]

Hi Smidgen,

Sad to hear your news hun, I had a mmc in September this year I kept trying to work out the dates for the weeks wait i had to have between my 2 scans and I basically cracked my own head. It is heartbreaking and we shouldn't have to experience it but unfortunately we do. I was 'lucky' in the sense that there was a cancellation and I could be admitted the next day.

I can understand how you must be feeling both physically and mentally, its not nice hun. You will probably rest more after Thurs, not sure if you have been told already but it is okay to take paracaetomol to help with any pain.x x

 

[SmileyShazza]

Hi Smidgen sorry to hear of your loss

We found out at our 12 weeks scan that our little button had stopped growing at 6+3 three weeks ago today and it was the most devastating news as I'd had no reason to think anything was wrong.

It took two days for the EPU to confirm I was able to have an erpc due to issues with me possibly being allergic to anaesthetic and then a further 5 days until I actually went in for the procedure, so I had to wait a week in total. Like you I hated the fact I'd just been sent away knowing that this thing I had treasured for the past 12 weeks had in fact not even been alive for half of them - no words can express how upsetting it is.

I think it is very unlikely they will do another scan before your erpc they never offered me a second one although each area is different. Unfortunately the likelihood of the sonographer getting it wrong is very unlikely although I think it is natural to question it as most people seem to do this.

There are lots of us on here who have gone through exactly the same thing over the past couple of weeks so feel free to let it all out and talk to us. I have found this section of the forum a massive help over the past three weeks - it's just a shame that a lot of us have 'met' in these circumstances.

 

[smidgen]

Hi Smidgen,

Sad to hear your news hun, I had a mmc in September this year I kept trying to work out the dates for the weeks wait i had to have between my 2 scans and I basically cracked my own head. It is heartbreaking and we shouldn't have to experience it but unfortunately we do. I was 'lucky' in the sense that there was a cancellation and I could be admitted the next day.

I can understand how you must be feeling both physically and mentally, its not nice hun. You will probably rest more after Thurs, not sure if you have been told already but it is okay to take paracaetomol to help with any pain.x x

Thanks KittyKat Babe. I tried taking paracetamol last night but ending up vomitting what was bile like (sorry TMi) bits and melted paracetamol and then had terrible indigestion type chest pain until about 4am. Think I will just put up with it. If you don't mind, can you tell me what to expect after the D & C - will I bleed, have pain etc. Do they do tests on my baby to try and find out why she died?

 

[Tulip]

Thanks KittyKat Babe. I tried taking paracetamol last night but ending up vomitting what was bile like (sorry TMi) bits and melted paracetamol and then had terrible indigestion type chest pain until about 4am. Think I will just put up with it. If you don't mind, can you tell me what to expect after the D & C - will I bleed, have pain etc. Do they do tests on my baby to try and find out why she died?

They've told me I'll likely bleed for 2-4 weeks. Minor cramps straight after the op wore off within the hour. I think they'll send baby to Histology to try and establish the reason (that's where Ruby's gone)

 

[smidgen]

Hmm, i was hoping to go back to work next week purely to get out of relatives at xmas etc - I would for nhs Out of hours so would be working most of the festive - although thats probably not very fair on OH. Although don't think i want to go back if i am going to bleed for that long

aww tulip - you had a ruby too - i've been thinking of a name for my wee angel today and I decided on Ruby too since she'd have been born in July and that would be her birth stone..

 

[hannah76]

its so hard being in limbo!! i'm with you there now... found out last week at 11 weeks that baby stopped develloping at 9 weeks and that was last wed. i won't see my doc until this wed then have to wait till early next week for my d+c way too much waiting but i was in no shape to talk options last week after my scan so i see why the doc didn't force a decision on me... i hope you get your closure soon and that you don't bleed for long after the op. i've read lots of places that many women only spot for 2-3 days after the d+c, so hopefully this is the case for you. good luck x x x

 

[Tulip]

To be fair Smidge they'll probably sign you off for a week or two mate (I got a week and the nurse thought it was a bit stingy but think my GP will extend it if necc).

Yeah Hannah... hoping not to bleed to long. Drags it out a bit.

 

[KittyKatBabe]

Hey Smidgen, thats a shame about the paracetomol, that probably caused the indigestion pain too.

Smileyshazza has put it down really well, everyone has a different experience of it. Mine went as well as it could, bit heartwrenching when I was being put under, but the nurses on my unit were fantastic. Came round and I was heavily bleeding with some pain in my tummy area, the painkillers did work though and it died down after a day. I basically had heavy bleeding for 3 days then i was fine from there on in. I was told that I could bleed for up to ten days and should expect my next cycle in 4-6weeks, I got mine in just under 4.

With regard to tests I was told things but I will be honest I was in shock and numb, but I think because of the age I was told no tests at that time but they did say that the remains would be cremated and that there was a monthly service held which can be attended. Your nursing staff should be able to help even before you go back, you should be allowed to ring hun and ask all the questions you need too.

If you want a chat, you can PM me or find me on here most of the day....working from home has its advantages.

x

 

[truly_blessed]

everyone is different following D&C, ERPC Smidgen. Some people don't bleed at all, I personally bled for 3 weeks and have been for a scan today where I found out there was still some left so i need to wait for my next AF for it to come away. It wasn't really heavy but enough to need to wear a pad everyday, sometimes red other time brown and biggish clots on 4 occasions. It wasn't excruciating pain though, just like a heavy period pain and it only lasted about an hour or so at most. They gave me painkillers to take home which helped a lot, had no pain for 5 days then a bad hour then no pain again. It really wasn't that bad for me physically at all. I think Shazza and Beaniebaby had very little bleeding afterwards.

I did have to sign a consent form for the remains to be cremated but I would speak to them about yours as they really should do some tests if this is your third time.

 

[smidgen]

Hey girls, thank you all so much for your support - it really helps. At least it feels like I am not alone with all that I am feeling.

God, i never even thought about my baby being cremated - I don't know what I thought they'd do with the baby. Do you think they'd let me take her home? Although I do want to see if they will do some tests to find out what was wrong.

Oh so much to think about - my head is bursting. Hopefully I will get some sleep tonight - I am so exhausted with no sleep since Fri/Sat.

thanks again and no doubt i will speak to you all over the next few days and weeks and probably months xxx

 

[truly_blessed]

I think Drazic can help you re taking baby home, I know she opted for medical to enable her to do that so she did a lot of research into the pros and cons of each method. As D&C, ERPC is surgery I think they may possibly damage baby, not sure, just thinking about what actually happens with the surgical procedure. Drazic will know for sure.

 

[SmileyShazza]

When I had my erpc they talked through what they do with the remains and gave us a leaflet which explained the options. At our hospital they cremate have the ashes blessed in the chapel and then spread them in a garden of rememberence. We had to sign something to say we agreeed with this, hopefully your hospital will inform you what happens if not I would definitely ask.

We were also told that if you show signs of having had a molar pregnancy or have had multiple losses they would send everything to the Histology department for testing. Again if they don't automatically offer this to you I would definitely ask because of your history.

Don't ever think you are alone hun

 

[shocker]

Hey hun im so sorry for your loss, its unfair how many new people come in here everyday and have to suffer this heartbreak.I had a d&c after my mmc and it was definatly the best option for me.Bleeding stopped on the 8th day and i found the best painkiller to be soluble solpediene, hard to keep it down but it works better than the rest.Also if you can ask your doctor to give you antibiotics as a precaution.At the hospital i attended they buried the babies although im not sure where to be honest, just said they were buried and the plot was blessed by a priest? I have heard other girls on here say they were given the option to take babies home after a d&c but i wasnt aware of this at the time so if this is what you want speak up and let them know.Hope you get some sleep tonight take care