Daddy's time off

MedievalGrad

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 8, 2011
Messages
366
Reaction score
0
So my boyfriend is a manager in the retail industry (a small store, with normally 4-5 employees), which of course is REALLY busy from October--January. Our baby is due November 12. This is a very busy time for him. He has told me that he will be there for the labor, but he doesn't know if he will be "able to hang out at the hospital" for the recovery period. He has also said he won't be able to take any time off when the baby is born above his normal 1 or 2 days off a week.

I just can't believe he couldn't take time off and maybe won't be there right after the baby is born in the hospital. He is generally a bit of a workaholic and I feel like he is putting his job above the family. Am I making too big of a deal about him working right after the baby is born and not taking time off? How much time is typical for a new daddy to take off from work? Sometimes I can't judge if I'm being reasonable because my hormones have been kind of loopy lately (crying at the Olympics, etc.).
 
I haven't really talked to my OH about what he is going to take off. I assume he will be there for the labor, and recovery, and to take us home. But, other than that I don't think he will be allowed to take too much time off. (works for a small company as well) He is going to be the only one with an income as soon as I start mat leave and that plays a big factor into how soon he needs to get back!
 
here men are usually allowed 2 weeks...my OH is a major work-a-holic but he will be taking the 2 weeks...i would be uopset if i were you...after all its his baby too... but then im often a bit hormonal and emotional so ignore me lol
 
My husbands a business owner of a smal company. 3 employees.. so he doesn't get time off. If he's not working we have no income.. He does however have sat afternoons and Sunday's off. I happened to have our son on a fri night so he was able to stay while we were in hospital but once we got home he had to go back to work..
 
Oh yeah, I also forgot to mention he has off sat and sun... and sometime fri are half days.
 
My hubby works for an international company with hundreds of employees and he's the only one at his site who does his job, which includes traveling all over Europe for audits and meetings, and he took 2 full weeks off after the birth of our daughter - cleared his diary as much as he could before hand and then dealt with the backlog on his return. He's doing the same this time and if he considered not taking this time off I'd be absolutely furious!
You're def not making a big deal of things, I'd be putting my foot down and insisting he put you and baby first xx
 
I'd not be all that impressed if he's allowed to take the time but is 'choosing' not to iykwim - I say 'choosing' because I do understand the pressure from employers sometimes.... Can he maybe reduce his days a bit if he doesn't want to take the time off completely?

My hubs had 2 weeks off with my first. For this baby unfortunately he is just starting a new job as a teacher when baby is due so he's not entitled to take time off at all. They've agreed he can hve 'a few days' for the birth....neither of us really knows what that means until he starts work in a week or so. It's gonna be tough waiting til half term lol! X
 
For a couple weeks in late November and December, he will have to work 6 days a week, and only have 1 day off. Apparently there is some paternity leave, but it is unpaid. He makes the vast majority of the household income (I am finishing a graduate degree) so I understand why he wouldn't want to take a bunch of unpaid leave, but he doesn't always seem receptive to taking the maximum "personal days off" (which are paid) when the baby is born. In the past, he has been very flexible with his employees, allowing them to take time off for running 5Ks, attending weddings, birthdays, etc. and making his own schedule last so their needs can come first. I am frustrated because I want him to worry more about the baby than his employees being inconvenienced.
 
I feel for you hun. He sounds like my dad. He didn't have any time off with me and my brother as is a typical alpha male. He saw his role as providing the financial security for the family.

I wouldn't equate the fact he let's others have leave for stuff with the fact he is putting them first, he probably isnt even relating the two together. He probably feels like he can't take unpaid leave as it may impact on what he can provide for you and the baby.

Can you sit down with him and let him know how you feel, that a few days with you and the baby would mean a lot? He obviously has a great work ethic, but sometimes that's not everything.

Good luck xx
 
I'm being induced Friday and hubby is only able to take Friday-Monday off unless something goes wrong. He has told his employer that if there were to be complications and I wasn't home and settled that he's have to take off until I was. We aren't even sure if these days will be payed or not, he hasn't technically accrued very much vacation because he's only been there a few months but I think they are going to let him take it on good faith. I think you need to explain that you need him there for recovery and really need him to work it to where he will be able to be there for you. Have you spoken to him about it?
 
so far my boyfriend has a week vacation and some sick days, problem is now that one of his other employees is taking vacation in october and his only allowed to just take his when baby is born ... but he cant be on vacation at the same time as other buddy! grr! so were hoping i go into labour when other buddy is done vacation so my boyfriend can take his!

Hopefully he will be there for the labour my boyfriend said he would leave regardless he didnt care what work said its his baby his leaving!
 
I know it seems like he is neglecting you, after all we've been experiencing this baby full force and have become very attached even at this point. It's a little difficult for men I think to get as emotionally attached to the 'idea' of the baby until they actually see it.
Either way though, the job thing is a harsh reality. Unfortunately, as adults we end up having to do a lot of things we don't want to or make compromises when we feel we shouldn't have to.
My advice to you would just be to make the most of whatever time it is he can give you, your attitude in this case is entirely up to you and you can either sour your memory of it or make the most of it.
Tough call either way, I know my hubby is being laid off about a month before our first lo's birth, so hopefully if he were to get something shortly thereafter (fingers crossed) we'd be faced with a situation of him not being able to take the vacation time he was anticipating had he still been employed with his old company.
In this economy, I really would just be grateful your husband has a job and is doing what he needs to do to provide.
 
I have talked to him about it, but the conversation diverged into a "you don't live in the real world" tangent (I am a grad student and teach, so I get lots of time off for the baby). I originally told him that I wanted him to take a couple weeks off for the baby and he said that wasn't possible because he's on vacation blackout from October-January. But now we're down to ONLY taking time off for the labor. So that could be just 1 day or less!

We've been together over a year, and he's only taken a few vacation days here and there because he doesn't like leaving the store for very long. And of course you can't PLAN ahead of time (unless I have to be induced) when he'll have to take time off. He won't hire more employees because he wants to make sure one of his employees is nearly full-time, etc. etc. I just have this horrible FEAR that I'm going to go into labor and he won't be able to find somebody to take over his shift and/or he will have to go back to work in the middle of it or immediately after the baby is born or something.

My mom is coming in to town for a few weeks after the baby is born, so it's not that I won't have plenty of help.
 
My OH was unemployed when Thomas was born, until Thomas was about 6 months old.

To be honest I have no idea how I would have survived the newborn period without him. He cooked, cleaned, washed clothes, even washed my hair for me once when I couldn't put Thomas down!
This time he is working 12 hour shifts as a security guard in a place that is almost impossible to get time off from at short notice. He's had ONE day off apart from his 'weekends', when Thomas got hurt and had to go to hospital.

I'm hoping birth falls on his scheduled off days. If I go into labour while he's at work he can't come home.
 
My hubby is taking 2 weeks off when the baby is born (due end of Sept). Then a week in early November and then 2 weeks for christmas. He has saved up some of his annual leave and can take up to 2 weeks paternity (so he effectivly has up to 6 weeks to use).
However, my hubby does not like going to work, and does not really like his company, so doesn't care too much if they can manage without him. I think that makes a big difference on his attitude.
His paternity pay is only the statatory (£135 per week), so we loose about £800/£900 for each week he takes paternity, but his annual leave is obviously full pay. Because of the financial loss, he is just using one week paternity and the rest is being made up with the annual leave he has saved up.

Although you OH may seem harsh, I should think the stress of knowing you are the soul provider for your family is a lot to carry, and it might be that he does not want to jeperdise your finances. He may also think differently when the baby is born.

I actually feel sorry for the men. Many of us women are taking 6 months to a year off, some even longer, and our men have to go back to work. I think about how much my hubby will miss out on, that I will get to enjoy.
 
I completely understand where you are coming from hun...

My FOB works fly in fly out 4weeks on 1week off...the plan was to be induced on his week off when i would be 39 weeks...of course his work sent him home early this round and he now leaves friday, and due to complications i have to be induced monday...

So he wont be seeing his daughter for a month, wont be there for the birth or his first fathers day :( i begged him to try and find a way around it but he just cant...

I think you have every right to be angry and upset that he will be busy! I know the hormones definately do not help with the situation either!!

If there is NO WAY around it...make sure you surround yourself with people that can help you...and wish for a miracle like I am :)

All the best

xx
 
I know of a few men that I work with who have delayed their 2 weeks paternity leave rather than take it straight away because it suited them better from the point of view of what they had to get done at work. I guess they agreed this with their partners though!
 
It's encouraging to know that other people are going through the same thing, and not everybody's SO can take the two weeks off that I kind of assumed were standard before getting pregnant. I guess my frustration might be mixing with worry that in the future he's not going to put our baby first when making his work schedule, that he'll put his employees' schedules first so they are happy enough to have good sales numbers during the day (like he does now). But probably I should just relax and hope he'll take off as much time as he can.
 
Yes, men have it rough, especially when they're the sole providers. However, if my DH told me that I "didn't live in the real world" when I asked him to take off for the BIRTH OF OUR CHILD, I'd punch him in the nose. Just my opinion.

I understand not being able to take off weeks, but I wouldn't think that 2-4 days would be an unreasonable request for you to have if there's anyway at all that he can do it.
 
My hubby is saying the same....his works have a major order on right when bubs is due so its overtime crazy for a couple weeks either side of my due date and he says we can't afford to turn down that sort of money (basically work as much overtime as you like) - which is true as I only get stat mat pay and I guess I should be grateful he's not workshy and I suppose, he is providing for his family first. He has said he'll take his 2 weeks pat leave at christmas which is nice so I'm happy with that compromise.
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Members online

Latest posts

Forum statistics

Threads
1,650,301
Messages
27,144,675
Members
255,756
Latest member
hollyeliza27
Back
Top
monitoring_string = "c48fb0faa520c8dfff8c4deab485d3d2"
<-- Admiral -->