Dear husband says "no" to clomid

[liltrouble]

I am sooo upset. We have been trying for a while - 6 cycles- so still nowhere as long as some of you but all the same it has been so draining. The dr said she would have no problem giving me a small dose of clomid. I told him and he immediately was like NO! He didn't even let me talk to him about it and was like while that will give us 6 kids and I don't want that.

He doesn't know and just wants to keep trying. I don't want to waste more time. He wants kids but just thinks we can do it ourselves.

I kind of want to just take it and not tell him. What's the harm right?

Anyone else dealt with this?


***edit: I am 34 which is why the dr suggested clomid**

 

[momwannabe81]

I haven't had to deal with it, but i know that desperate times means desperate measures and if it will give u a baby then it won't hurt. I wouldn't tell him and take it anyways, and if u start felling guilty then u can always tell him after the first u/s once u know ur not preggo with six, as if u tell him sooner he will think that but with u/s pic he can't jump u for taking it he will be to happy. Also the fact that he's not the one counting the days taking temps stressing over the tww ect....so it's really ur decision, afterall it's ur body.

 

[TryinFor1]

My husband doesnt know I am about to start Clomid and if he did I would have a HUGE problem with him saying "no, you cant do that" hahaha... uhh my body and I can do what I want, thanks! Clomid in generic form doesnt cost very much as a prescription so if I were you,

I would do it and not tell him. But that depends on if you can live with it. BUt what if it works on the first cycle? then you only have to take it once. But what if it doesnt? then that means that he is wanting to waste WAY more time by making you wait to take clomid.

I wouldnt care if my husband didnt want me to take clomid, that is really none of his business. It is not like you are doing drugs or something (or like...illegal ones lol). You are just trying to increase your chances of pregnancy. It is like you are taking a multivitamin or something.. although I know clomid is a little riskier, but you are still just taking a little pill that you cant get addicted to for five days to help you increase your chance of pregnancy.

Sorry for rambling. Lol! I say go for it. But that is because I am taking it without DH knowledge but I dont really give a crap. Not his business.

 

[dianamherrera]

I would take it and not tell him anything. Maybe it wouldn't be 100% ethical of me, but screw it. Besides, it doesn't seem like he quite understands what Clomid is meant to do.

 

[nevernormal]

It is your body, but you two would be creating this child together, and you are planning on raising it together, and that kind of huge undertaking should not be done with secrets and deceit.

Why is the doctor ready to give you clomid after only 6 cycles? Is it your age? Or are you not ovulating on your own? Has your doctor done bloodwork to check for PCOS? Have you had an HSG to check if your tubes are blocked?

If age is not the reason she's willing to give it to you so soon, maybe consider waiting the full year before you bring it up to your hubby. That's what I did (well really it ended up being like 10 months, but by that point I hadn't had a period in over 3 months, so I had to go to the doctor for that anyway). If your hubby is worried about multiples, show him some data and statistics for multiples on clomid. Yes, it does raise the risk of twins, but it's still a very low risk overall. The risk of more than twins is even lower.

Also, from what I've read here on the forum, if you take it earlier in your cycle (CDs 3-7), you get more follicles of varying quality, but if you take it later (CDs 5-9) you get fewer follicles but better quality. So taking it later in your cycle should also reduce the risk.

You can also get monitored around ovulation time, and they can tell you how many mature follicles you have/how many eggs should release, so if it was like 3, you could use protection that month and try the following month again.

 

[tigerlilly]

I can't tell what to do only you can make the choice. I understand ur frustration at TTC, we have been trying ttc for over a year ourselves and its so hard to bear.

If i was in ur position i would ask myself the following questions

" what would be the worst thing that can happen if DH found out?"

So i guess i'm asking what would be the bigger issue taking clomid or the "deception".

Will this effect ur relationship in the future?

can you live the rest of ur life knowing about the true reason for ur conception?

is it going to come back and bite you on the ass?

Does this need to be a joint descision?

I wish you luck what ever you decide and lots of baby dust xxx

 

[SLH]

So you only take the drug for like 4 days, right? I doubt he would even notice you taking it. I would take it without him knowing. I also doubt you will have 6 kids lol.

 

[mixedbeautyx]

I am sooo upset. We have been trying for a while - 6 cycles- so still nowhere as long as some of you but all the same it has been so draining. The dr said she would have no problem giving me a small dose of clomid. I told him and he immediately was like NO! He didn't even let me talk to him about it and was like while that will give us 6 kids and I don't want that.

He doesn't know and just wants to keep trying. I don't want to waste more time. He wants kids but just thinks we can do it ourselves.

I kind of want to just take it and not tell him. What's the harm right?

Anyone else dealt with this?

I say do what you want, it is your body. But I also understand if you would feel guilty later. But this is exactly what happened to me and my OH, expect with soy isoflavones. I knew he wouldnt approve as he would continue everything natually. So I ordered soy anyways and started to take them. For about less than a week I explained they help with my cycle (which isnt truely a lie, it just isnt the full truth ) So then I ended up telling him a few days later what it actually was. He was fine with it, didnt get upset. He actually told me "we can do whatever you think is best" so it turned out to be a positive reaction in the end. Just my story! But, again its totally up to you! Plus, I couldnt live with lying to him forever the guilt would eat me up and I'd eventually have to tell him.

Also, I agree with the one girl who stated tell him at the u/s if you do become preg, this way he will be so happy that you are preg he wont even care how you did it! Lol.

 

[mummy.love]

i think i read something once about how this lady wanted to use egg white as a form of lubrication and help the get to their destination, and her husband said no! so at time of ov she didn't tell him, dtd then got a BFP!
from memory he found out afterwards when he read an email or over heard her (something along these lines...) telling someone else and they ended up having a laugh!!

(this might have come from a website dedicated on information using egg whites for ttc)

i'm sure when your hubby sees a it will be the last thing on his mind!!

 

[whimesy3]

Its not like you are tricking him into getting you pregnant by stopping birth control and not telling him. If its going to help you get pregnant, then why does he have a problem with? Multiples are not always produced by women who take clomid. He needs to understand that. I would take it anyways, its your body. Try talking to him about it again.

 

[pinkchucks]

I like the "telling him at u/s" idea.
At least if he DOES get upset, he'll have to be nice because the techs will be there.
But I doubt he would be anything less than happy and excited.

 

[LilFooshFoosh]

I don't think that is fair to DH. It is his baby too. I could never do this to my DH, especially after only 6 months of TTC. Have you tried giving him information about the drug, its effects and side effects?

There are more questions that come up about why the doctor is willing to prescribe it, as Nevernormal asked.

In the end it is your decision and you can better gauge how your DH will react, but although the "it's my body and I can do whatever I want" argument is valid, it is also his baby and if you love him that has to play a factor in your decision (a decision he *should* be part of making).

 

[MrsAttard]

I'm really surprised so many have said take it without telling him....that just doesn't seem fair to me. I think the real question is finding out why he is against it and addressing that issue. I think my DH would probably be against it too because he doesn't believe in foreign chemicals in the body (he's against BC for this reason too). I think you should discuss his concerns but it's obviously something important to him. I mean, we all know it can take a year or more to get pg naturally, even for those perfectly healthy, and maybe he thinks that you should put in that time and give your body a chance to do it naturally before moving onto medical assistance.

 

[TeddyBearPug]

clomid can cause some crazy mood swings so you may not be able to hide that. I couldn't hide that from my husband because my personality completely changed to crazy while i was taking it. Maybe you can start talking to him about what clomid is and does and he will be more comfortable with it. My OH freaked out when i brought it up because he thought it was some huge fertility drug like IVF adn that we would end up with 6 kids too. We talked it through and went through 4 rounds of it. Good luck!

 

[liltrouble]

Thank you all for your thoughts and feedback. I also should have mentioned that I am almost 34 so age is the issue and is why the dr suggested it.

I actually agree with a lot of the women and feel like it is my body and he is making a decision without all the facts. And really what irritates me is that he doesn't want to have the conversation about it and look at the facts. But I know my husband well and I will just take a little while to warm up to it and then he will want to talk about it.

So although I want to just take it - I won't. I will continue to talk to him about it until he sees my point. My fear is that due to my age if we wait we wi just be in a worse situation in a year.

I just needed to vent!! So thanks ladies

 

[maggie111]

Tell your OH that it's unfair to not at least have a conversation about it. Go to a decent web page that shows the positives and negatives of clomid (but pre-pick it so it's mainly in your favour )

Tell him that he can't have an opinion till he knows about it as much as you do and you'd like him to at least research it and talk about it. If he's worried about multiples pull up the statistics of how likely it is compared to natural multiples. Also print off some statistics about the chances of conceiving at 34, how likely you are to get pregnant in a cycle versus how many cycles you have left...

Over-ride his fear with common sense!

 

[smokey]

i think i read something once about how this lady wanted to use egg white as a form of lubrication and help the get to their destination, and her husband said no! so at time of ov she didn't tell him, dtd then got a BFP!
from memory he found out afterwards when he read an email or over heard her (something along these lines...) telling someone else and they ended up having a laugh!!

(this might have come from a website dedicated on information using egg whites for ttc)

i'm sure when your hubby sees a it will be the last thing on his mind!!

OMG this brings back memories of trying to give this a go (I was desperate enough to try real ew) and hubby saying "no freaking way, we are making a baby not a cake" we never did try it in the end I wussed out.

As for the original post its realy up to you, on one hand its your body but on the other do you realy want to start things out on a lie?
Maybe if you picked up a leaflet and asked him to at least read it so he can see the facts for himself that multiple births from clomid is very very rare and even that is only twins

 

[lisap2008]

Tell your DH there is only about a 10% chance of twins on clomid and more then that is even more rare, also the doctor can monitor you to see how many eggs your producing each month and if you feel you stimulated more then you would like to you can skip the month by not BDing when your ovulating.
even if you do produce more then 2-3 eggs which is rare on a very low dose of clomid the chance of them all being fertilized is low.

So its up to you if you want to try it, a few words of warning for you though it makes for some pretty bad mood swings which are ten times worse if you get a BFP then it is on a natural cycle. also clomid can dry up your ewcm leaving nothing for the sperm to swim up so either preseed or pasteurized egg whites will be needed for the sperm to swim in. also clomid can thin your uterine lining making it impossible for the fertilized egg to implant. so I recommend a scan so they can monitor your eggs and lining. if its too thin you can drink raspberry leaf tea daily until ovulation. good luck.

 

[lanet]

I'm just going to give you my opinion. Clomid is a serous medicine. I could never imagine going behind my husbands back when it comes to something so important. What if you have twins? Could you still be ok with keeping that secret? I'm actually surprised so many women are ok with this, maybe I'm the strange one. Maybe talking to him and showing him the actual statistics would be better. I also got clomid after 6 months for ovulation issues. It just seems like something I would want to have my husbands support on when I'm having side effects etc. It's your body but it's also his life too. I understand being upset if he says no, but surely you can talk him into it! Lol, the chance of multiples is slim.

 

[CuddleBunny]

If he is refusing to discuss it, then that's just balls. Print out some facts, hand them over to him and say "I am taking them ". That way you are taking charge of your own body but not going behind his back in doing so. This will also maybe get him to actually discuss what his concerns are! Good luck