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[TattiesMum]

Kaylum's FOB was exactly like this ... totally disinterested in anything apart from how soon it would be until he could take him out by himself and have him overnight

Needless to say he got bored long before either of those things were ever likely to happen ... he buggered off to another town when the wee fella was about 5 months old and hasn't seen him since.

He raises his head occasionally with threats of court (and even the odd solicitor's letter) but then he just vanishes again

Do you know ... sometimes I think the worst bit about being a single parent is the FOBs

 

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[Girl20]

Girl I am so sorry to that you have to be going through this.

It must be especially hard since your little girl must be your world and they only use her as a "lay by" or because they are obligated to care...

I know that it is extremely difficult but you must remember that no matter how bad of an ass he is, he is still her father... and im sure you don't want your princess to grow uo without the chance of having her daddy in her life.

Rest assure that God never sleeps my girl, Luckily for us!!

I am positive that he will be working in FOB life, it may take some time for him to come around and all but he will eventually get there. Keeping them from your princess is not going to solve anything... in fact it could only lead to resentment further along. And you'll only rob your child of a parent..

Im not saying that what he is doing is right at all, because it definatly is not and no excuse can justify the fact that he is basically abandoning his baby girl... but don't make the situation worse by preventing him from seeing her it will do more harm than good. Rater encourage the time they spend together with the hope that it would become more frequent. She is just as much his baby as she is yours.. Remember that two wrongs does not make a right..

I really hope that you all can resolve your differances and find some kind of stable loving family line for the sake of your little angel, im sure that you will agree that she deserves only the best, and that means having two loving parent in her life.

At least if you keep the lines of communication open and not resentfull, you can rest assure that you have tried your best and have not contributed to the fact that he doesn't want to see her, you'll be able to walk around with a clean heart.

You must have loved him enough to lay down and make a child with him, so im sure the both of you can be adults and find some commen ground on which to raise your little girl in so that she may have the best of the both of you.

xxx You are such a strong lady, you can do this my friend xxx

 

[TattiesMum]

FOB's family did used to turn up with him sometimes - they were usually pretty hostile and/or drunk too and they used to constantly nag about when could they take him out on their own as well

Half the time they used to actually forget his name and Kaylum would tense up and scream blue murder if any of them picked him up ... I'm sure he could sense their hostility to be honest.

When he moved away he just upped and went without any warning ... he doesn't work so he just moves around the country as he feels like it as far as I can make out

Frankly if he'd just die or vanish into thin air then it would do us all a favour

 

[dustbunny]

Maybe discuss changing it up a bit. Instead of 4 hours every week say 4 hours every other week. He might feel more inclined to put in more effort and stay for longer than an hour that way, also it breaks it up a bit for everyone. You're not worrying for the weekend of whenever to come every week. It might take the tension out of the situation and if it went to court he would get 2 hours every other weekend and no overnight stays etc etc until much further down the line anyway so point that out to him too.... plus if you're breastfeeding then it would be even longer possibly.

FOB's are the bane of life. It really really REALLY annoys me how they think they can walk in and out of peoples lives with the courts still supporting them. Either be there or dont be there, simple as.

 

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[dustbunny]

That's horrible tattiesmum he clearly doesn't deserve to be in kaylems life!

Thankyou both, I'm not trying to stop him seeing her or anything. I'm not even going to limit the time I'm offering as I want to remain consistent.

I just wondered if it would e fair to atop his brother and parents coming round, so he can have one to one with my daughter instead of using other people to do it for him, because he keeps inviting more people round on his day and his parents and brother dont really care about my daughter either, they can't wait to get away.

Um, well you only have to accommodate the FOB or where would it stop!? You'd end up having his second cousin twice removed coming over so I think its best to just stick to FOB. If his family want to see LO then they can on his time not on their own scheduled time. Or else you'll end up living your live completely around other people which is not fair.

 

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[Laura2919]

I'd sit him down and talk to him and just explain that if he is just doing it because he feels he has to then he can just walk away. It would be less damaging for your child in the long run. Sometimes I wonder just exactly what they think of sometimes. FOB would be the same but luckily for me he has a fantastic mum who won't allow him to slack where his children are concerned although they don't bother about him much nd it's upsetting because I want Chloe and Jaycee to have a relationship with their dad like I have with mine. Although my parents are still together they can still have that bond with their dad like I do with mine. In fact he should be trying harder yet he just changes dates and lies and generally is completely unhelpful.
But they will only change when it's all too late

 

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