Desperately need money advise, really don't know wot to do!?

[heather91]

Im gobsmacked at his attitude. Me any OH share all money. Im a SAHM and he would never say its his money or anything like that. I would absolutely leave him...

 

[RaspberryK]

Im gobsmacked at his attitude. Me any OH share all money. Im a SAHM and he would never say its his money or anything like that. I would absolutely leave him...

We share all money too, to be honest once you've decided you're a committed couple I don't think money matters (as long as one isn't spending triple what the other is). I have a friend who if she "borrows" £5/£10 from her DH then she has to pay it back, and vice versa? Seriously if I lent my friend a tenner I wouldn't even ask for it back let alone of my DH.

x

 

[Lauki]

Im gobsmacked at his attitude. Me any OH share all money. Im a SAHM and he would never say its his money or anything like that. I would absolutely leave him...

We share all money too, to be honest once you've decided you're a committed couple I don't think money matters (as long as one isn't spending triple what the other is). I have a friend who if she "borrows" £5/£10 from her DH then she has to pay it back, and vice versa? Seriously if I lent my friend a tenner I wouldn't even ask for it back let alone of my DH.

x

If I borrow money from my hubby to buy something just for me I feel 'obliged' to pay him back otherwise I feel guilty about it! He never wants me to pay him back though, but I secretly do still .

 

[RaspberryK]

Im gobsmacked at his attitude. Me any OH share all money. Im a SAHM and he would never say its his money or anything like that. I would absolutely leave him...

We share all money too, to be honest once you've decided you're a committed couple I don't think money matters (as long as one isn't spending triple what the other is). I have a friend who if she "borrows" £5/£10 from her DH then she has to pay it back, and vice versa? Seriously if I lent my friend a tenner I wouldn't even ask for it back let alone of my DH.

x

If I borrow money from my hubby to buy something just for me I feel 'obliged' to pay him back otherwise I feel guilty about it! He never wants me to pay him back though, but I secretly do still .

We'd be paying each other back everyday if we did this but I just had a thought - as we only have joint accounts the money is all in one pot so it wouldn't make a difference anyway .

x

 

[Amygdala]

I agree that in a committed relationship money shouldn't be an issue. We've had a joint account ever since we first moved in together and we're both responsible with money so neither of us feels we have to ask. We just both try to make the best financial decisions for us as a family. Maybe if one of us wants to buy something big for themselves we'll discuss it. But honestly, neither of us has ever said "no" to something the other wants, because we both trust each others decisions.
But anyway, each to their own and if a couple wants separate accounts then that's their thing. What is not ok is to expect one partner to pay/sacrifice more towards a joint decision, especially a baby. I firmly believe that in a relationship based on mutual respect, both partners should be equally well off. The fairness doesn't lie in both partners putting the same money in but in both putting the same EFFORT in and having the same standard of living. If one earns less but does equal amounts of work (e.g.housework, childcare) then they shouldn't have to put in the same amount of money and be left "poor".
Just because you're paid less on mat leave doesn't mean your worth less. What would he do if you went back to work straight away? I'd try to make him see these things and if he doesn't, draw a bill for his half of the childcare cost. You're leaving your job to look after his baby, surely you should be paid. You could probably charge him for some cleaning and cooking as well. See how he likes his partner being so petty about money!

 

[leahsbabybump]

me and my oh have sepearte accounts and like i say before he claims all what we can he pays for everything the amily needs in the means of food and household goods etc i just give him £90 a fortnight towards it all so in effect we pay for half of everything each and im left with £45 for my self and so is he when my MA stops i think it works out that he will give me a bit of money for my self each week
if i every really need something i cant go without like my shoes bust or i need new clothing as its seen better days then he will buy me what i need if he has the spare cash left after bills etc if i havent got any and if the kids need something i will just either pick it up from primark or something or we will put togeather for it but my family aregreat were the kids are concerned they will usually buy them bits and bobs of clothes and shoes anyway if they see it cheep while they are out and about

when i actually sit and think were all our money goes etc and what he has bought for himself over the years i feel really guilty he hasnt bought him self any new clothes or shoes for about 2 year bless him lol all the newish stuff he has has been gifts for xmas etc i have allsorts of new stuff and kids never go without
i may have to treat him on daddys day lol

 

[kiwi16]

my OH earns about 1500 a month and im just on basic mat pay so 90% for 6 week then £128 per week. we can claim is child benifit (£20 per week and child tax credit about £12 a week) so you would probabaly b entitled to the same. Il b paying about £350 a month in bills, this is the same as i normally pay and im happy to do this. It leaves me with about £250 a month myself. He pays about £800 (including car). Perhaps you could work out how much you could pay and explain to your OH your not expecting to pay nothing but you cant live off your overdraft and will need some free cash to buy baby things and clothing. Maybe he wil be more reasonable once he sees he will still have more money than you left every month. Also, does he know how much childcare costs if you return to work early he might have a change of tune if he realises you'd still be no better off after paying nursery fees?

 

[wanabe mum]

oh my word, tht is unfair!! My hubby knew we wld struggle with money wen i went on maternity but we he is payin all the household bills plus his own d.debits! i pay my own d.debits and household food which isnt much compared to what he has to pay but i only get 450 a month and its tight! I think he shld hav realised tht it is impossible for you to continue payin what you do!

 

[BabiNo2]

Doesn't sound very reasonable to me, you both decided to have a baby together and so its a joint effort and he should have known from the start what maternity leave meant with regards to pay. Sounds like he is more concerned about his own financial independence. Although its a bit harsh your probably better off without him. You could then get help as a single parent financially from the government. What is he going to do, make you spend all your wage on paying bills and leave you and baby with no food, nappies or essentials. Sounds like he needs to wise up and act like a man. Sorry if that's nasty I'm in one of those moods today lol!! Hugs to you xx

 

[doggy121]

oh dear me, i hope you two can sit down and talk this through as its so not fair that he wont help support you!
me and chris have shared everything since we got together 13 yr ago, even when we where dateing, he doesn't 'do' money and leaves the finances to me even down to me getting him cash for his wallet for work and suchlike, the only time he got involved was a few yrs ago when we were in our overdraft and we had to sit down and do a budjet, he's the one that goes without tbh and makes sure i av what i need bless.

i really hope for a good outcome for you, keep us posted hun xx

 

[babybambi2011]

if my fiance said that to me, id be very dissapointed in him, and quite frankly, id tell him were to shove it. he cant honestly think that you will be ok with using ur overdraft to pay for your share of things. it costs to use your overdraft with most places, and what is he going to do when baby is here... expect you to pay for all of the babys things while he sticks to his "arranged" out-goings... i dont think so. he needs to understand that things are going to be tough but he has no right in expecting you to continue like before. in my opinion, you need to tell him to stop being such a kid, and realise that its only while your not working, and while your looking after his baby. in my opinion it sounds like he doesnt repect you.... what your going through is tough enough with the added pressure of moolar and immaturity. he is going to be a father, and he needs to step up to the mark, and now!
i hope it works out for you and he realises what an idiot hes being.... show him this link if it helps... sometimes men are just selfish and dont realise they are being a complete and utter twat. god knows my OH has had plenty of these moments. chin up chick
xxx

 

[Jaz_]

Thanks so much everyone! really appreciate the advise! Im still working on it but i think we could have come to a compromise, il still contribute by paying £300 a month instead of the full £500 an he'l pay the rest.

his mum is a child minder, she will look after child for free, so he thinks i should go back to work asap cos she'l b ther an we'l not have to pay for it, but i dont want his mum being the mum of my baby, i think looking after the baby for 6 months il feel ok to go back to work, but i dont want to go back earlier i want to be with my baby for as long as i can an everyone iv spoken to says 6 months is minimum! xxx

 

[Mother of 4]

I've never understood the whole splitting the bills thing I guess. Wether my money or my husbands it was always put together and we've always done it that way. Now that I've been a stay at home mom he would work 2 or 3 jobs if he had to in order for me to be here to care for our children.

 

[luckylecky]

Wow, what a complete @#*%head. You say it's 'his' house and he insists you should still contribute to 'his' mortgage whilst looking after his child.... Just, wow..

 

[Lauki]

Thanks so much everyone! really appreciate the advise! Im still working on it but i think we could have come to a compromise, il still contribute by paying £300 a month instead of the full £500 an he'l pay the rest.

his mum is a child minder, she will look after child for free, so he thinks i should go back to work asap cos she'l b ther an we'l not have to pay for it, but i dont want his mum being the mum of my baby, i think looking after the baby for 6 months il feel ok to go back to work, but i dont want to go back earlier i want to be with my baby for as long as i can an everyone iv spoken to says 6 months is minimum! xxx

I know exactly what you mean! You want to be there with your baby and bond and spend time together and be a mum. Not drop your baby off at MIL and go to work! Just take your 6 months Maternity Leave, you're entitled to it and he should stop being so insensitive. It's your baby, not his mothers baby!

6 months really is the minimum in my opinion as well, unless you are really stuck for money and you can't make ends meet. Sounds like your husband earns plenty though to cover things. Baby's come with responsibilities ! He should start to realise that about now.

Good luck !