DH hardly even trying!

Jess125

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I'm so angry at DH :growlmad: We've been TTC for a year now. I was diagnosed with PCOS so I've been on Metformin for 7 months and it's regulated my cycles and I'm ovulating. The past couple times we timed BDing perfectly but still no BFP so I'm starting to think something is wrong with DH but he refuses to go to dr and get an SA. So instead I just bought some Fertilaid for Men for him since it's supposed to boost male fertility and I figured it couldn't hurt even if he doesn't have a problem. Well he's complaining because he has to take it 3x a day. Seriously?? I've been taking Metformin for my PCOS 3x a day since Feb and also take a prenatal. I've gone to the dr 4x this year, I chart my temp every day, and I've spent over $500 on dr visits, blood tests, meds, ovulation and pregnancy tests. DH has the nerve to complain that I'd like him to take a vitamin 3x a day?! :grr: He took them all yesterday because I reminded him but I checked to see if he took one with breakfast this morning and nope! Of course not. I'm so sick of trying sooo hard while he acts like he doesn't even care. He says he wants kids but does he hardly is even trying!!! When he gets home tonight I'm telling him that if he doesn't want to take those vitamins then I'm throwing my Metformin in the trash because I'm sick of doing everything I can while he sits back and does nothing.

Does anyone else have a DH that is hardly trying? I feel like I'm the only one with an unsupportive husband :(
 
I'm sorry you are dealing with that. I am kind of in the same boat. He is kinda like it will happen when it happens. He did agree to an sa but didn't say when. Also going to try that fertilaid stuff. He kinda got annoyed when I told him that but oh well lol. Try not to feel so bad, he is a man. They don't think like us. They don't like to feel like something is wrong with them. That hurts their ego. They want to be manly virile creatures that don't have any fertility issues lol. Just try to stay positive and stay on him about the chills. He sounds a lot like my man. They don't do it to hurt us, that's just the way a lot of men are. *hugs*
 
i thought my OH didnt care until we got into an argument at the weekend, and he felt like i was blaming him for not getting pregnant and i believe alot of men feel like this, i wasnt blaming though but he started thinking he wasnt making me happy and stuff, like the above post men don't want to believe there is anything wrong with them, so just speak to him and reassure him you dont think there is anything wrong-even if there is, tell him there is no harm in him taking these pills :)
 
Before falling pregnant I strugged quite a lot with my partner too. He would squirm his way out of any kind of baby/can we TTC talk, over, and over and again. It went on for a significant amount of time. When he finally agreed to DTD unprotected, it was like giving with one hand and taking back with the other, as he then swapped his tactic to barely DTD with me! I found that really pathetic and petulant! The times around my positive ovulation tests were a nightmare..I knew I was on a time frame and I got mighty sick of having to 'persuade' him into DTD! I got really angry at times. Fortunately I didn't have to struggle taking meds but I was doing what I could by doing the research and taking ovulation tests, logging cycles etc. Since falling pregnant he has changed and seems happy and excited about it, but man did he make me work for it-something I think I will always feel bitter and upset about. I think it's their mentality..very self centred and childish at times!
 
I have struggled with my DH too. I have also had this arguement- I'm temping, taking vitamins etc and how can he have the nerve to complain about DTD? The only answer I get regularly is that it is "too much pressure."

I think alot of this is due to the feel of failure. There is something really masculine about the idea of "knocking your woman up." When they feel they are failing, it is natural to see them pull back. Sort of that "if i can't do it , I won't try" mentality.

While this is frustrating for all of us, I am starting to realize that my guy is going through his own feelings and emotions about not getting pregnant. Just like me he feels broken and is wondering if it is his fault..he just expresses it in a different way. Don't underestimate the amount of grief he may be feeling watching other guys "succeed" at this task while he is feeling like he is failure.

I do agree that it may be time for you to hold off on all the extra stuff you are doing if he isn't going to reciprocate by putting in the effort. While I have at times hated to "stop" temping etc, I just had to face the fact that it wasn't worth doing if he wasn't all in. I think I kind of threw my DH for a loop when he asked when I was ovulating one month and I told him I had no idea because I wasn't signing up for an emotional rollercoaster if he wasn't invested. Worked for us.

Hugs to you. I feel you frustration.
 
I don't even tell him when I am ovulating anymore. He just thinks I'm an insatiable goddess one week out of the month lol.. They love us I have no doubt but they aren't programmed like us. Men are naturally more laid back. Sometimes you need to work them. When he knew I just wanted him because I was ovulating he wasn't up to it but when he thinks I am just turned on by him (which I am of course) he is much more receptive. :)
 
I'm so glad I'm not alone! Thanks for all your replies :hugs: The few times when I mentioned a SA he was like "No need for that! Nothing is wrong with me!" I understand how he would feel like failure if he had a fertility issue because that's how I felt when my dr told me I wasn't ovulating because of the PCOS. But I dealt with it, you know? I took meds that made me sick for a whole month and kept going back to the dr for tests because starting a family with DH means everything to me. But all I ask is for DH to take some vitamins and he's acting like such a baby about it! Just so frustrating. I even told him about all the success stories with Fertilaid and he's still putting up a fight. I put in so much effort every day and I'm not getting anything in return so I'm about done TTC unless he changes his ways.

Tonight I'm just so tempted to throw out my meds and be like fine, you don't want a baby then it looks like we're never having one because I'm infertile without those meds! And once I stop the Metformin I'm never starting it again because it makes me sick for a month while my body gets used to it. Would love to see his reaction to that. Guess that would show me how serious he is about TTC. Ugh!
 
I don't even tell him when I am ovulating anymore. He just thinks I'm an insatiable goddess one week out of the month lol.. They love us I have no doubt but they aren't programmed like us. Men are naturally more laid back. Sometimes you need to work them. When he knew I just wanted him because I was ovulating he wasn't up to it but when he thinks I am just turned on by him (which I am of course) he is much more receptive. :)

DH told me not to tell him when I'm ovulating because there's too much pressure but I'm sure he knows something's up when I keep trying to DTD with him for 5 days straight lol
 
I think men secretly think it could be them and that's why they get all macho about it. My dh did do the SA without hesitation (he's super supportive and will do anything I ask him to). However, the results of his SA backfired on me. When the nurse called she told us he "has the most beautiful sperm she's ever seen". All I heard for 6 months was how beautiful his sperm were... Blah! He didn't realize it was making me feel like a failure.

We have had to learn to be supportive and understanding with each other. It hasn't been easy but it would have torn us apart.

Be open and honest with your husband, tell him how you feel and how his action/reactions make you feel. If not its going to take all of the fun out of ttc.

Good luck and I'm sorry you are going through this! We are headed into our 5th year ttc and we are still enjoying sex!
 
LoL he might know but can't confirm it lol.. every other night is fine. I talked to mine about the pills too and kind of got the same reaction. I swear I might have to mix them in with the food like the dogs lol.. Don't threaten him with stopping your meds. If he is anything like mine he will say something like I didn't ask you to take them and piss you off further. He will take them, just give them to him at his meal times. I hate how we have to baby them sometimes but they are big babies.. :)
 
I actually thought about mixing them in with his food earlier today lol! And them I'm thinking do I really have the resort to that?? But I might have to. The whole problem is that I leave for work before DH even gets up in the morning so I'm not there to give him the pill with breakfast. I can remind him to take one with dinner and then one a few hours later with a snack but it's the morning pill that he's not going to remember. It just got me so aggravated today because last night before bed I said do you want me to leave the bottle of vitamins out so you'll remember to take one in the morning? And he was like no, I'll remember, don't worry. And of course he didn't! Ugh! He'll be home in an hour so I'll have to talk to him. I just hate feeling like such a nag!
 
Well the good thing is he is willing to take them. Can you maybe call him in the morning or text him? Can he double up on the pill at another meal? Im not really sure how it works..
 
I think men secretly think it could be them and that's why they get all macho about it. My dh did do the SA without hesitation (he's super supportive and will do anything I ask him to). However, the results of his SA backfired on me. When the nurse called she told us he "has the most beautiful sperm she's ever seen". All I heard for 6 months was how beautiful his sperm were... Blah! He didn't realize it was making me feel like a failure.

We have had to learn to be supportive and understanding with each other. It hasn't been easy but it would have torn us apart.

Be open and honest with your husband, tell him how you feel and how his action/reactions make you feel. If not its going to take all of the fun out of ttc.

Good luck and I'm sorry you are going through this! We are headed into our 5th year ttc and we are still enjoying sex!

Wow, I bet my DH would do the same thing if his SA came back like that. He has no problem pointing out that I have a fertility issue but when I talk about the possibility that he might he acts all macho. I keep reminding him that my meds are working (I've got OPK's and temp charts to prove I'm ovulating) and we're timing BDing right yet I'm not pregnant so I wonder why?? Wish DH would just act like a mature, responsible adult for once.

Anyway, good luck to you too! :dust:
 
MY DH will take whatever I want, but I do have to remind him because he forgets. I try to remind him each night to take his vitamins.
 
I actually thought about mixing them in with his food earlier today lol! And them I'm thinking do I really have the resort to that?? But I might have to. The whole problem is that I leave for work before DH even gets up in the morning so I'm not there to give him the pill with breakfast. I can remind him to take one with dinner and then one a few hours later with a snack but it's the morning pill that he's not going to remember. It just got me so aggravated today because last night before bed I said do you want me to leave the bottle of vitamins out so you'll remember to take one in the morning? And he was like no, I'll remember, don't worry. And of course he didn't! Ugh! He'll be home in an hour so I'll have to talk to him. I just hate feeling like such a nag!
Could you set a reminder to go off each morning on this phone?
 
Well the good thing is he is willing to take them. Can you maybe call him in the morning or text him? Can he double up on the pill at another meal? Im not really sure how it works..

Not so sure he's willing... When he comes home he's either going to lie and say he took the pill (I know he didn't because I counted), or he'll say he "forgot" which is probably a lie since I know he doesn't like taking them. The pills are supposed to be taken in 3 doses so they're better absorbed and if you double the dose it could cause stomach upset but I may just tell him to take 2 with dinner and hope for the best.
 
Well I hope he listens. So frustrating. I feel your pain. Mine might not be as difficult as yours :/ He knows I better not catch him lying or it would be on like donkey Kong lol.. Hmm.. What to do what to do..
 
I think this is probably just a normal state of affairs. My DH and I had a discussion about this earlier today cos I was a bit upset that when I thought AF had started yesterday he didn't seem too upset and so I flew into a bit of a rant. Anyway, what he told me was that basically he does want to have children but he doesn't feel the same way as I do, no sense of urgency. Also he just blithely thinks it'll happen and it wont take too long either (because of his super sperm of course) and so he doesn't see it as the disaster I do.
 
I'm sorry :( My partner is kinda in the same mind frame. Tried getting him to take some Zinc, nope - not willing to do it. And even after last month when AF showed, he said he was sad and that he was hoping I was pregnant yet is unwilling to make any changes or talk about it with me. He says he wants nature to takes it's course, I say we're getting older plus I'm trying to gender sway towards a boy, but know not to push it otherwise Miss Emotional Me will get upset and look into things too much. At least I KNOW he wants another, I just wish he would talk to me about it and make the changes I'm asking him to and understand how much effort I'm putting in.
 

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