DH really hurts my feelings sometimes...

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive' started by jesterface, Apr 2, 2011.

  1. jesterface

    jesterface Well-Known Member

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    Anyone else experienced this? DH is SO insensitive! I often wonder if he really wants to have a baby... It took me forever to get him to stop laughing at me and rolling his eyes when I put my rear on a pillow after BDing. Then he hints to me that the reason we aren't successful is because I smoked a few times socially... :saywhat:??? I looked back at my charts and every month we seemed to either miss a day when I had a +OPK or we would miss a few days during the window. Certainly not because we were busy because I am unemployed up until two days ago. :coffee:

    We suspect he has a low sperm count because when he was younger, a doctor messed up a jaw surgery and cut his pituitary gland. He had to go on growth hormone until he was 21. BUT he refuses to get a SA done. I understand the reluctance, but hey, that's the easy part! If it's not him then I have to endure tons of painful testing... and in the end if we are successful, I am the one that has to endure 9 months of carrying another human being inside of me and go through the labor process to get it out! :winkwink:

    I tell him that's fine that he doesn't want to do a SA, but obviously something is not working. It took me forever to convince him to let me buy Pre-Seed, and now he's rolling his eyes at me again b/c it takes 15 min. to soak in and he thinks it's ridiculous to use a syringe and have to wait. Make me feel like a freak why don't ya? ](*,)

    I tell him about instead soft cups and he flipped out! He says he doesn't want to do anything un-natural and "going" in a cup is ********. I tell him he doesn't have to, I can put it in after we BD, and he still gets down my back about making a baby 'the natural way'. So what if the doctor tells us IVF or IUI is our only option? Are we S.O.L.?? :shrug:

    Today I am emotional anyways and I made the comment that I got a fever blister... which I only get when I'm stressed out. He says "About your new job?" I say "Probably, and the whole worrying about getting pregnant thing.." He says "Just relax, it will happen when it happens. Don't worry about it." I say "Easy for you to say!" (everyone who is TTCing knows not to say "It will happen when it happens" or "All in God's timing" b/c it just doesn't help!) He literally rolls his eyes, makes a big huff, and stomps off actually growling at me! Where is the sensitivity? The reason I'm worried is b/c I'm obviously the only one working at this. He gets to do the fun part... when he wants to... I'm so upset right now. :cry: Anyone else had this problem w/ DH??
     
  2. ao30

    ao30 Well-Known Member

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    So sorry... perhaps this is his way of dealing with less than an ideal situation. The reluctance to get an SA is pretty common, and understandable.

    My husband wanted to have a baby when we first started TTC, but he wasn't all that serious about it until I got pregnant. Than he would just stare and stare at my stomach and find excuses to rub it (I had a miscarriage soon after). Sometimes something has to happen before it really hits home.

    :hugs:
     
  3. Hazelnut

    Hazelnut New Mum.

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    Did wnat to read and run hun. Hope you're ok. x x x
     
  4. bluelilly72

    bluelilly72 Well-Known Member

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    in a way yeah my oh does not understand in ways but he will do what i ask him they is a fertile test you can buy of ebay to check sperm i thinking off getting one in few months if i dont catch the eggy. but my oh on the other hand he dont like talking about baby's he don't listen or pay attention when i do and then his sister got preg and told me with a smerk on his face so i ended up going to bed but i fine with it and he said sorry tho i don't find it easy to forget
     
  5. readyformore

    readyformore Well-Known Member

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    Oh, hun. Big hugs.

    Honestly, I think that's just how men are. It's not that important to them.

    And for you guys, I bet that it's not that he doesn't care about you, he's probably terrified that he's not 'manly' enough to have good swimmers.

    Try to be patient with him. And tell him how you feel. Don't burst into tears and accuse him of not being sensitive to your feelings. Just tell him that it's really important to you and even if he doesn't understand fully what your feelings are, it would be nice if he could be a little more supportive.

    How long have you been ttc? If it hasn't been a year yet, then I wouldn't worry about IUI or IVF and if he'll do it or not. I think your worries might be getting ahead of you and you could wind up pregnant regardless.

    Best of luck to you.
     
  6. Shaz011804

    Shaz011804 Well-Known Member

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    hi hunni i know how you feel took me over a year to get my oh to have an sa done when it came back it said he had motility, we use softcups now and pre seed, we do it naturally then put a softcup in so the sperm stays close to my cervix, not worked as of yet but we keep trying, vitamins are also another good thing to help to so try that.

    My oh used to hurt my feelings the same as yours does but we had it all out one day and he realised how much it meant to me and him in the end and now we will try anything so keep your chin up hun i'm trying to also baby :dust: to you and good luck xXx
     
  7. AriesMom07

    AriesMom07 Expecting # 2!

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    I went through a little bit of this kind of bs with my SO. And it was painful when it was going on. First he said he wanted to have a baby...then I buy all the ovulation stuff and when it came down to the days we had to BD he would find a stupid excuse...then a week later he said he didn't want to have a kid and it tore me up because one of the huge things we had in common was wanting children. (he found out a child he raised for the first 6 months with his ex wife wasn't his) and so he had some emotional issues with it but he led me on about it the wrong way at first. So I gave up trying...Then he came to me and said he was sorry about saying those things he was just frustrated and since then he has been on board but when we first started actively trying we hit a few bumps in the road (him not wanting to bd on schedule) And not taking it seriously then getting mad when I would throw my hands up and get upset about it. But we are finally on the same track we just had to sit down and discuss in depth what ttc really involved which is dedication and perseverance. Now we are right on track with eachother but girl I know how it feels when the other person says one thing and then acts a different way. Sometimes I don't think men take the time to really listen and understand the ttc methods or reasons behind them. I had to really explain in simple terms to my SO why things HAD to happen the way they do. I had skimmed over them before and he hadn't really paid alot of attention which caused misunderstandings between us when it came down to doing it all. Only thing you can do is sit down and have a heart to heart and really explain things to him and the importance of it all in relation to ttc...Some of the methods may seem weird but when you want a baby you'll try almost anything and tell him that softcups are NOTHING in comparison to what you both will have to go through if you have to go through a fertility doctor and be on medications and do all the procedures. Good luck to you hun hope you can feel better soon.
     
  8. hollyw79

    hollyw79 Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry :( That has to be very hard to deal with. If he were my hubby, I'd question how badly he wanted he baby too. Have you tried talking sincerely one on one about it?? I don't find TTC funny AT ALL. Sure, I enjoy having :sex: and making that effort and we play in THAT sense- but that's about it.

    I can say~ if you've been trying awhile- and depending on your age- I am a HUGE advocate of both people getting checked out. Let's face it- no man is OVERJOYED to go get a sperm analysis- but it's important to know. My DH is perfectly healthy and a very handsome, fit man.. we went just for the heck of it TOTALLY thinking everything was fine and just wanted that confirmation- well, it was a huge blow when his sperm analysis came back with only 4% normal sperm and low count. If your DH does have an issue- you'd be putting yourself up for MONTHS of disappointment that could potentially be avoided if you know in advance of what your dealing with. And if it comes back fine- great- you know that's not the issue- you can be at rest about it- and just keep on trying.

    I did an IUI as a result- and it is the EASIEST thing in the world so don't be afraid if it resorts to that. I got preggo 1st try with it. Sadly, I mc.. but i would do it again in a heart beat.

    I have to say- I am totally on your side on this point... I'm sorry you're dealing with that and I hope he can maybe try and see if from your point of view and work together as a team to help conceive! :hugs:
     
  9. jesterface

    jesterface Well-Known Member

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    Thanks all for the sweet replies! I think my problem is that I was kinda knocked back by this behavior because after we first got married, for months, every time we DTD, he would say things like "I can't wait to make you a mom!" and I took it for granted. Now I would chop off a limb to have him do that again lol... jk jk about the chopping of a limb but you know what I mean lol... We have been TTC off and on for 2 years, but seriously since just before Christmas. I will be 25 in May, and he just turned 28. So, in my opinion, we are both young and healthy... so I can't help but wonder what's up. I would try to have a heart to heart w/ him, but every time I do, it turns into a fight... hopefully, with lots of prayer, it will resolve itself. Thanks again ladies!
     
  10. Jokerette

    Jokerette Mama of 2

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    I'm sorry :( hugs your way!!!
     
  11. Newlywed52810

    Newlywed52810 Pregnant with our first!

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    So sorry you're dealing with this. I went through the same thing with my husband. It tore me up. I mean seriously, 3 days a month you need to BD and he's "tired"?? It was total crap, and every time he didnt take me seriously I would fly off the handle, so then he got to say I was overreacting and overemotional.

    Eventually I sat him down and explained everything to him, the ins and outs and all the technical stuff most men dont want to know. I think it really helped him understand that no, I was not OBSESSED with having a baby, but rather in order to TRY you really have to try! We both ended up going through rounds of fertility testing.

    I'll be thinking of you, best wishes. You do have age on your side. And this is something I think a lot of women deal with at some point!!!

    xo
     
  12. jesterface

    jesterface Well-Known Member

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    Thanks again for the sweet replies! I ended up having a sort of nervous breakdown. I had enough.. DH listened to what I had to say and agreed to go next mont for a SA if we are unsuccessful this month. We also talked about him getting more involved in all the TTC stuff so he could realize it's not a chore... just about getting information and making a plan accordingly. He agreed to make it fun instead of feeling like it was an "obsession". Thanks for all of the advice!! <3 (((hugs)))
     
  13. LittleBird

    LittleBird Mommy to 4 Beautiful Boys

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    I'm glad he finally did hear you and wants to work with you on this. Sometimes we're the same way - we have to get through a huge fight in order to get on the same page. I'm sure both of us could learn better methods of confrontation, but why does it have to be a fight? Hope you're feeling happy and relieved now that you've hashed it out!

    DH started this year NTNP, which was frustrating to me because he acted like he wasn't ready to try again and then wouldn't use protection. Then we'd have a fight about when we should TTC again and he wouldn't give me a straight answer until last month. He said because we werent't trying before MC we shouldn't try now. Then he said he was ready, and I had planned for us to BD after the LOs went to bed and he wanted to play video games. Man, I wanted to kill him that night! :growlmad:

    I think he's scared because of finances (some people never feel prepared enough), and we're building a house and going from one to two kids was quite a shock for him. Talking helped him feel more comfortable, but communication is not something he participates in willingly! Sometimes, with men like ours, we have to express how important something is to us in a way that really gets their attention before they're ready to discuss. It sounds like you guys made it there and I'm happy for you!
     
  14. ao30

    ao30 Well-Known Member

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    Yay :):happydance:
     
  15. NellyVille

    NellyVille Mummy to a beautiful boy

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    Didn't want to read & run, just wanted to drop by and send some :dust: and a big ttc hug xxx
     
  16. AriesMom07

    AriesMom07 Expecting # 2!

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    I'm glad you had a talk with him now maybe things will be easier and you both can be on the same page. :)
     

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