Did anyone else feel like this after a miscarriage?

[abitnervous]

Hi all,

I miscarried back in may, although I think it was June before it was completely over. We tried to get pregnant in July, but no luck.

Now I find I can't bear the trying anymore. It's a combination of too much disappointment when it doesn't work, and also I'm really scared that seeing as my body messed it up once, it'll mess it up again.

Also, and I apologize for how this sounds as I know it makes me look awful, but I'm now terrified that my body will make a baby with special needs and I don't think I'm a big enough person to be able to deal with that.

All this is adding up to us not having anymore kids, which I know my husband will be sad about. I'm also sad for my perfect son who won't get a sibling.

I guess what I'm saying is maybe I should be happy with the family I've got? I don't want to mess it up by getting greedy...

Anyone else feel like this? Did it pass? Did you go on to have another?

Thankyou xx

 

[HollyDaisy]

I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that these fears are natural and understandable. These fears will go away the more you start to heal. I think it would be healthy if you spoke with your husband about all of your fears and get some support from him. I'm not sure if you are a believer but it also helped me to pray and lean into God.

 

[karoolia]

These are normal feelings. You may decide you don't want to try for anymore children, but with time you may feel ready again. Everyone is different, but experiencing fear after a miscarriage is quite normal.

I miscarried in April. I have a brother and a first cousin with chromosomal abnormalities (my brother's is quite rare). I was tested as a child and they found that I was not anymore likely than anyone else to have a child myself with chromosomal abnormalities, but once we had the miscarriage my mind went into overdrive and I began to believe that I would be incapable to having a healthy pregnancy.

I am now pregnant again and although I'm a nervous wreck some days, everything is fine so far.

Don't feel like you need to try again right away, but I also wouldn't make any final decisions for your family at this point. Talk to your husband about your concerns. Talking things out really helped me.

What also helped me was researching miscarriages more. This may not be the best route for everyone as you can come across some scary things. But for me, learning as much as I could, and talking to other women, really helped me realize how (unfortunately) common miscarriages are. This helped me accept that my miscarriage may have been just a fluke and that I had every chance of going on to have a healthy child in the future.

Regardless of what you do next, don't put pressure on yourself to heal right away. It can take a long time and everyone is different. When you are ready you can decide if you want to try again. What you are experiencing is exactly why some doctors recommend waiting up to 6 months. It gives women time to process what happened without having to think about TTC again for some time. Medically there generally isn't a reason to wait longer than a cycle, but for many people, it takes longer to be a place where you are emotionally ready to start trying again or decide not to.

Good luck with your journey. I am sorry that you find yourself here, but I hope you can find some healing and know you are not alone in what you are experiencing.

 

[flou]

How you are feeling is perfectly normal. I had two miscarriages, then my son and I have just gone through my third losd, whilst trying for baby number 2. I have questioned whether DS is enough, would it be so bad for him if he doesn't have sibling because can i potentially go through more losses? But i know DS was worth all the pain and heartache of lttc and the 2 losses I had before him, and thats what keeps me going. Because hopefully my baby number 2 will be worth all the pain im going through at the moment. It might be because your not ready yet to ttc and maybe you will move forward and decide not to try for another. Its a very personal decision to make. But you are not alone.

 

[HollyDaisy]

How are you feeling now? Are you feeling any better?

 

[abitnervous]

Hiya! I'm still feeling like I don't want to have another child as I'm too afraid of everything that could go wrong. I'm really surprised at these feelings as I didn't think that I was very upset about the miscarriage... I always felt it wasn't right this time... hearing that others felt the same has made me feel a little less guilty, and I wonder if I'll feel different soon? It's unusual for me to make decisions based on fear... thanks for your concern it means a lot xxx

 

[HollyDaisy]

Awe, just don't feel bad about feeling or not feeling a certain way. Everybody's experience and emotions are different. Hang in there! Praying for you!

 

[friendbee]

Everything you are describing is normal. I have had multiple miscarriage and often find myself wondering whether I will ever bring a child to term, if I want to try, if I do try and what if something goes wrong.. What if a partner is disappointed if it doesn't work out.. Each time I have been pregnant I have been so scared that the outcome will be the same and have always wondered if it is worth the heartache to try again. I understand where you are coming from. I still don't know for myself and I think it will take time for me to sort out my feelings about it all, as it will for you. You are not alone and I am very sorry you are going through this

 

[Agcam]

I'm sorry for your loss,abitnervous

I've just been through my first miscarriage @ 7+1, and am feeling the same as you.
I'm 38 and wonder whether we've left it too long. A part of me still wants another, but what if this keeps happening?

Like you, we have one child, and wanted him to have a sibling.

I don't know what to say. I'm half-tempted to give up, but also know that I'll probably regret it down the line if we don't try.

Just to let you know that you're not alone.

 

[abitnervous]

I'm sorry to hear that Agcam... it's hard, I guess you never know how it'll affect you until it happens. I'm 37, similar.

I'm still unsure. Every time I get my period I feel so sad. I feel as if all then born babies of this world have rejected my womb to grow in. I know it's stupid, but it still feels like rejection every time. And all my friends are pregnant etc etc...

But then again, life is good at the moment and we are so lucky to have our son, so maybe I'm happy to stay where we are... and pregnancy wasn't exactly pleasant...

But then again, I'm sad for my son if he doesn't get a sibling...

Argh!

Also, this is turning into quite the confessional, but what if GOD FORBID something happened to our only child and we were left with no children and it really was too late?! Argh gnnnnnnrh....

I wish women spoke more about these things, so that all these feelings weren't so unexpected and ugly seeming...

Good luck with whatever you chose, or whatever happens xxx