Did/do you get judged?

[MrsDIJ11]

Hi ladies,

Hope you don't mind me posting in here. I am going to FF and have already had people questioning my decision.... I am worried about how the midwives will be in hospital - I know some can be quite high pressure about BF. How did you find it, or how are you finding it? I really don't want my first hours with the baby ruined by feeling upset about this.

Also - might be stupid thing to ask - but have you found people ask to feed the baby as you are FF? I want it to be just me and hubby doing the feeding for the first few weeks and am a bit worried about this.

Any help/advice would be really gratefully received x

 

[bathbabe]

I had pressure from my midwives at my appointments, but as soon as my baby was born the midwives at the hospital were really supportive. I havnt had anybody ask to feed him x

 

[Sarah10]

We were only asked once during the midwife appointments, we did breastfeed for a few days but things didn't work out. The HV's didn't comment on how i fed, they just asked which milk he was on at the weigh ins xxx

 

[charlotte-xo]

i was never asked at my mw's appointments how i wanted to feed, when i was in labour the mw who was looking after me asked me am i ff or bf and i said ff and she smiled and said well make sure we have everything ready for you then that was that.
i think every mw and hospital is different just dont let them pressure you into anything you dont want to do.

i havnt really had anyone offer to feed him apart from my mum she likes to help me =)

 

[bathbabe]

Also, the only place iv felt judged is on this site

 

[Sarah10]

Also, the only place iv felt judged is on this site

Same! So please prepare youself for this if you enter 'babyclub'. The Tri forums are fantastic, i don't recall coming across any judgement in those.

 

[bubbles123]

I intended to BF at midwife appointments and in hospital so can't comment on that but I found the midwives who visited me were OK about it and the HV was fine too. I think the thing is though that everything is so geared to encouraging BF that FF is just not talked about. I got at a lot of 'oh, we can't talk about formula' from various health care people if I had questions and 'we can't take photos of your baby whilst you are bottle feeding' at baby club, whilst the BF'ing mums have their photos taken feeding fine. This can make you feel bad, even if that's not the intention. No one has ever said anything specifically negative to me in person or asked to feed LO unless I asked them to first. Rather I think you get an OK if you are formula feeding rather than more positive comments if you're BF, if you get what I mean. And I agree that unfortunately there can be some upsetting things in babyclub about formula so it might be wise to steer clear whilst your hormones are raging!

 

[smelly07]

I FF both my girls and the midwives and HV never made me feel bad about it at all, They asked how i was feeding, i answered...end of....none of my friends or family questioned why i was FF. also like some of the people above.. have only become aware of this whole BF vs FF buisness on baby and bump..... it really annoys me not because i feel bad for FF as i dont... it annoys me that other people are so interested in how other people feed their babies and then try to make them feel bad about it or pressured to do it.
so dont worry about the midwives and dont feel pressured you need to be 100% happy in your feeding method otherwise you will end up resenting the feeding times which are beautiful times whether that be BF or FF. x

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Yeah I've been judged for my reasons to FF even though I had attempted to BF. I have also felt judged within the forum. But they Catt judge you him until they have lived your life and walked in your shoes xx

 

[Kitty23]

Personally I felt very judged and felt forced into trying to bf. Stick to your guns though and if you feel pressured tell people to back off lol And yes do be careful in babyclub lol xxx

 

[sunshine114]

I tried BF'ing and when LO was losing weight it was actually a midwife that helped make the decision to switch. The best decision I have ever made IMO, and if I have another child I will NOT be BF'ing. I used to feel like I had let people down, but if you saw LO it is clear that is not the case at all. The only place I feel judged is on here in babyclub, which is part of the reason I don't come on much anymore. I'm doing a good job and sod everybody else's opinion!!

 

[MrsDIJ11]

Thanks so much ladies! Sorry to hear some of you have been judged. x

 

[1982emmac]

all through my pregnancy i didnt have the discussion with mw, she just told me there was a bf workshop going on if i wanted the number. however everywhere i went i felt it was being forced down my throat on posters etc at clinics and at the hosp when i was waiting for scan.

I decided I didnt want to bf from the beginning, however when people asked me (friends family etc) I said i would give it a go and see if it was for me. I dont know why i lied, i think it stemmed from a friend of mine who is a gp and said 'you simply MUST breastfeed' when she found out i was pregnant.

I beat myself up about it a lot during my pregnancy. There always seemed to be a lot in the press whether it was poor denise van outen being made to be a terrible mother for not bf, or one supermodel who claimed ff should be banned for first 6 mnths.

I had a 40 hour labour and when i was taken into theatre the mw simply said 'breast or bottle emma' and i said 'bottle' and then she asked me what brand. and that was it. all the ladies on my ward were ff and nothing said so i didnt feel a bad mother for being the only one ff.

HV was the only funny one, she asked me (when filling in paperwork) if i had tried bf, i said no, and then she asked why. In my head i was going to say 'ooohhh cos of my long labour/exhaustion etc etc etc' but i actually came out with 'it was not for me.' i didnt feel i needed to justify to her anymore.

I don;t like others ff my son. My cousin asked to and the whole time my toes were curling and i was getting frustrated. Now if anyone asks to, i say he is very windy and has trouble bringing up his wind so i would rather do it, thank you. Tjink people can understand that.

I have worried too much about what people think (and still do) but have learnt he is my son and i will raise him how i like.

 

[1982emmac]

i meant it was forced down my neck on posters at the hosp waiting for scan

 

[1982emmac]

another thing i read (dnt know how true this is) is that if u r really really struggling with bf in hosp it is against mw code of conduct to suggest ff as an alternative.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I only FF because my LO wouldn't latch but I have never felt judged by anyone.

I would guard against deciding the world is going to be judging you - sometimes, IMO, a lot of mums who have chosen FF seem to have already decided everyone will see them in a certain way when actually, most people don't care.

 

[bababas]

i was not asked.

right after my son was born the midwife pushed his head on my nipple. i was planning to BF so i wasnt even thinking about it.

after 4 months of horrible BF time, im switching to FF now, gradually.

friends i asked advice judged me. well they said "dont do that, it is not healthy for him" i am not gonna ask them anymore for advice, nor have i told them that i am weaning to FF now.

one friend of mine wanted to bottle feed my LO when she visited me. i have not thought about it before. i found it strange since i would not ever ask this. i know she really loves babies so i just said ok. i didnt mind also. felt a little jelous first. but then it was ok.

 

[ShanandBoc]

If you can (u may not want to at all and thats fine x) but do try and give ur baby your colostrum for the few days after birth, it helps build up their immune system, Colostrum is rich in special antibodies called immunoglobins. These immunoglobins protect your baby from viruses and bacteria. It also halps to pass the meconium (first poo lol) after birth which decreases the risk of jaundice. You can always express and bottle feed this in hospital if u wish

But mainly feel confident in your decision and i wish u all the best, i also had a horrid time with BF and am currently switching to formula x

 

[minties]

I'm so sorry to hear that a lot of you have been judged in the babyclub part of the forum.

I breastfeed but would NEVER judge another parent on how they look after their LO.

You guys are great and doing the best for your babies, be proud! Don't let any catty women try to make you feel bad. At the end of the day you have a happy, growing well-fed baby and a happy mum, that's all that matters.

Just think how things have changed - back when my grandma had my mum and my uncle, she was judged for attempting to breastfeed.

 

[charlotte-xo]

I'm so sorry to hear that a lot of you have been judged in the babyclub part of the forum.

I breastfeed but would NEVER judge another parent on how they look after their LO.

You guys are great and doing the best for your babies, be proud! Don't let any catty women try to make you feel bad. At the end of the day you have a happy, growing well-fed baby and a happy mum, that's all that matters.
Just think how things have changed - back when my grandma had my mum and my uncle, she was judged for attempting to breastfeed.

aw thats a lovely thing to say!!