Did your relationship with your MIL change when you had a baby?

Discussion in 'Baby Club' started by NewXmummyX, Nov 13, 2011.

  1. NewXmummyX

    NewXmummyX Active Member

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    I'm crap with words so not sure of the best way to put this but here goes I will try

    I've always had a really good relationship with my mil but once LO came along things seemed to change, I felt asthough my mil was overtaking certain things to do with LO, I feel jealous sometimes, I feel annoyed by a lot of things my mil does in regards to LO, where as some of the things I am fine with other people doing them but for some reason not mil! I don't know why I feel this way and I don't like feeling this way, I have noticed from reading a few threads on here that I am not the only one to have these sort of feeling towards a MIL, and am wondering if anyone can shed any light on why some people get these sort of feelings?

    I hope I am making sense :dohh:
     
  2. BabyRaff

    BabyRaff Proud mummy to Riley

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    Totally making sense, Althoug my relationship changed, it went from not really having one to have a fairly good one. But as an outsider, maybe you feel like because she's you MIL that you can't tell her what to do with LO and that makes it hard for you to have a relationship? ... hope I help a little? xx
     
  3. NewMummyx

    NewMummyx mummy to 1 and WTT

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    No she still hates me :haha:

    OHs family think Im a homewrecker (OH and his ex split a year before I met him!)
     
  4. MizzDeeDee

    MizzDeeDee I know it all.. ask me!

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    Yes. It was ridiculous how noticeable it was that once I got pregnant that she became down right hateful to me.

    I think it had to do with her losing control of him and the situation... plus she always wanted a girl and she's pretty bitter that we got one.
     
  5. shellie82

    shellie82 Well-Known Member

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    i wouldnt say its changed as i think we have always got on but when it comes to MIL and my own mum even i sometimes find myself getting annoyed because i eel like they think im incapable and try and tell me an OH how we should do things, just recently my mum bought baby a cosy toes because he really needs one and MIL bought him an all in one with feet and mittens because he will need it.

    I know they mean well but to me it seems like they think we dont dress him warmly enough, i think sometimes we become a bit more sensitive when it comes to things with LO's
     
  6. SugarFairy

    SugarFairy Well-Known Member

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    Having a baby means I now actually HAVE a relationship with my MIL. Before he arrived I saw her maybe three times since we got married over a year ago, and only once during the whole of my pregnancy! Its likely she'll have LO one day a week when I go back to work so I'm hoping things stay good between us then, although I'm worried she'll do things her way and not mine when I'm not around
     
  7. HungryHippo

    HungryHippo Domestic Engineer

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    I'm trying to keep it the same...but my MIL sounds like she's doing some similar things. She questions certain things I do with LO and I've had to start cutting off the conversation as she's not getting that she's out of order questioning me in my own home regarding my child. There's a difference between meaning well and meddling and I tried to wait until that line was clearly crossed before being sharp with her. I wish it wasn't that way and hope she gets the message and we can go back to the way it was.
     
  8. lovehearts

    lovehearts Well-Known Member

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    I could have written that post but about FIL. Don't have a problem with MIL as we don't have much of a relationship with her for about 3 years now and although she sees LO she's not all that bothered about getting involved iykwim.

    FIL on the other hand is a diff story. I think it's because when LO was tiny he made a few passing comments to me, little things they seriously annoyed me and I can't let them drop. My DH and I have had words over my 'attitude' towards his father but I just can't get over it. It's sad really cuz we had an amazing relationship before LO was born. I can't see me 'getting over it' any time soon tbh.

    So no, ur not alone

    Xx
     
  9. Shabutie

    Shabutie Mum to Amara & #2 on way

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    I've always had a bad relationship with my MIL and it has kinda stayed that way really. So im not much help.. sorry. :hugs:
     
  10. alicemummy

    alicemummy Guest

    I have the MIL from hell, as a lot of people know. We used to be close when we first met, and it was very important to me to get acceptance from the family as both my parents aren't here anymore, one sister lives in NZ, and the one who lives over here I don't see that often as she lives in the Scottish highlands and doesn't like to see us anymore since our parents died really. It wasnt when I had LO we started to hate each other, it was when we got married, so I guess i was taking her little boy away (despite them not being all that close when we were just dating)...I just but it down to the menopause if im honest with you, as I have no one to compare too- haha! :p
     
  11. Breezy

    Breezy Mommy to one gorgeous boy

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    Yes. And the woman is coming to visit on Friday for the weekend. Ugh kill me now.
     
  12. amy_1234

    amy_1234 Mummy to Olivia

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    MIL are a bloody nightmare I can't stand to look at mine an it annoys me when she holds my daughter. I don't think mine would even dare trying to tell me how to do something because she knows what she would get back. My MIL trys to make my hubby feel sorry for her and she told him she was dying once she is a complete head case and the less she see's of my baby the better. She came round today and said that she used wiskey when hubby was teething, that's was the icing on the cake for me she is never looking after my daughter ever lol
     
  13. SleepDeprived

    SleepDeprived 1 LO + another on the way

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    No. We were close before and are just as close now. She doesn't overstep any boundaries and is very respectful of my wishes. Like, if I'm there visiting with the baby and I notice he's tired, she won't protest if I say I want to take him home to go to bed.

    Even on the day that LO was born, she asked my husband over the phone if it'd be okay if she & my FIL could come by the hospital. She's a very thoughtful woman ... I'm very lucky to have her as my MIL!
     
  14. amy_1234

    amy_1234 Mummy to Olivia

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    your very lucky
     
  15. numum

    numum Well-Known Member

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    I wish there was a way of polling nice mils to see how many of them had the mil from hell and resolved never to be like that themselves.
     
  16. AP

    AP Well-Known Member
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    I always liked her, believe it or not! Then LO came and she began to grate on me. From saying "don't expect us to get involved" to being way too involved... :dohh:

    I actually genuinely would love to get on but I've found give an inch and she takes a mile every time. I'm on last try

    Then I'm emigrating :rofl:
     
  17. Cupkake.Luver

    Cupkake.Luver Mommy to my Babbacakes!

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    My MIL is evil. She hated me and our unborn LO. She was pissed when I told her I was pregnant. She told me through the whole pregnancy she'll never accept him and that I'd be a horrible mother.

    Now that he's born, she doesn't know his name or his Birthday, yet she pretends like she is the best grandma in the world...? Stupid bitch! When OH goes to visit her in PRISON, she shows off Xavier like he's a trophy but when ppl ask how old he is or what his name is, she can't answer.

    I hate her. Its horrible to say but I'm so glad she's in there. LO only see's her once a month. Thank God. Until she gets out.... >.< I wanna move on the other side of the planet to get away from this lady.
     
  18. MizzDeeDee

    MizzDeeDee I know it all.. ask me!

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    I think it depends on how aware they are of themselves. In other words.. yes, they might have had it happen to them personally or they just have no sense of anyone save themselves and their own wants and needs.


    ^^^^ Whenever I give at all she takes advantage and tries some power play by getting angry about something silly. She has not seen Corrine in exactly a month and she lives across the street because she refuses to come over here- she'll only see Corrine now at her house and she's angry at us because she broke plans with us... yep, you read it right.

    That above happened because we invited her to go with us somewhere so she could see Corrine dressed up for Halloween. Before that it was because she bought Corrine an outfit and she wanted us to drop our plans and come over right then and we said we would later that week so she got angry about that.. then we found out she was angry because she wanted me to have Corrine CIO since she was 2 weeks and we told her we didn't want to while we were at her mother's house which we drove two hours to see to please her. ....

    And I could keep going. Every time we do ANYTHING for her to see Corrine she gets angry about something. You would think she'd get that she'd get further if she was nicer but ...:nope:
     
  19. lau86

    lau86 Well-Known Member

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    Eugh I find my mil selfish and mean but with a sugary face if you get me. Her own mil lost her husband of about fifty years recently and is lonely ad in poor health but my own mil says 'she's my mil she's not my problem!' well I'd like to see what she said if I said that to her. I could go on forever about how selfish my mil is! I find she does nothing unless she wants to get something back, so whenever she offers to look after my son I wonder what she's going to want in return. My fil is sensible but so under the thumb he never gets to say his bit.
     
  20. Babushka99

    Babushka99 Well-Known Member

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    Before I had LO. I wouldn't say I liked MIL but I was ok and friendly enough with her & after I had lo she turned into this satanic evil nasty woman. I truly believe I have one of the worst ones out there.
     

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