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Disagreement between my other half and I!

FactoryGirl

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I just wondered how many people you told when you found out you were pregnant, early on.

I've found out I'm pregnant with my first child and I'm only about 4 weeks. I really want to tell my mum, she's a nurse so more than just someone to talk to about my symptoms she's there for motherly advice.

The problem is that my other half doesn't want anyone but us to know until my 12 week scan.

As supportive as he is, he really has no clue about how much changing my body is going through right now. I have a very demanding job and I'm tired all of the time and I just wish I had a bit more of a support network than just him.

What do other think about this? He thinks that you're not supposed to tell anyone at all until you've passed the first trimester.
 
Just let him know how much it would mean to you to be able to tell just your mom. But remember having a baby is a two way street and MUST be done together. So you two need to be able to come to a compromise that makes both of you happy. I waited until both of us were ready and then we have only told people we can trust and know will be there for us if anything were to happen.
 
I had this situation but luckily my mum guessed and asked me. My husband wanted everyone to know at the same time and he didn't seem to understand that it might be something I would like to share with my mum quite early on. It's definitely a difficult one!
 
I've tried to explain to him about how I feel... I'm sure my mum will guess very quick, she knows that we were trying, but I'd rather tell her than her figure it out.

Also i have a lot of family functions coming up over the next couple of months where people will notice that I'm not drinking and I'm asking for things unlike me (ie meat cooked well done). My mum can help cover it up..

I just don't know how to get it across to him about how I feel, but I also don't want to go behind his back and just tell her.
 
Yeah, this is a big one. We had this problem, but the other way around. He wanted me to tell my mom and sister because he knew he wouldn't understand how I'm feeling right now. He was absolutely right.

I would try to express it to him again, that it's not because you want her to know before everyone else, it's for support. Stress is bad for the baby and anyway you can have help relieving it should definitely be explored.

GL.
 
Ask him whether he'd want you to have your mum's support in the (unlikely) event that the pregnancy doesn't go as planned. Honestly, it's your body going through all the tough stuff - I say it's your call who to tell and when!
 
My DH told SIL when I was only six weeks with DD1 after we agreed that we would wait to tell people. It really hurt my feelings and I feel like he betrayed my trust.

I feel the same way as you, would love to tell my mum and could do with the support. However, we have both agreed 12 weeks and I respect that so we will stick to it this time.
 
I think it's different for every woman/couple. I told my best friends and my parents at like 5 weeks. I had a previous miscarriage and I felt so lonely that no body knew. I had to deal with it all alone. This time I shared the news with people I want to share the ups AND downs with. If things don't work out I know these people will be there for me. And my fiance just doesn't relate to what I'm going through as much as my friends and family do. I feel like I'd be missing out on sharing all these little exciting things if there were no one to share it with.
 
I agree with the previous posters. DH wanted to wait as well but I told him that if something bad were to happen, these are the people I would want to share it with so I could have some support and understanding. Maybe see if you can compromise on a bit later, like 6 or 8 weeks? I told my sister behind DH's back but then he told his brother without asking me so it worked out lol!
 
The risk of miscarriage is another reason I want my mum to know, I'd feel like I'd really need her if the worst was to happen.

I think it's still sinking in for him that this is actually happening, we only started trying last month and we just expected it to take a lot longer!

I can't even get my initial doctors appointment for another 2 weeks so he may change his mind following that!
 
i agree with tristansmom. I think it should be your decision.. its hard 2 keep it a secret especially when its your first baby/pregnancy. as soon as I had a few positive tests I went 2 planned parenthood thinking my tests may have been wrong but they weren't. I found out when I was about 4 and a half weeks (its my first also) just seeing all the positive tests 4 the first time I was soo excited. I immediately told everyone.. friends, family, even facebook. & my husband also posted he was gonna be a dad on his facebook. right after I did it I immediately got scared of something happening & then having 2 tell everyone bad news. my husband wasn't worried about it at all. now that im like 10 weeks im starting 2 feel better & im happy with my decision. its totally up 2 u. I see no harm in telling people.. especially if u just wanna tell ur mom! good luck with ur baby:)
 
We are all aware that things can go wrong, and the more people you have told the harder than can be, because they will all ask nicely how pregnancy is going until someone tells them you have miscarried. Since we are aware this could happen, tell whomever you want. If you're not a very private person and it wouldn't cause you more harm to have to tell everyone later, tell every single person you know. It's up to you.

I'm just 8 weeks tomorrow and already told my hairdresser. Telling people if I miscarry isn't going to make it more or less painful for me. I'm not a private person.
 
I am 4.5 weeks and we told our family two days after our first positive test. They also knew we were trying. We waited until my blood work came back to tell everyone else. At first i wanted to wait until our first ultrasound but then I got excited and knew we wouldn't be able to keep it a secret. So I understand both sides here and I would say to sit and have a serious talk with him so he knows show you feel. Communication is key! Congrats btw!!!
 
My husband wanted me to tell someone so I could talk to them as much as I want. He's great and supportive but works full time and doesn't need me texting him all day about symptoms and stuff. Lol! Maybe if you over - talk about things he'll beg you to talk to someone else :p
 
I think you need to talk to him again and really emphasise how you need your mum's support, I hope he is understanding x
 
I agree with with the other posts, trying talking to him again and say that you would really like your mother support etc

me and my oh told most our family now but were waiting to tell friends after the 12 weeks scan, even though my oh would love to tell everyone now he has agreed to wait :)
 
I can't get a doctors appointment for another 2 weeks yet so I've agreed that we will talk about it again after that. He understands my point of view he just doesn't want my family to know before his.
 
I wanted to wait until 12 weeks. (I have PCOS, this is my first pregnancy at the age of 28, I just wanted to be safe)

My OH wanted to tell everyone immediately after we found out. Lo and behold, he couldn't contain himself, so we just sprung it on our families that very evening.

I figure it's just a case of pick your battles. I'm still pregnant so not so bad I guess, and I still get to wait until I tell my work colleagues, so there's that.
 

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