Disappointed and guilty

Discussion in 'Gender Disappointment' started by Sander, May 4, 2019.

  1. Sander

    Sander Well-Known Member

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    We just found out our 2nd baby is another boy, and I have to admit I was so much more upset about it than I thought I would be. I completely built myself up for a girl, as this pregnancy has been night and day to my DS. With DS I had a gut boy feeling which made it easier to deal with when we found out he was a boy, but this one I had girl feelings all the way - I even bought a few girl onesies. When the tech said boy I was so shocked, and I can’t help but grieve for the girl I thought I was carrying.

    I love my son to death and would never change him, and I’m sure I’ll feel the same this time. The reason I’m so disappointed is I don’t think I want more children as my last birth did not go smoothly at all, and this time I will need a C-section which I’m also not looking forward to whatsoever. I don’t want to birth any more children after this one. So I feel like my girl dreams are gone forever, and with boys I feel like my time as their mom is so short compared to girls. It’s not really considered ‘normal’ to go to a movie or out for dinner with your son when he’s a teenager, but if you’re going as a mother and daughter it’s supposed to be great bonding. Plus when boys move out and get married, they become attached to their wife and as a mother you aren’t supposed to interfere, whereas you can always be a sounding board for your daughter.

    Anyways it just feels like now I’ll only get to be a mom for a few years instead of being close to a daughter forever.

    It’s so hard for me to wrap my head around and I know I’m majorly projecting into the future but I just love my kids with all of my heart and the idea of losing them one day is so awful. I really thought if I just get a girl I can always be a mom to her. Now with boys it just feels like my days are numbered. They’ll love me when they’re little, but then that’ll be it. I’ll be washed up at 45.

    I’m sure a lot of these feelings are hormonal but I needed to get them out. I know I will love this baby with everything I have, but I will always miss the daughter I’ve imagined having since I was a little girl.
     
  2. twinklestar25

    twinklestar25 Well-Known Member

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    Hi, I have my 3rd boy on the way and can tell you 2 boys really is brilliant. There are so many good reasons to have 2 of the same gender. I think it’s easier as they have similar interests but each their own personality aswell, my eldest is sporty and plays in football cricket teams, my youngest is not apoty at all and prefers music dancing and computers. But they also have similar insteersts in tv programmes, computer games, places to visit/play. Only having to shop in 1 department can make things easier aswell and been able to pass things down saves money!
    After my 2nd I did for a while I really did want a girl but that feeling passed with time.
    We decided to go for a 3rd as I’d always wanted a slightly bigger family and felt time was running out if we were deciding to add to our family plus I could not shake the desire for another. I’d had a slight hope for a girl but knew our chances for another boy were high, I’d felt I was ready to try, well just more like not trying not preventing but new where that would end ultimately! & ready to welcome a boy or girl. It still kinda stings a little but hoping I’ll feel better like I did last time, 3 just seems a lot no matter what the gender but I’d felt that the whole time I was thinking about it and decided to just go ahead anyway! Crazy I know but here we are.
    You will be fine and giving your son a brother is a wonderful thing x
     
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  3. twinklestar25

    twinklestar25 Well-Known Member

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    Also I forgot to say, I don’t think it’s nessarcerly true about a girl been for life an not a son, my hubby has 2 elder sisters and they both lives miles away, he’s the only one to remin in his home town. I haven’t got a Great relationship with my mum. Hubby can call his mum at any time and she will be there, she’s the only one who has our kids, hubbys dad does but genrally for a few hrs here and there. If we need an overnight it’s his mum we go to, infact we’re tying to arrange for our anniversary at the moment!
    I’ve also seen in my work (a nurse) grown men looking after there mothers and farthers actually. So I wouldn’t dwell on that, I think it prob corms down to personality and maybe upbringing more than just the genders. xx
     
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  4. 3boys

    3boys Well-Known Member

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    I understand completely how you are feeling I had 3 boys before my first girl. I would like to point out that it’s not weird to go to movies or dinner with your teenage son. My eldest is nearly 15 and we go out all the time together and really helps me stay close to him. As horrible as you feel now it won’t last and when he’s in your arms you’ll wonder how you ever felt like this! Hugs x x
     
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  5. Pne1985

    Pne1985 Well-Known Member

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    I have a couple different friends that both have 3 boys and I know for sure my one friend was pretty upset when she found out her 3rd was a boy. She even bought some girl stuff because she swore it had to be a girl. So don’t feel bad. Now that you know, create a bond with him while in womb and you will love him more than ever when you first see him. My husband is the only boy out of 4 children and I have to say he is super close with his mom. He was the baby so I don’t know if that’s why but he probably is the closest to her besides the oldest daughter. You also could change your mind after this baby is here also. I know a woman that her and her husband have 7 children together, 6 boys and their youngest is a girl. My husband asked her the other if they were done having kids and she said I don’t really know, we never thought we would have this many. So I guess some people just know and others take them one at a time.
     
  6. Buttercupbabi

    Buttercupbabi Well-Known Member

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    I have 3 boys, I was a little sad about the 3rd being a boy mostly because I had my boys and would have been nice to shop in the pink aisle for once, give my boys a sister and my partner a daughter too as he was brought up with brothers

    The only thing I can say is what you stated above is so untrue, it is based on how you build this bond with your children! My partner and his brothers are incredibly close to their mom. They shower her with gifts, take her to afternoon tea (shes very british haha) and are always there with their children to see her as well as their dad. If anything I see all my friends and all I ever hear is how they have fallen out with their mother again for interfering bla bla ( they should count themselves lucky their mum is around as mine has been gone a long time)

    Please dont let this make you feel sad, there is nothing wrong in you taking your son to the movies (at whatever age), I cannot wait to take my boy to go and see Pokemon and eat lots of treats - its my excuse to go to town on haribos ha!!

    Also to add... my boys (Not the baby yet) are best of friends. Never a fight, little bickering here and there and you'll be surprised how easy this will make your life!!

    xxxxx
     
  7. schneiderkm1

    schneiderkm1 Well-Known Member

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    My mom lost her one and only son when he wasn’t even 24. Trust me the love between you and your son will be strong forever, no matter who he chooses for a “girlfriend” or “wife”. You are momma to him forever. I know this first hand as I know my moms heart aches every single day for her baby boy and that if he hadn’t had a new found love and understanding of God he may have chosen to stay here on earth just to help his momma get by and not have to feel this way. Your son will never outgrow his momma!!
     
  8. GlitterStar

    GlitterStar Well-Known Member

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    I felt the same way I had always wanted a girl! It wasn’t meant to be I have three beautiful boys. I absolutely adore them I feel stupid thinking back to my feelings about gender in the past. If I go on to have a fourth I’m not joking when I say I would actually love a fourth boy. Its crazy how differently you feel about things. My boys are amazing I am a super geek so I am right into superhero’s we watch all the marvel and dc movies together. I call them my mini avengers and we even bought matching endgame hoodies. They are my best friends I can’t see me ever drifting apart from them even when they are men.

    You’ll be okay please don’t beat yourself up you can’t control how you feel it doesn’t make you a bad person. I feel extremely guilty about feeling that way. I cannot believe how differently I feel now. I hope this makes you feel a bit better. :) xxxxx< 3
     
  9. GlitterStar

    GlitterStar Well-Known Member

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    I also have my mini wee band < 3
     

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