Disciplining an ADHD Child?

[LoraLoo]

Hi all, was wondering if anyone could give me a bit of advice or support. I'm just at a loss as what to do with Ollie, he's 6 and was diagnosed with ADHD in June, though its solmething we have always strongly suspected. I just don't know how to discipline him, I'm at my wits end I know that the majority of the time he can't help it, but he still needs to learn his behaviour isn't acceptable. His 10 year old sister can't stand being anywhere near him and has asked to move out. His baby sister is going to grow up thinking its a 'normal' way to behave. What ever I try he just laughs or refuses to co-operate. I've really been on the verge of smacking him today (school been closed due to weather), something I have never ever done. Its exhausting, frustrating and ...well, not a very enjoyable experience, looking after him atm. I feel like a failure
He can be such a loving little boy sometimes, and then I feel bad and guilty about 'moaning' about him. I do love him to bits, but some days, a break would be nice.

 

[purplerose]

I had ADHD when I was a child. Although I grew out of it, its vice-versa for adults who suddenly get ADHD.

The best way for me to calm down was to listen to classical music. Schubert, Chopin, Beethovan worked for me. Although I have grown to love listen to modern violin music. If he feels fraustrated I will PM you a list.

Once he starts to listen to it, you will see a change. If you have money might I suggest getting him into Piano or some time of music lessons for him to concentrate on. Violin works best too.

 

[purplerose]

I also want to add let him listen to music that has foregin language. t.A.T.u is also a good example for him to concentrate to.

t.A.T.u has about three albums which have Russian language songs (they also have English versions too but I would stick with the Russan).

If he likes motorbikes (although at the end of the clip Yulia and Lena go and crash into each other) I would suggest a song called Snegopady.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3div7N7bT0

 

[purplerose]

Emilie Autumn playing violin.

Extract of "Face the Wall" live
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GXeFlCw-Xs

Unlaced live

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PPslZcQyiY

 

[lozzy21]

I think rather than telling him of you need to explain that his behaviour is not acceptable and why it isent acceptable and then give him a time out, not as punishment but to get him to calm down.

 

[LoraLoo]

I think rather than telling him of you need to explain that his behaviour is not acceptable and why it isent acceptable and then give him a time out, not as punishment but to get him to calm down.

Tried that, still do try it, but he turns away from me, pulls away and then lashes out. I really don't want my 18 month old copying his behaviour xxx

 

[purplerose]

Lozzy, they know it is unacceptable but it is a habit. For me it was like if someone scolded me, or wanted to have a serious conversation with me. I would try to sit and listen (I had the ADHD where I lost my attention quickly and found my mind was scrambled with many thoughts racing at once) but I would start to giggle which would then turn into a full blown laughter fest.

As I said hun. Just try to play the music to him I read a good article where the people that was doing research on others with ADHD found that ADHD paitents found it easy to relate to music.

When he lashes out put him in his room and play the classical music. Let him listen to it for perhaps half an hour or so and go in to check on him.

 

[Moleie]

I work at a school for children with a range of social skills disabilities, ADHD is often the most channlenging particularly when mixing children with ADHD with children with autism

It's difficult and I think different things will work with different childen, when I've worked with children with ADHD I've always been taught the importance of "I" messages. IE not telling them how awful what they're doing is, but asking them how they think it makes you and others feel, and if they think this is a good or bad thing.

Also I've aways been taught that small rewards work better than punishments, but rewards need to be earnt, and there needs to be clear visal signs of how they can earn the rewards, experiment with differnt thing. Like stickers or a star chart that can be carried around. If a certain task is completed, or a behaviour standard is met by a certain time they get a sticker, if they have however many stickers by the end of a period they get there reward.

Also keepiong them focused with competition, if you need them to go somewhere race there, if you need the to do something who can do it first, that kind of thing.

I can't say these things always succesful, or that they last indefinatly, but i think its worth a try, good luck!

 

[MILF2011]

My youngest son is both ADHD and autistic. He is non-verbal (and probably uses 1-2 word sentences when he feels like it)and uses pecs. I think that a large percentage is down to social disability, however it is also dependent on the character and personality of the child. My son is now 9 years and he is extremely cheeky, however we have used various strategies from the age of 5 to assist him in understanding what he should do....

For the past 3 months my son has been taking medication for the ADHD. Obviously, this is down o personal circumstance, choice and what will best benefit your child. I have found that the benefit of Rhisperdone has been his concentration, following instructions and has also slowed down the continuous running jumping and general disruption.

Try and find strategies to curb your sons frustration, an outlet for him to burn energy. Such as sensory toys, films and games that he may like. xxx

 

[mom22boys]

My nephew came for a visit the other day and we all (the family) thinks he is ADHD. I have never seen anything like him. The kid screamed and kicked and broke things in my house. All is mom would do was tell him to breath. SO I wish I could help you out but I would really like to hear other peoples ideas too. I have a child with Down Syndrome and just because he has DS does not mean that we are easier on him. I think lots of it depends on the the child too. Maybe charts and a reward system. I know its very easy for someone to say that kid needs their bottom busted but that is not always affective. (I said it when my nephew left my house). A daily routine lots of structure. Maybe you could ask your school or doctor to suggest some sort of workshops or books that would be helpful. I am sorry if I hear or think of anything I will let you know!!!! HUGS!!!

 

[bek74]

I have an ADHD child and they know what is right and what is wrong. You discipline them same way you would any other child. ADHD isn't an excuse for bad behaviour, they have trouble focusing, trouble follow complicated directions, they can't sit still but that isn't an excuse and as parents we need to stop making it one.
My son is ASD (Autistic spectrum disorder) ADHD, has Anxiety, learning disorders, the list goes on.
When I want him to stop what he is doing, I hold him by the shoulders, so he is still, I make him look at me (eye contact) I give a simple direction, followed by a punishment if he doesn't listen.

Example... David, Stop shooting your gun in the house, ( I then make him repeat what I said, I then ask does he understand what I said) then I say " now if you don't stop shooting that gun in my house I will take it off you for 2 sleeps (he doesn't understand days of week and time etc, but understands sleeps).

If 20min later he shoots the gun in my house, I will hold him, make eye contact and ask him and I will say " didn't i ask you to stop shooting your gun in my house" he will say " yes" I will say " well I said if you did it you will lose it for 2 sleeps, I then remove the gun"

At first you get tantrums, throwing things about... I used to ignore that and now he is just great, I ask him to do something and usually he does it first time.

Consistancy is the key.... and don't through out empty threats, if you say something follow through with it no matter how many tears they give you and how many sorry's. ADHD need structure, they need boundaries they don't need excuses and people letting em just get away with things cause they are ADHD.

I see so many parents with ADHD kids and the kid is off the charts and they say " oh sorry he is ADHD" and I reply " so is my son and it isn't an excuse its a condition".

My son is hyper, he doesn't sit still, he is always on the go, but he isn't off the charts. (with his ASD and anxiety that brings up seperate issues)

My son also goes to a Mental Health Clinic weekly for his other disabilities and it has helped a great deal, so if your struggling with getting your son under control and his behaviour is having a negative effect on your family, i would look into some kind of outsourced support who specialize in ADHD children.

Good luck

 

[AimeeM]

Bek74 i have to say i totally agree with everything you said

Kayden is a nightmare to dicipline. It is a constant battle and it never works but we still do it and again and again.

 

[bek74]

Bek74 i have to say i totally agree with everything you said

Kayden is a nightmare to dicipline. It is a constant battle and it never works but we still do it and again and again.

and that is the Key... It gets easier as they get older, My david will be 11 this year.... Structure and consistancy is the key.
Sounds like you already know that and it will pay off in the long run.

 

[AimeeM]

Bek74 i have to say i totally agree with everything you said

Kayden is a nightmare to dicipline. It is a constant battle and it never works but we still do it and again and again.

and that is the Key... It gets easier as they get older, My david will be 11 this year.... Structure and consistancy is the key.
Sounds like you already know that and it will pay off in the long run.

I hope so!

 

[Annunakian]

I can totally relate to you, Aimee. (btw my sons name is Kayden, too! ) He is very hard to deal with and does what he wants but he knows it doesn't fly. I lived with my mother for quiet some time before I mvoed out on my own and it was THE WORST thing possible for him. She babied him, let him manipulate them and pretty much taught him to disrespect me.

Bek, you have some good advice. I attempt every day with pretty much your discipline routine and it's hard. But I will not give up because ADHD is not an excuse, it just means we try (and they) try harder.