Do i have the right to be pee'd off?

[Miss_Bump]

BF's sister is 13 weeks pregnant but still smoking 10 - 20 a day.

She said she didnt realize it damages the baby this early on she only thought that would happen when she is as far gone as i am

Anyway she jokes about it and says she isnt bothered about smoking as she wants a small baby and even their dad jokes and says its ok she is smoking for 2!!!!!!!!

I got so pee'd at the weekend as when i got my BFP i stopped smoking and STEP MIL just slipped into the conversation 'i guess she isnt as perfect as you then stopping when you found out'

WTF? Im not trying to say im perfect or anything i just want her to do the best for her baby
xx

 

[LankyDoodle]

Yes I would be very annoyed at their flippant comments! I appreciate when people try their best to give up and acknowledge that smoking is bad for the pregnancy and for the baby, but I find it abhorant when people refuse to take any responsibility and make a big joke out of it/get defensive.

You have every right to be annoyed IMO.

 

[Miss_Bump]

Thanks hun

I understand that it is really hard to stop as i found it so so hard but the fact that FIL almost encouraged it i was so shocked!

Its a life that she has created and she mis-carried last year too.

It get me so annoyed the fact that she thinks she is responsible enough to bring a precious life into this world but then is this selfish

GRRRR

I know there is nothing i can do and its her choice and everything but pregnancy hormones arnt helping today lol
xx

 

[Martz]

As someone who has a nicotine addiction herself I can understand why you are angry hun.

I didnt give up immediately after I got my BFP...I tried and failed several times and was about 7 weeks before I kicked the habit all together. Which I felt a little guilty about at first, but now I just tell myself I made myself aware of the dangers and did my best to quit...what more can you ask?! It has now been 5 months since I've had a fag which i think is pretty good going.

So I understand when people say they have tried/continue to to try/cut down etc...they are doing the best they can. But making a joke out of it and saying she wants a small baby anyway is just a sick IMO xxxx

 

[Bournefree]

I found it very hard to give up whilst pregnant - and I'm envious that you managed to.
I cut right back though, as there is no denying it - it is bad for your baby (and more so, in the first and second tri, than the last)

I cut it down to 3 a day, and I have to say that those cigs I was wrapped with guilt each and everytime.

My folks weren’t approving, but were understanding - as my mother (different era though) smoked through pregnancy with my sister and myself. It doesn't make it right though!

I do tell you what I am angered by - and that is some very naive women (can I say younger expectant mums? In my experience) who seem to smoke on purpose, in order to have a small baby... You might be shocked to hear that - but believe me, I've seen it time and again!

Good Thread
xx

 

[Miss_Bump]

I do tell you what I am angered by - and that is some very naive women (can I say younger expectant mums? In my experience) who seem to smoke on purpose, in order to have a small baby... You might be shocked to hear that - but believe me I've seen it time and again!

Good Thread
xx

Are you serious?

Some people smoke on purpose just to have a smaller baby - i didnt know girls actually continued for that reason??????????

I dont want to start a huge debate on this at all but the fact she hasnt even tried is whats getting me.

Ok if she was down to 5 a day thats so much better than 10 - 20 but its just such a shame she isnt getting support at home from her parents.

xx

 

[aliss]

I don't know, I'm conflicted.

I am not a smoker. I have never touched a cigarette. I have cigarette-induced asthma from my mother smoking while pregnant, and spent a lot of time in hospitals from being around cigarettes. I'm probably the LAST person who should support women who still smoke.

That being said, I think the vast majority of pregnant smokers try pretty damn hard to quit. I really doubt that a lot of them do it for smaller babies or whatever. Maybe twits like that attract more attention, but I really think most moms do try hard.

 

[Alisha1985]

At the end of the day smoking harms your baby, every bit of a cigarette that you smoke, your baby inhales it too. FACT. I do not agree with it.

 

[sophieee18]

Oh my.. Im shocked!!!

I used to be a smoker, I smoked about 10 a day. I haven't smoked a cigarette since the day I got my BFP! I just gave up, no hassle!! I now hate it and if anyone smokes around me

I can't believe she is doing that to her baby!!!!

 

[lizzieandzara]

Of course you can be pissed off! I understand that some people find it really hard to quit.. but I have also heard people who make jokes out of it etc.

A girl that works in the same pub as me was in the beer garden last year at 8 months pregnant with a vodka redbull and a cig in hand.. 'Not bovverd cos i heard it meks ya baby smaller init' - I wanted to punch her lights out!!

 

[Bournefree]

I do tell you what I am angered by - and that is some very naive women (can I say younger expectant mums? In my experience) who seem to smoke on purpose, in order to have a small baby... You might be shocked to hear that - but believe me I've seen it time and again!

Good Thread
xx

Are you serious?

Some people smoke on purpose just to have a smaller baby - i didnt know girls actually continued for that reason??????????

I dont want to start a huge debate on this at all but the fact she hasnt even tried is whats getting me.

Ok if she was down to 5 a day thats so much better than 10 - 20 but its just such a shame she isnt getting support at home from her parents.

xx

Totally serious!!! It's hard to believe isn't it! Few and far between, but there are a few, who, as you have encountered, justify it to have a small baby!!
She should at least be trying - I don't think that she has all the facts - or she couldn't be this blasé about it!

Fetal Heamaglobin is slightly different from adult blood, and Carbon Monoxide bonds perminantly with it, and has a faster uptake - making those blood cells unable untill they die, to absorb any oxygen.. even as a women who did smoke in pregnancy.. I knew this - I was suffocating my child with each cig! It is a shocking truth!.. and it is that which leads to poor delelopment, and these small babies!

So it's never a good idea to smoke, but it saying that Nicotine, is very similar to Nicotinide - a neurotransmitter in the brain, so it is also arguably one of the MOST powerful drugs to quit, as I first-hand am experiancing. Though not impossible, as many people prove everyday!

So whilst I would never support any body pregnant or not smoking, I do understand it and sympathise with their struggle
xxx

 

[Jody R]

I do tell you what I am angered by - and that is some very naive women (can I say younger expectant mums? In my experience) who seem to smoke on purpose, in order to have a small baby... You might be shocked to hear that - but believe me I've seen it time and again!

Good Thread
xx

Are you serious?

Some people smoke on purpose just to have a smaller baby - i didnt know girls actually continued for that reason??????????

I dont want to start a huge debate on this at all but the fact she hasnt even tried is whats getting me.

Ok if she was down to 5 a day thats so much better than 10 - 20 but its just such a shame she isnt getting support at home from her parents.

xx

It's even been in the news that people do this on purpose.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uk...oke-to-have-smaller-babies-says-minister.html

I don't like the fact that they seem to be singling out teen mums to point the finger at but the people of whatever age who have the mentality to do this seem to think they will have a less painful labour and easier birth if they have a smaller baby.

In fact they could be making life a lot more difficult for themselves and their babies or jeopardising the pregnancy and the life of their baby completely.

https://healthbeforepregnancy.ca/smoking.htm

It's easy for me as a non-smoker to be angry at your in-laws for their attitudes, I have no idea how difficult it might be to give up or cut down, but your SiL has the best reason in the world to try and she hasn't. And to then laugh about it and make nasty comments to you about being perfect is ridiculous.

I could understand if she had tried and failed to give up that she feels jealous of your success but to not even bother and make the jokes and snide comments is not on.

I'd be angry too, especially as she has lost one baby already. I don't know why she lost that baby and it might have nothing to do with her smoking, I've never smoked and lost two babies, but I know that after my first loss I was terrified I might do something wrong to hurt my next baby and I can't understand someone who won't even try to stop or cut down for the sake of their little ones health or life.

 

[Embovstar]

I think it's best to worry about you and your little one. Well done on giving up; I gave up in 2005 and know how hard it was

Nicola xx

 

[Jellyt]

I've never smoked so I don't know how difficult it is but I can't imagine being able to smoke that much a day and being able to live with myself. Is she just that naive? I understand that it's very difficult to quit but I think most mums at least make an effort to cut down for the sake of their unborn child. You have every right to be annoyed as she should cherish the life inside of her, not compromise it when some people don't get the chance to have what she has and would give up anything for it!

 

[BabyJayne]

I was a smoker and was able to stop as soon as I got my BFP. I have found it quite easy, although I know I am one of the lucky ones and others don't have it quite so easy.

I have made it easier on myself by telling my body that I have given up "for now" and that I will reassess it when the baby is here. Obviously I hope I give up for good and that when baby is here I have no desire to smoke, but I have found it put less pressure on me to put smoking "on hold" rather than saying - as of now I am never ever smoking again...if that makes sense.

Just a thought, but if she is not getting the support or guidance she needs at home, couldn't you try giving it to her, especially as you know how hard it can be to quit?

 

[Minstermind]

The thing I find kind of odd about wanting to keep smoking in order to have a smaller baby, is that I've heard a good number of women who've had multiple births exclaim that the larger babies were easier to give birth to than the smaller ones....so if that's why pregnant women keep smoking, then it's likely they're not doing themselves any favors (and the harm to baby goes without saying).

 

[CocoaOne]

I have made it easier on myself by telling my body that I have given up "for now" and that I will reassess it when the baby is here. Obviously I hope I give up for good and that when baby is here I have no desire to smoke, but I have found it put less pressure on me to put smoking "on hold" rather than saying - as of now I am never ever smoking again...if that makes sense.

I found that this approach helped me when I quit a few years ago. I still had a pack of fags and a lighter in my car or in the house - that way I was 'choosing' not to smoke them as opposed to 'forbidding' myself from having any around me.

 

[curlykate]

I commend anyone who has been able to give up smoking, or to even cut down significantly while pregnant.
It sounds to me, like your BF's sister doesn't understand exactly what the risks are to her unborn child by continuing to smoke the way she is. Perhaps if she was better informed, she'd make more of a conscious effort to quit.

 

[Mrs A]

BF's sister is 13 weeks pregnant but still smoking 10 - 20 a day.

She said she didnt realize it damages the baby this early on she only thought that would happen when she is as far gone as i am

Anyway she jokes about it and says she isnt bothered about smoking as she wants a small baby and even their dad jokes and says its ok she is smoking for 2!!!!!!!!

I got so pee'd at the weekend as when i got my BFP i stopped smoking and STEP MIL just slipped into the conversation 'i guess she isnt as perfect as you then stopping when you found out'

WTF? Im not trying to say im perfect or anything i just want her to do the best for her baby
xx

As a previous smoker who also gave up soon after finding out (at 10 weeks) i also understand why your "pee'd off" but in all honesty you question is do you have a right to be pee'd off welll in my opinion no you dont, at the end of the day i understand your trying to explain to her whats best for her baby, and thats fine, as for getting angry with what shes doing is her decision and it in my opinion has nothing to do with you wheather it be good or bad.
Now as i said i dont agree with what shes doing but as i said its not your decision, you made yours when you quit after finding out.
Im sorry if this offends anyone, but as the question asks for opinions on this i hope it doesnt

 

[fluffpuffin]

It's sick people would start smoking in pregnancy. i can understand it might be hard to stop if you're already a smoker.

what people don't realise is that smoking not only affects birth weight, but can also cause reduced brain function, can cause still births and affect baby's breathing - all because oxygen supply to the baby is reduced.