Do I just let her cry?

Discussion in 'Baby Club' started by shaunanicole, Dec 10, 2009.

  1. shaunanicole

    shaunanicole Guest

    Ava is NOT a fussy baby and only cries when she is hungry or has poo'ed. But for the past two nights she has fought me tooth and nail on going to bed in her crib because she wants to be held. She'll be sleeping hard in my arms but as soon as I lay her down she wakes up screaming and crying.

    I was told by someone that as long as she has had a good 30 minutes with me, has eaten, and has been changed to just let her cry. I haven't had the guts to do that yet because she gets really upset and within 30 seconds of screaming I am right back to picking her up and rocking her.

    So what I need to know is if it is okay to just let her cry if I have spent a good amount of time with her and she has a fresh diaper on and has already eaten? I know newborns can't be spoiled because they need the attention right now so I don't want to do anything that could potentially make her insecure.

    What do you girls recommend? And it isn't her being gassy either. She is on Playtex Drop-In Bottles which have no air in them (the air gets pushed out) and I also give her gas drops every other two bottles she drinks during the day and every bottle she drinks as night.
     
  2. michelle&neo

    michelle&neo Well-Known Member

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    it is just best to let her cry try an stay in same room were she carnt see you. its hard so very hard were you want to cry also, but its best it will only take about 2 nights an you wont hear a peep off her at bed time agen, see i didnt/ couldent do it with my son it realy upset me but when my little girl came no way was i doing that agen id let her cry an omg she as always been an amazing sleeper since were my son now at age 8 will still play me up, good luck hun xx
     
  3. Katieeeee

    Katieeeee Guest

    michelle&neo is right! I had to do the same and now at 7 weeks, Aiden is BRILLIANT at night. It's like he says "oi mum it's my bedtime now, so I'm off to sleep :smug:" and I put him in his crib and he wakes up twice in the night for a feed (which I'm hoping will soon stop!) and he goes straight back to sleep and he's awake at about 8am every morning and he decides that he's ready to get up! Haha he makes me laugh. But during the day he doesn't want to sleep in his crib, he only wants to sleep in his bouncer, weird that!
     
  4. petal040

    petal040 Guest

    :hugs: She's still very young and what she is doing is normal.

    I don't let my LO cry alone - if she is crying I respond to her. Some people do choose to let their babies cry without responding - usually for set periods of time (e.g. 5 mins, then 10 mins, then 15) because this method is quite successful in stopping the baby crying when she is put down to sleep. However, it is not advisable until the baby is at least six months old, if ever (different people have different opinions - some feel quite strongly both for and against this approach).

    Have you tried warming the place she sleeps a little, so it is cozy for her when she goes down and out of your warm cozy arms?

    What about if you try sitting beside her, gently patting and/or rocking her with your hand, and softly singing/shooshing... maybe this will help her to settle without you picking her up? If she got very upset, I would pick her up, sooth her until she was calm again, then put her back down and pat/shoosh her... and see how that went I think.

    Edited to ask - is she breastfed or formula fed?
     
  5. avabear73

    avabear73 Mum to Finlay

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    I would say no - she's only what, 6 weeks old (my maths isn't great, sorry if I'm way off LOL) and maybe she just wants to feel close to you (as I read somewhere else on this forum, she's been inside you for 40 weeks, it takes a long time to adjust to being out in the big bad world). You'll get a bunch of differing opinions on this but I think that when they are that small, they are crying for a reason - even if that reason is just that they want a cuddle, comfort or your company. Especially as you said she's not a crying kind of baby unless there's something wrong, and sometimes identifying that something is wrong really isn't that easy! I worry about starting bad habits when they are older and know what they are doing - at that age I think they are trying to tell you something, it's just not always easy (or possible) to work out what it is ... but you cuddling her will make her feel better regardless :hugs:

    Anyway I'm digressing (as usual) ...

    You could try putting a hot water bottle in her crib/basket for a few minutes before she goes into it (removing the bottle before you put her in LOL), and putting something that smells like you into the basket - I put in a vest top that I'd been wearing all day, it stretched nicely over the mattress and wasn't too thick. Also, try putting her down when she's very drowsy, rather than waiting till she's asleep. I found it easier if I started the good habits through the day for naps, then I knew what worked - I was trying it when I wasn't tired, and at night when all I wanted was a rest, I already knew what would work and what wouldn't.

    I know it's hard but I tell myself that they're not babies for long and one day I'll be longing for these cuddly times .... good luck.
     
  6. spacecadet

    spacecadet 1st time mum

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    Have you heard of the "pick-up, put-down"method? Controlled crying isn't really recommended for babies under 6 months..
    I couldn't bear to leave her to cry, so I picked her up every time shushed her and then laid her back down AWAKE so she realised she was in her own bed so less of a shock to her when she did wake, it can take many many attemps of then crying the second u lay them down but I persisted and now she just goes to sleep
    she realises I'm ALWAYS there when she needs/wants me! But she has learnt to sleep on her own this way and self settles beautifully and sleeps 12 hours a night (yay) :)
    google pick up put down see if this approach is for you, good luck xx
     
  7. aimee-lou

    aimee-lou Totally Outnumbered!!

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    There are lots of varied opinions on this and mine is - a little cry wont harm her, just don't let her panic. This is to say that we all know when a cry is just a whinge, when it's a want and when it's a scared panic and they need Mummy. Earl is a fab sleeper at night but I've had to use the 'crying down' method to get him to nap in the day as otherwise, I am carrying him for 6 hours a day (not easy when he weighs 6kgs!!) as he would cry and grizzle as soon as you put him down. This started when he was about 3 weeks and only the last few days have I resorted to crying down. (he's 6.5 weeks now)

    She is only young so I would try the less intrusive methods first like warming her place of sleep (I sit on a muslin for 5 minutes then put this under him before I put him down)....this can work but Earl would still cry. But...... it may be that she is over-tired and over-stimulated and rocking will only cause her to stay awake more.

    It's entirely up to you as you are Mummy. You do what you think will be best for your LO. :flower:
     
  8. Mum2b_Claire

    Mum2b_Claire Mummy to Ruby & Scarlett!

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    Definitely not IMO. Yes, you may well find leaving her to cry regularly eventually stops her crying so much, as she will learn it is futile, but do you really want to silence her communication when she has a need? Food, wind, nappy change are far from the only needs babies have. It is not recommended to leave a baby less than 6 months old to cry, personally I would never leave any baby to cry though.
     
  9. Seraphim

    Seraphim Amazing Baby Girl

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    I'm sure every baby is different.
    But with Hazel, definitely not.
    Thus far, she hasn't cried without there being a reason.
    At all.

    Hazel had 3 problems being put down in one particular crib, which I noticed because she reacted differently to another...

    I needed to raise the head end of the mattress, use a softer mattress, and make sure she was wrapped up or in a sleeping bag. Putting her down with blankets ontop was too much of a temperature change to being held.

    HTH x
     
  10. mommyof3co

    mommyof3co Mommy of 4 amazing boys!

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    I say def no to just letting her cry right now, she's just too young. I would try and comfort her without picking her up if you can...like rubbing her tummy, talking to her, see if that will make her stop crying..she might just need the reassurance you are there. If that doesn't calm her I'd pick her up and start it all over, the rocking and calming, then putting her down again.
     
  11. JennieyL

    JennieyL Well-Known Member

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    I would just let her cry, but not for to long.. there are different opinions in this though of course.. it all depends on what you feel is right for your child.. How I did it with callie was how ever many weeks old she was, that is how many minutes I let her cry.. sounds weird but it worked.. when she was a week old.. I put her down.. and let her cry if she didnt stop within a minute then I would go in and pick her up.. then put her back down.. she eventually stopped all crying at night time when I put her down, she is almost 22 weeks now but has been good for ages!.. a few nights here and there she would really get into a state crying then of course I would go and get her.. if she sounded panicked.. or whatever, I just think that it has really helped her into settling at night time without needing to be rocked to sleep.
     
  12. Kit

    Kit Well-Known Member

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    I think it depends on the type of crying. I am prepared to let my LO grizzle/whinge himself to sleep for his naps (we don't usually have a problem at bedtime) but if it is proper crying I go to him - otherwise he will just get more and more worked up. I also find that he will often go straight from crying because he doesn't want to nap, to crying for some other reason, like hunger, or because he has pooed. Recently I had enormous problems getting him down for a nap and I kept putting him down and leaving him for a few minutes but he got more and more worked up - when I gave up and brought him back downstairs I discovered that he had done an enormous poo while in his cot which was presumably what was upsetting him so much. If I had left him to cry he would have been lying in a soiled nappy.
     
  13. beancounter

    beancounter Well-Known Member

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    I used to sit and pat him butt till he nodded off. Or suck my finger. It seemed to take ages but he's so good now I think it was worth it. I was alright with a bit of crying if I knew all th needs were taken care of and they weren't alone. But once he was in he crib thats where he stayed.
     
  14. dali

    dali Well-Known Member

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    i agree completely :)

    especially at such a young age , and if it is out of the ordinary she may just be feeling a bit under the weather.... id try to encourage her to go t bed , but if she needs a cuddle let her have one, hopefully she wont get too used to it but if she does you can deal with that when the time comes. she just needs lots of love and reassurance. and if it has only been 2 night i wouldnt worry anyway, my lo goes through short phases of needing extra cuddles for whatever reason, i wouldnt think it a problem unless it goes on for a long period of time.
     
  15. Lu28

    Lu28 Aisling's mammy

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    We have done CC where we'd let her whinge for 5-10 minutes and then go back in and comfort her but I certainly wouldn't do it with a baby that young. They can't understand why they're being left at that age and aren't old enough to put two and two together that if they cry they get cuddles. She's just crying because she doesn't want to be on her own. If you want to get her used to going to sleep without being cuddled then I would suggest the same as some of the others, that you shush, pat, rub her, sing to her etc so she's not sleeping on you, she's getting used to going to sleep in her crib but most importantly she knows that you're there with her and she's not alone :hugs:
     
  16. sublime_ivy

    sublime_ivy Well-Known Member

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    maybe she is coming down with something? dex gets like this and then a few days later he comes down with a cold or something. He has just got over a flu and for the three full days that he was really bad you literally couldnt put him down at all for bed, even for 5 mins when usually he will go in his cot once asleep/half awake no problem. After the illness he was back to normal sleeping in his cot again.
     
  17. sparkle_1979

    sparkle_1979 Mum to Ruby born Oct 2009

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    Hi,

    I had this problem with my LO a few weeks ago, the HV told me to let her cry...That lasted about 2 mins and I just knew inside me it's not the right thing to do, they are sooo little and are crying for their Mum, so IMO we should be there.
    When you are really tired maybe try having her crib next to your bed and just laying next to her stroking her face, making a shhhhh sound. Found that works for me sometimes :) x
     
  18. lyre

    lyre Well-Known Member

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    its impossible to say that they arent crying for a good reason, even if its just because they need you close. i really don't think they should be left to cry under 6 months. babies are hard work and they cry.............its our job to look after their needs, not think about our needs first. not saying you're doing that at all, it just annoys me when people recommend leaving such young babies to cry.
     

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