do you feel your partner does his fair share?

Discussion in 'Baby Club' started by lulasmummy, Jun 4, 2011.

  1. lulasmummy

    lulasmummy mummy to two princesses

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    Obviously breastfeeding cant be shared but I feel so unsupported. I feel I have no one who understands how hard Im finding everything. He sleeps downstairs and I just do the nights alone, then get up and sort my other daughter out in the mornings. It has been like this since I came home from hospital, I have had no rest at all and no help. Its like if i ask him to hold Summer its a chore so most of the time I dont. It just depends on his mood. He was great at first, very loving towards me. Now hes so snappy and quick to jump down my throat. Im not going to argue with him I have too much to concentrate on. I just feel down and alone at times. Im not complaining I know how hard being a mum is and my girls are totally worth it, I just think they have 2 parents for a reason?
     
  2. kerrie24

    kerrie24 me,him and 3 lo's

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    :hugs:

    Have you told him how you feel?
    Its hard when you feel like a single parent isnt it :flower:
     
  3. lulasmummy

    lulasmummy mummy to two princesses

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    actually I came in yesterday and sat and cried I just felt that exhausted and down. I tried talking to him but he dismisses it and he was going on like hes sick of my crying. I have cried a lot since I had summer though.
     
  4. kerrie24

    kerrie24 me,him and 3 lo's

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    She is still very young and you should have been given time to rest and recuperate.Are there no family members that could come over and help?It might embarrass him into helping when he sees you bringing in other people to do it.
     
  5. KayBea

    KayBea Mummy to Xanthia Lily

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    I know exactly how you feel!!!
    Pm me if you need a chat!!!

    My OH does sod all.
    Lo is currently asleep but im doing the washing and sorting out her bottles. OH is sat on the sofa reading the paper :(

    He has never done a night feed and considers holding her a chore, i have to take her in the bathroom with me when i have a bath.
    X

    Xx
     
  6. mumoffive

    mumoffive Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like you have the baby blues and your dh is not helping by being so unsupportive. I would definetly be talking to him about how you are feeling. Its his baby too. My dh is good really. He has quite a long time off on pat leave. I get up in the early hours..like 3am and he gets up at 7am to feed baby. He also has to deal with our two toddlers lol. thats the deal and thats the way we have always worked it. I am bottle feeding though so no get out clause! You could express some for him to take his turn. I think its most unfair on you. You probably havent had a decent sleep since you have had your baby. Lack of sleep is underestimated. It can leave you feeling unable to cope. You must talk to your dh as its just not fair on you. You have had sleepless nights during pregnancy im sure, then to have the labour and then no support. Talk to him.
     
  7. Trying4ababy

    Trying4ababy Well-Known Member

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    Hubby and I work from home. He does all the housework (dishes, laundry, vacuuming...etc) and I take care of Madison
     
  8. sugartush08

    sugartush08 Well-Known Member

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    Oh hunny I'm in the same boat as you! I breast feed as well and its still hard. OH does nothing regards to the babe. Watching him while I do anything is a big chore. Once while he was watching conrad while I was showering OH called me out of it because the baby spit up on him. Seriously?

    OH now sleeps in the spare room because the night feeds are more easier for me in LO sleeps in my bed and now OH is putting up a big stink because he wants to come back into the bed. I don't want him in until LO STTN.

    Pm me if you want to chat
     
  9. mrssuggy2b

    mrssuggy2b Mummy to Harrison

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    Aww hun I know just how you feel :-( DH does very little with Harri or around the house and just has a go when he gets in from work (calls me lazy if the wash ups not done!). I breastfeed and we went through having him sleep in the nursery and me and Harri in our room. It's got better since Harri went into his own room at 5 months but I still wish he'd help out more.

    Its turned into a vicious cycle with us - he does little with Harri so Harri doesn't settle for him, the more he won't settle for him, the less he wants to hold him etc! xx
     
  10. iceylou

    iceylou Guest

    absolutely no. hes off today and has done feck all. fair enough he has put her down for a nap but thats it any day hes off. she was having a nap when i went to the hairdressers, when i came back they were just up and he was waiting for me to come back to give her her dinner!!!

    im not going to say anymore because i will only stress myself out and smack him :haha: or :gun:
     
  11. AP

    AP Well-Known Member
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    DH was great with DD1 and I wasnt breastfeeding. Now I'm breastfeeding DD2 I seriously feel like I get no help with her. He spends his time playing with DD1 which is great but I feel like I'm losing my time with her
     
  12. amy19604

    amy19604 Well-Known Member

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    My dh isnt too bad most of the time, he was brilliant at first, let me stay in bed with the baby for the first few weeks while he took care of the other 2 and housework cooking etc. the place was a tip lol but at least he was trying. since then theres been times when hes been a total shit, not doing anything to help and weve had some big fallings out but then hes realised what hes being like and is good most of the time.
    it just makes so much difference having someone who will at least take the baby while you do the housework rather than trying to do it all alone.
    try talking to him again, he needs to see what hes doing to you x
     
  13. Lianne1986

    Lianne1986 Well-Known Member

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    im sorry to all u ladies whose OH's dont help :hugs:

    when i had Jaiden chris had almost a month off work, so he did loads! when he went back to work he still did loads! he still even got up in the night, even if i was feedin him chris would still stay awake and talk to me.

    jaiden is 3 months now and he still does loads, he doesnt moan or grumble and will watch him whilst i have a bath or if i wanna have 5 mins to myself, he cooks, does the dishwasher etc the only thing he wont do is ironing lol

    and he up at 4am every morning and today is his only day off and he has cleanedthe kitchen done us lunch and is now sat on the xbox lol
     
  14. lulasmummy

    lulasmummy mummy to two princesses

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    thanx for all the kind messages. :flower:
    Well I can see im defo not alone in this! I just thought after i had her i would have had the chance to rest but nope! from day 1 ive had no help and im absolutely shattered. Everytime im up and ready to go out I just wanna go back home because I cant even function properly when im around people, im too tired to drive and feel so ratty with everyone which isnt nice so id rather stay in with bubs.
    I dont wana talk to him tbh because he knows that sleeping in another room is out of order...its just common sense. and not letting me have 5 mins alone is just ridiculous. But he says I chose to breastfeed which is true but i dont want to put her on the bottle just for more sleep its selfish, but i know she would definatly sleep much better as shes not really a bad baby now, she goes 3 hrs before feeds.
    just sitting here hardly keeping my eyes open so gonna get a nap while summer is sleeping .... sod the pots and hoovering lol
    :winkwink:
     
  15. charlotte-xo

    charlotte-xo Alfie and Darcey's mummy

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    aw hun :hugs: ash never did anything (even though i ff and could help out) in the beginning until i snapped one day and gave him a good talking to slash kick up the arse lol.Its not fair on you that you have to do everything, yes you chose to bf but so what whats that got to do with anything he can still help by doing the pots, running you a nice bath, playing with LO whilst you have a nap. Dont let him get away with it, it will eat you up hun honestly get it all out in the open and make him see what a pillock hes being. Shes half his and he should help out were he can.
    Men :dohh:

    <3
     
  16. lulasmummy

    lulasmummy mummy to two princesses

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    well so much for my nap lol
    yeh im gonna tell him in a sec wish me luck :winkwink:
     
  17. lucy_x

    lucy_x Mummy To Two Stunners

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    My OH is crap :nope:
     
  18. T-Bex

    T-Bex Mother of one

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    Nope. Most definitely not.
     
  19. KayBea

    KayBea Mummy to Xanthia Lily

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    Did you talk? How did it go?
    Xx
     
  20. moondrops

    moondrops Call me Sally!

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    Please update us as to how it went with OH x
     

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