do you think this as a hurtful comment?

[beatnick]

yesterday was a bad day- the previous night was restless and lo was wiggling and grunting all night. i got a few hours but very light.

my husband enjoyed a lay in and i was up at 6am. i slept in the nursery whilst lo had a kip which left me behind with all my chores.

he was fussy ALL day and literally woke from his nap at 8.30am and stayed awake til 5pm- crying and fidgeting.

i was a mess- still in my nighty, mascara streaked and at the end of my tether. my dh rose from bed about 12pm (!) and managed to calm him into a bit of a sleep whilst i had a bath.

my dh went on to say "nursery sounds not so bad now to me. i mean if this is what he is going to be like and you are miserable he will be happier with other children and people whos job it is to look after children. otherwise he will be really unhappy."

i felt stabbed in the heart. im sure he was not trying to be nasty- but i felt like he was saying "zakk is better off in a nursery than with you you miserable cow".

ive been upset ever since and feel like ive been making a right hash of this mothering business. Like i am self indulgent and a bad parent with a miserable child.

what do you think girls?

 

[Sazzoire]

I can totally see why you have taken that comment in a bad way.... I would of too, especially after being rung ragged all day, we can all be super sensitive. Maybe he didn't mean it quite as harshly as it sounded, men can be idiots at times. I'm sure you are a brilliant mummy! xx

 

[divadexie]

I think in your overtired emotional state it hurt more than he meant it too xx

 

[crackle]

If your ticker is right and your baby is only 27 days old your oh should be doing much more to help you! We got a carrier and I sent lo and oh ( or anyone who would take him!) out for walks whilst I had shower/ate/tried to feel human again! I'm sure you're doing your best so take no notice!

 

[nada87]

thats probably one of the dumbest things he could have said but i dont think he was trying to be mean. men love to help by suggesting solutions to problems even when it doesnt help. my dh does it all the time, i have to tell him that he's not helping by suggesting things and then he gets all upset because he didn't get to solve the problem.
your oh probably thought he was helping and didnt realise it made you feel bad.

 

[Elski]

I think it's really easy in the early days of getting used to a new baby/sleepless nights/new emotions/hormones etc to niggle at each other, to make little comments without thinking about their impact, to take things the wrong way and take them to heart more than usual

Once you're a little less upset/angry, I'd tell him that his comment really hurt you and explain why. Give him the chance to apologise and tell you that he didn't mean it the way you took it as - like you've said - he probably wasn't trying to be nasty...

 

[beatnick]

no i dont think he was- i think probably his being in bed most of the day is starting to really annoy me when i am bedraggled downstairs trying to put zakk down for 5 minutes whilst i have a wee!

he is back to work on monday which i think might help in a funny way. i will have to cope by myself and i wont be resenting him for sleeping in all morning.

i just thought that the first few weeks are really hard and i felt it was ok to feel terrible from time to time. now i just feel like ive been making a meal out of it all and need to buck my ideas up.

i think things might be better when he is at work and i can settle into coping by myself. im going to some meetings and mums clubs next week which i am really looking forward to

 

[Buffy71]

I think men should have to check everything they plan to say with someone before being allowed to speak. What a very silly thing to say! His turn to get run ragged tomorrow and yours to sleep till midday. Let's see if he's so judgemental then. Twit.



sounds to me like you're doing a great job. It's so tough when they have days like that. It gets easier sweety. Xxx

 

[Feltzy]

I agree with others when they say he probably was'nt trying to be hurtful but if my OH would have said that to me in the early weeks it would have really upset me. I would be having words and tell him you need support not made to feel incapable. He should also be helping out a lot more, if he did then you would all be a lot happier, problem solved!

 

[annawrigley]

I think men should have to check everything they plan to say with someone before being allowed to speak. What a very silly thing to say! His turn to get run ragged tomorrow and yours to sleep till midday. Let's see if he's so judgemental then. Twit.



sounds to me like you're doing a great job. It's so tough when they have days like that. It gets easier sweety. Xxx

agree with all of this!

it is soo hard at the start and you need all the help you can get hun. i would be very hurt by that comment too. im sure you're doing a great job and it honestly does get easier! xxxxx

 

[Claire788]

Your LO is 27 DAYS old!!! Goodness chick! I was still in PJ's and hadnt even thought of mascara till about 8 weeks LOLOL!!!

I'm only just getting on top of chores and LO is 7 months - ignore him hun, your doing a great job, and your LO def wouldnt be better off in nursery if you dont want him there!

Self indulgent - cos you slept when LO slept?? Uh hu... no way! how you supposed to survive on a few hours sleep??!! I think ever book I've ever read says sleep when they sleep!

men - maybe he'd like to swap with you for a few days eh!! I would have been hurt by that too - I think i stern talking to is in order! xx

 

[bigbloomerz]

I think it's really easy in the early days of getting used to a new baby/sleepless nights/new emotions/hormones etc to niggle at each other, to make little comments without thinking about their impact, to take things the wrong way and take them to heart more than usual

Once you're a little less upset/angry, I'd tell him that his comment really hurt you and explain why. Give him the chance to apologise and tell you that he didn't mean it the way you took it as - like you've said - he probably wasn't trying to be nasty...

Exactly what I was going to say!!

Hormones are Raging after giving birth, and trust me even 6 months on they arent that much better lol.

 

[Pessimistic]

yesterday was a bad day- the previous night was restless and lo was wiggling and grunting all night. i got a few hours but very light.

my husband enjoyed a lay in and i was up at 6am. i slept in the nursery whilst lo had a kip which left me behind with all my chores.

he was fussy ALL day and literally woke from his nap at 8.30am and stayed awake til 5pm- crying and fidgeting.

i was a mess- still in my nighty, mascara streaked and at the end of my tether. my dh rose from bed about 12pm (!) and managed to calm him into a bit of a sleep whilst i had a bath.

my dh went on to say "nursery sounds not so bad now to me. i mean if this is what he is going to be like and you are miserable he will be happier with other children and people whos job it is to look after children. otherwise he will be really unhappy."

i felt stabbed in the heart. im sure he was not trying to be nasty- but i felt like he was saying "zakk is better off in a nursery than with you you miserable cow".

ive been upset ever since and feel like ive been making a right hash of this mothering business. Like i am self indulgent and a bad parent with a miserable child.

what do you think girls?

So it's not your job then as a mother?

Probably not meant in a hurtful way but maybe if he got out of bed before 12pm(!!) he could help and you wouldn't be miserable and still in your bloody nightie. Geez! Men sometimes honestly..

 

[Janidog]

Wow if my hubby wanted to sleep in till 12 most days then I would have kicked him out!!!!

I have an amazing hubby (ok he does annoy me sometimes) but he sleeps one night a week downstairs with LO so i can get a full night sleep, other nights I will go to bed at 10pm and he will stay up and do the last feed at 12am, if LO wakes up during the night then we do the night feed together, but because OH goes to bed late then I get up around 6 and let him sleep in till 8am - mind you we are both working full-time