Do you think this will work? :( Please help.

[Jennifurball]

As most of you will know, we have to go to the vets with my dog on Friday night for the worst possible reason and I am not coping at all.

I have 2.5 days leave left at work until I got on mat leave so I was thinking of booking this Weds PM, Thurs and Fri to spend with him.

However, how on earth do I cope on Monday onwards after the event? I am desperate to be signed off work for a couple of weeks to be able to grieve and sort myself out, I do not cope well at work when bad things happen at home, last time when I lost my house, car, partner etc, I was going through hell but put a brave face on at work, my work started to suffer and I had a disciplinary. I don't want that again, to me, losing Victor is a million times worse than all that I went through. I keep crying, I am scared I will let myself go and stop eating, not sleeping etc, this is how I deal with it, whereas my mum copes better at work and is going back as normal.

Will the doctor help me with this? I don't want to look bad going off sick straight after annual leave but what else can I do? I will be a mess. It will start off the minute I go to leave the house, his bed is next to the door and we always have a cuddle before I leave for work, I am crying even writing this. How am I going to cope?

Will the doctor put it as pregnancy related if I say I think it is pre-natal depression? I am not lying when I say that, I thought I was and seemed to relate to the symptoms I read about online, but this impending bereavement on top of this will send me over the edge.

If I request to be signed off saying I am not fit for work and worried it will affect my pregnancy, do they have to sign me off or is there a chance they could decline? Please help me swing this one because if my manager knew my beautiful dog was the main reason I need to be off, she won't be best pleased with me and she is already a cow with me since the previous disciplinary.

I really don't have the nicest of bosses so if it isn't pregnancy related, she won't make it easy for me going back and that is something I don't want to worry about on top of everything else. Do I even mention my dog to the doctor? I know I will start crying, I always do when I open up to people, which is why I would rather be signed off than have to go through this with my boss.

Please help me.

 

[susan_1981]

I'm so sorry to hear about your dog! I completely understand how you must be feeling, and I don't think it helps being pregnant when things like ths happen because your emotions (or mine at least) seem to be much more heightened! When I was pregnant last time (although sadly I miscarried), my mum had to have her cat put down. By that time, I hadn't lived at home for a year or so but we had had her since I was 8 and I was then about 26. The thought of her going was just so awful and it was such a sad time. I cried sooooo much! Luckily for me, one of my best friends was technically my boss so she let me have the afternoon off.

I'm not entirely sure what I would say to the doctor. I think I'd be inclined not to tell him about your dog as this obviously wouldn't be pregnancy related. I think if you feel like you have pre-natal depression, you should focus on that when seeing your doctor. You should probably see him anyway if you do feel like you may be affected by that as you will probably need some medical help.

I really do feel for you and I'm so sorry you are having to go through all this at what should be a really happy time! The one thing that we did when my mum's cat died - and this may seem harsh but I know it's not because I know how much we all loved and adored that cat - is we actually got a new cat the next day. My mum lives on her own and the house just seemed so empty without the cat and in no way did the new cat replace the one we had lost but it helped us focus on something else. And it did work. But obviously everyone is different and maybe this is something you could consider but then maybe not. As I say, everyone is different. Sending you lots of

 

[Jodiebump2012]

I'm so sorry to hear about your dog On the 19th of this month it had been a year since we had to have my dog put down i'm 17 now and had had her since I was 2 ! I couldn't remember a time when she wasn't there.

It was absolutely heartbreaking and I remember having 3 days off college. The only thing that really got me through it was knowing that she wasn't in pain anymore because she was having fits, couldn't walk properly and was going deaf.

if you feel that you need more time off then I definately think you should talk to your doctor. Good luck with everything and I hope you feel better soon

 

[Jennifurball]

Thank you.

Getting another dog isn't an option, I have promised myself I will never get another pet, not even a fish! I hate losing pets so much, I want to be happy to know that I never have to feel this way again.

 

[Loz0912]

Aw Hun! I just want to give you a big hug!

I think you need to go and your gp, and tell him/her that things are getting on top of you and you don't feel like your coping very well, you dont need to out the focus onto your lovely dog, just be general about it. He/she will ask if anything significant has happened and tell them about victor. But also bring up the fact your not sleeping well etc!

I had pre and post natal depression with DD following a huge car accident I had when I was 22 weeks and my GP was brilliant after I finally stopped trying to convince myself all was fine! X

 

[Jennifurball]

Thank you.

I know once I think of Victor, I will just break down, the GP would have to have a heart of stone to not think there is anything wrong if they saw me in the state I have been in.

I was generally feeling bad anyway, just not interested in doing things, wanting to sleep but can't, not eating healthily, then I had to face an 8 hour day in an office which is stressful and full of highly strung people, I don't need it, I really don't. Why couldn't this be happening whilst I am already on mat leave? That would help so much.

 

[Jennifurball]

I just thought, I am seeing the midwife this Wednesday anyway for my 25 week appointment, are they able to sign us off work or does it have to be the GP?

 

[baby_mama87]

Aw Hun I think you definitely need to go and see your GP, I agree with what loz said let him know how much things are getting on top of you and that you really need some space from work, you and your babies health are what's important and you don't need the stress of worrying about work after this. Big

 

[Sunshine12]

I think it has to be the GP that signs you off.

Sorry to hear what you going through. If the doc thinks that it will affect the baby Im sure he will sign you off. Baby has to come first. x

My concern would be work TBH. How do you think they will be about it? Im not heartless or anything but if one of my staff got signed off for two weeks because they had to get their dog put down I wouldnt be happy. (I am truly sorry and know how tough it is but just being honest.) x

 

[babymama86]

Honestly hun i would go to the doctor and explain that your work suffers when you are going through a tough situation at home, then i would tell him about your beautiful boy and that your are not coping already and you need to have a decent ammount of time off to greive and cope with what is going on as you dont want it to affect your health.
I really dont think that your dr will refuse to give you the time off as its in yours and LOs best interest.
You shouldnt have to worry about work when you are going through this, im so sorry about your beautiful puppy! Xx

 

[Jennifurball]

This is what I was worried about, I know it sounds bad needing time off for this but it isn't just this, work is getting on top of me anyway, people are backstabbing and two faced, our clients irritate me so much on the phone, I have no patience for anyone because I am so tired and feel like everything is just getting on top of me. I find myself with no motivation and my work is suffering now, I can see that myself, so now I am paranoid another meeting will come up, now I have the devastation of my dog on top of everything, I know I will be no good at work. I just burst into tears all of the time, even at home, I feel like I need to be in a room on my own and not have to see or speak to anyone.

 

[babymama86]

I wouldnt tell your work about you needing time off to help cope with your puppys situation, id leave that part out! Your dr shouldnt write anything specific on the sign off sheet as your work doesnt need to know exactly why but i would say that you havent been feeling well for a few weeks and your worried your work is going to suffer so you have spoken to your dr and you both agreed that taking some time off to recharge is best so you can preform 100 per cent when you come back.

 

[Jennifurball]

No one at works knows, I even blocked them from my status on fb about it all because I thought if they bring it up at work, I will burst into tears.

I am even considering bringing up my pelvic girdle pain as a reason rather than stress/depression, I was suffering bad last week and they have ordered me a support for my chair. I only ever don't hurt when I am at home, I get up to walk around a bit at work but it just feels like my pelvis is clicking and I have to sit down again. My boss has already been made aware and said I will prob need to be referred for physio, so at least she knows there is a problem brewing. I am not lying as such, just not bringing it up about my dog. It is none of their business anyway. A couple of weeks bed rest will help me in more ways than one.

I don't want work knowing about all this that is going on, and I know the stress thing will be frowned upon because I can cover it well on the outside, they will think I was ok last week, but I shouldn't have to hide it, that is the problem, I need to deal with it.

 

[babymama86]

I would use the pelvic/girdle as the reason, it will truly give you a chance to rest and you wont have any stress about what work will do as they can not do anything to you ie give you warnings etc if its to do with your existing condition. It will all work out hun, just think of yourself and your LO and be confident that you know yourself and your doing the right thing! XX

 

[Sunshine12]

This is what I was worried about, I know it sounds bad needing time off for this but it isn't just this, work is getting on top of me anyway, people are backstabbing and two faced, our clients irritate me so much on the phone, I have no patience for anyone because I am so tired and feel like everything is just getting on top of me. I find myself with no motivation and my work is suffering now, I can see that myself, so now I am paranoid another meeting will come up, now I have the devastation of my dog on top of everything, I know I will be no good at work. I just burst into tears all of the time, even at home, I feel like I need to be in a room on my own and not have to see or speak to anyone.

The dog is just the tip of the iceberg then and obviously not the cause of how you feeling so if I were you I would tell your doctor exactly how you have explained it here and Im sure they will sign you off. It does sound like you need a break hun. xxx

 

[Jennifurball]

Thanks everyone.

I have been thinking more and more and just need to be 100% honest with the GP, work is stressful without taking my circumstances and pregnancy into it. It isn't the workload, it is nothing they can change really, it is the nature of the work and my manager isn't always nice with me. I just feel overwhelmed. I am not sleeping, I eat rubbish mostly and I know that isn't good for the baby, I am tearful anyway, my OH didn't know what to do with me, it caused problems between us to because he just doesn't know what to do to help.

Is there a chance the GP could turn me away for a sick note? I don't know what I will do if I can't have any time off, I am so worried for Scarlett, it gives me bad stomach cramps when I start with one of my crying episodes, but I seem to cope better at home knowing I CAN cry whenever I want. I can't do that at work when I am running a busy switchboard and dealing with I don't know how many people a day.

I hate this, what have I done to deserve all this heartache?

 

[Sunshine12]

Its highly unlikely they will refuse to give you a sick note. I would be shocked if they did TBH. Doctors have to tread a very fine line these days and it would not be worth their while to decline you when you are pregnant. x

 

[Jennifurball]

Thanks. You are right, if he declined me and anything happened, it could cause a lot of problems. I don't want to play my back pain up too much because they could still say I am capable of working if I have a sit down job, but it is the lack of sleep that is affecting me the most, due to being uncomfortable in bed and also a million and one thoughts going through my head, I can't concentrate at work at all, this has been going on since before Christmas now, and it is only going to get worse.

 

[Sunshine12]

Thanks. You are right, if he declined me and anything happened, it could cause a lot of problems. I don't want to play my back pain up too much because they could still say I am capable of working if I have a sit down job, but it is the lack of sleep that is affecting me the most, due to being uncomfortable in bed and also a million and one thoughts going through my head, I can't concentrate at work at all, this has been going on since before Christmas now, and it is only going to get worse.

The rest will do you the world of good. I was just saying to my sister the other day that I dont know how women cope with being pregnant and working. I would cry every morning if I had to get up early and go to work despite having a restless sleep. x

 

[Jennifurball]

Thank again. Does the GP *have* to put stress/depression on the form even if I am off for that reason? Can they not state it is down to pelvic pain or something or is that illegal to lie?

I don't want people judging me, it will just make things harder when I go back. I know other people aren't allowed to know but the other secretary I work with deals with the sick forms and attendance etc so she will know and could possibly mention it to someone else..