Doctors Appointment Tomorrow

[Angels_Mummy]

Hi All,

I have my Doctors Appointment tomorrow and feeling a little emotional. Some of you may be aware that i lost my baby at 23 weeks in April this year which was totally unexpected and left me and my family devasted beyond belief. I have 3 healthy children with no problems during pregnancy at all.

Discovering i was pregnant again left me with mixed emotions, mainly feeling a fear of loosing this one too. It took me a while to tell my husband and like me he is scared too. WE have been unable to face telling anyone else about the pregnancy in case something goes wrong.

According to my dates i am currently 9+ weeks and i guess the reason for my message here is that i am accepting the fact that it will become real tomorrow when i visit the doctor to arrange for my care. I have decided that i dont want to go back to the same hospital where i lost my angel purely on an emotional level.

I feel its such a shame that i am not sharing this pregnancy with the people around me, we havent even told our other children yet. I should be shouting it from the roof tops like any expectant mother would do but i am taking each day as a day successfully completed and not focusing on the end result. I cannot even look to the end result incase my hopes and dreams are dashed again.

Hopefully my feelings will change in the next few weeks, perhaps when i have a scan. I so want to be able to enjoy and embrace my baby. Ofcourse i adore him/her already but i feel like im holding back in fear of being hurt again.

 

[Tam]

Awwww babe, I am so sorry for your loss

It is totally understandable how you are feeling and why you would be scared........don't feel bad not sharing it with your family at the mo, I am sure they will all understand, but you have to feel ready before you tell anyone else hun.

My Mum lost her baby at birth and was betrified when she fell pregnant again, but on a good note, she had me and all was well, and continued to have another baby with no complications too. So there is a little something positive for you to think about

I hope tomorrow goes OK for you babe and I really wish you the best with this pregnancy, no two pregnanies are the same, as you already know.

Just give yourself plenty of time to get used to the idea before you worry about telling other people babe, I know it must be hard keeping it to yourself, but if you don't feel ready for it, do not put yourself under any more pressure, you have enough on your plate as it is!

Please let us know how you get on.......xx






https://i110.photobucket.com/albums/n86/no1tam/h1.gif

 

[ImTheDaddy]

Hi,

When the OH (U KNOW WHO SHE IS!) and I got our BFP I didn't want to tell our DD, or the family until we had our 12wk scan.

The reason for this was that at Xmas OH lost her mum to the Big C and our DD took it badly. We didn't ant to give her the news and then find out we had lost or anuthing.

In the end we did tell her earlier than expected but only because we think she overheard a telephone call and that OH was feeling so ill.

https://i90.photobucket.com/albums/k245/t0yboy/StuffYouDontSeeEveryday/remoteImage-1.jpg for tomorrow!!!

 

[Angels_Mummy]

Well Folks, have been to the doctors. Not the best of appointments, i spent the whole time crying.............. although i am relieved he didnt send for the "men in white coats" to cart me off.

My doctor confirmed my EDD, i was a little out, and has given me 9th April (incidently the day before i discovered id lost my little one last year) which he picked up on also. He has arranged for my care at another hospital but i still have the same midwife team from his surgery for non hospital appointments. I did explain to him that they left me feeling like i had the placque and couldnt get out of my house quick enough as soon as they saw the "SANDS" sticker on my notes for my postnatal care earlier this year but oh well, maybe they have had a personality bypass since then!!! oh hum!!!!!!

I also explained how i had been coping with the pregnancy so far and how scared i was that it would happen again and he said rather unsympatetically that i already have 3 healthy children and think myself lucky, that it was unlikely to happen again but should it maybe i should consider being sterilised, at least that way im not putting myself in the situation again...... pfft....... and that some people go through this without ever having any children. I kinda lost my rag at that point said i couldnt believe he just said that, i told him just because i had other children, it didnt mean that the one i lost wasnt important, that i was still grieving and that just maybe i was experiencing it more because i knew wot it was actually like to be a mum. He then apologised and said that wot he meant by that was that i shouldnt worry, to try and enjoy the pregnancy, like i did with all the others, that if it was gonna happen it was gonna happen and try not to look at the negatives. WHY DIDNT HE JUST SAY THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE THEN!!!! jeez

Anyway i called my hubby and he said that perhaps we should embrace it, he realises how scared i am but like the doc said if its gonna happen its gonna happen and the likelihood is is that its not. So i've decided im gonna be positive. Im even contemplating telling the kids and my parents soon, maybe i'll wait for my 12 week scan and go from there.

OK rant over, thanks for listening.

Im starting to think you lot are gonna see me as the "Doom n Gloomy One" but i can assure you i do smile a lot!!!! rofl.

Bye for now. xxxx

 

[Tam]

LOL @ you, hunny I dread going to the Doctors everytime I go I come out with another problem, so lets be doom and gloom together

You are not doom & gloom at all by the way.....thought we best clear that up first :wink:

Your Docotor sounds like an arse!!!! Just as well he re-worded things, but just ashame you had to get upset with him in order for him to use his brain

Glad you are getting to go to another hospital hun! Don't worry about the surgeons tho, you only have to see them for a little while...Thank God, but yea I agree they don't seem to be the best staff with the best bed side manner!!

I am really pleased you are feeling that you can think positive about it babe, as harsh as it is, the Doctor is right, if it is to be, it will be....................I also got told that a few weeks back when I had a threatened miscarriage, and I am still smiling :wink:

Good idea to wait for the 12 week scan, but once you have had that babe, shout your good news from the rooftops, I bet you find you will have a lot of support as a result babe!

I really wish you all the best hun and I wish you a very healthy & happy pregnancy xx

 

[Angels_Mummy]

Thanks Tam, you truely are a diamond Its good to be able to share my "moments" on here without being judged. Hope all is going well with you and take care. Jen xxx

 

[Tam]

Thats what we are all here for babe, to support eachother xx

 

[Angels_Mummy]

An update on my journey..................

Received my letter for my 12 week booking in appointment on Thursday. Suddenly realised that they had booked me into the hospital where i had lost my little one back in April - had specifically requested that i didnt want to go back to the same hospital because of my emotional state..... not too much to ask i thought. Got myself into a right panic. Rang the doctors....... damn can never get thru. Decided to ring the hospital instead. Antenatal said that unfortunately the hospital i had requested were fully booked and this sometimes happens. There was nothing i could do about it - i would have to have my baby there. Couldnt believe wot i was hearing - was crying down the phone, begging her, explaining my situation - telling her how scared i was anyway and that i really didnt want to come back to the "scene of the crime" so to speak. Totally unhelpful. In desperation i asked if i could speak to the maternity councellor to see if she could help as i was getting nowhere. As usual she was not available. (I must have rung her about 20 times since my loss and have only ever been able to get hold of her twice..... great counselling service eh!!!!).

Put the phone down feeling soooooooooooooo dejected. Tried my doctors again and got thru....... woohooooooooo. Receptionist said she remembered faxing my details over and remembered the point about not wanting the original hospital. Why o Why doesnt anyone ever read things properly. Receptionist said Doctor was busy at the moment but gave me the other hospitals number so that i could ring them personally. She said if i didnt have any joy she would get my doctor to write to them.

I needed to sort this out straight away. I was getting so anxious - did i really need all this. Eventually got thru to the Antenatal clinic - receptionist said it was correct that my file had been transferred to the "original" hospital because of overbookings. I again went thru my concerns. She said it had said i didnt want the other hospital but my doctor hadnt given a reason and seeing as the other one was the nearest they had transferred me. SHe said she would speak to her manager (who was in a meeting and get her to call me).

2 anxious hours later she called - I could have kissed her - she said no problem i have booked you in to our hospital and could i come in tomorrow so they could take my history. Yah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Went into Antenatal on Friday........... absoluately terrified. Was seen straight away - Midwife was absolutely fantastic - so caring and understanding. I waffled on (as per) and she listened, easing my concerns. It finally sunk in...... Im having a baby!!!!!!!!!! Im crying as i write this..... its the first time ive said it. I cant go through this pregnancy with all the wot ifs....... i have to enjoy it. My baby is growing inside me and wants me to be a healthy and happy mummy and im gonna give it my all to make sure thats exactly wot i am.

Just waiting for my booking in date now - should be in a week or so. Wish me luck. Bye for now xxxxx

 

[Tam]

Awwwwwwwwwww Babe, you poor thing!!!

I can't belileve your Doctor didn't give a reason, if s/he had of done, all of this undue anxiety could have been avoided!!! Why are people so dumb?!

I am so pleased to hear you have got the hospital you requested (in the end) and that the staff are lovely..............that is birlliant babe!

I look forward to seeing how you get on in your next appointment, and I really wish you all the best, you deserve this so much, and YES, You are having a BABY!!!! ENJOY :wink: xx

 

[CuteKitty]

Awwwww hun, i understand how scared and worried you must be, i lost a little boy at 22 weeks the very begining of 2004 ... in finally fell pregnant the end of the year and worried throughout... i had a very hard pregnancy with different problems, eventually after what seemed a lifetime gave birth to our little girl on the 25th Aug 2005....

Ive just started beareavment councelling for our loss as i never grieved properly afterwards and 'stuck' at the begining of the grieving process even after 2 and half years! If you ever want to chat hun, feel free to pm me.... Good Luck with your pregnancy hun and try to enjoy it, it helps get you through each day, just take each week as it comes! x

 

[Tam]

Suz

 

[Angels_Mummy]

Thinking of renaming this topic to The Life N Times of Moi - My Early Days lol.

Another Update: TOLD MY MUM TODAY!!!!!!!

Was the hardest thing i had to do (well it was pretty easy really) but the build up was!!!!

She said she kinda knew anyway - called it Mothers Intuition. My dad had been asking how i had been emotionally lately (about my loss) and mum had said that she had seen a change in me over the last few weeks and she had said that i had the sparkle back in my eyes again.

She is over the moon, scared like me, but has told me to be selfish and take care of myself.

Im so glad ive shared this with her now. She has said she wont mention it to dad yet because hes a proper worry pants, just dont no how much longer im gonna be able to hide my lickle bump.