does a baby need both mum and dad?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by Roxie, Oct 8, 2008.

  1. Roxie

    Roxie Expecting #3

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    how important do you think it is that a child has a male influence in their life?

    do you think that people can genuinely change?


    do you think that there are any circumstances, that would make it okay for a couple to get back together?
     
  2. Hevz

    Hevz 4 beautiful children

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    Hmph....you posted this at the wrong time for me babe.

    I'm probably not in the right frame of mind to answer as having a massive ding dong with a$$ hole hubby right now. Maybe I'll comment tomorrow when I calm down:hissy::hissy::hissy::hissy::hissy::hissy::hissy::hissy::hissy::hissy:
     
  3. Pyrrhic

    Pyrrhic Well-Known Member

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    I'm not sure if you're referring to your own individual circumstances, so I will answer these in a general way.

    I think it's important that a child had a male role model in their life, but I do not believe that this has to be a father figure. It can be a cousin, uncle, grand father or family friend.


    Yes, but they have to first admit they have a problem and then they have to want to change. Unfortunately a lot of people say they will change, but never will because they have either never accepted that they were wrong in the first place, or that they should or need to change.

    Yes, plenty. I don't believe people should stay together for 'the kids' though. But then I lived through my parents divorce as a child.
     
  4. brownhairedmom

    brownhairedmom Well-Known Member

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    No absolutely I do not think they need both. They need both as role models but as for needing a father...my child will grow up a hell of a lot happier and healthier with just a mom than if she had to deal with with her emotionally unhealthy sperm donor on a daily basis.
     
  5. Roxie

    Roxie Expecting #3

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    the babys dad wants to get back together but he says he wants to take it slow

    but i feel like i am being used,
    he doesnt want to move back in with me,
    he doesnt kiss me goodbye, instead he taps my head or chin,
    i dont fell like he is treating me like a girlfreind,
    and im very sure that he is still chatting to other women online,


    i really dont know if me and him getting back together is a good idea,
    i am having a baby i dont need the hassle and neither does my baby.


    i really dont think i want to be with him how he is, but i love him, so its hard
     
  6. plumpnpretty86

    plumpnpretty86 Mother of 1&in 3rd trim.

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    I think what you are thinking is exactly right, that doesn't sound like how you would treat your gf taking it slow or not.......Your baby needs all your attention and love, so I would say focus on your baby and if the father decides he wants to be a part or your life/your babies life you need to make him understand what is expected. Any guy can be a dad but it takes a real man to be a father. Just remember that ;)
     
  7. Pyrrhic

    Pyrrhic Well-Known Member

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    Focus on your baby right now, and tell him you need time. If he's genuinely interested, he will wait for you as long as it takes for you to be ready.
     
  8. ryder

    ryder Mum to Jasmine & Peyton

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    I do think that a child deserves a father. I grew up without one as mine died and it caused alot of emotional distress and sadness. I really feel that i've missed out on alot not having a father.

    Now I think that the baby can get this from a good healthy relationship bettween their mom and dad. Whether the mom and dad are together as a couple, or split up but mature enough to get over the differences and act like grown ups.

    I think a child could also get this kind of support from step parents too...

    Main thing, dont stay in an unhealthy relationship. Part ways if you have to, but try and work out a mature agreement of how to act towards each other to make sure your children remain happy. Nothing is worse then a child having to hear fighting and bad stuff that you hear from some ex's.
     
  9. brownhairedmom

    brownhairedmom Well-Known Member

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    I'm just counting on my dad to be a "dad" figure for her. We're living here anyway. Eventually I'll meet someone (hopefully) to play that role for her, but right now its just best for her to have no dad than to have Adam around.

    I agree with Ryder, don't stay in an unhealthy relationship.
     
  10. Novbaby08

    Novbaby08 Mom to Harley & Piper

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    sounds like we're in the same place. Boys suck
     
  11. Roxie

    Roxie Expecting #3

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    thanks everyone

    i wasnt sure if it was just be being awkward, but no your all right

    xx
     
  12. Ria_Rose

    Ria_Rose Mum to JJ & expecting #2

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    HE wants to take it slow? How about you? You've got a lot going on right now - a new life to prepare for and that LO needs a happy and emotionally stable Mummy. He is no longer the most important person in your life your LO is, if he wants to make it work - he needs to be bending over backwards to fit himself into your and your LO's routines and not the other way around.
    So if you decide to let him back into your life it needs to be on your terms not his.

    Besides how do you know he's there for you, to support and love you, and not just because he thinks it is what is expected of him as the father? If he came back would you always be wondering if he stayed for you or the baby?

    It's always difficult when feelings are involved, particularly when we can still see the person we feel in love with in there somewhere. Whatever you decide make sure it's you calling the shots. Don't be a doormat, you are about to be the mother - take strength from that. You managed without him when you spilt up you can manage again.

    And don't forget (hard as it might seem) he can be there and be a Dad without actually being with you.

    If you do decide that now is not the time to be getting back together again, leave the door open, and you never know later on when things have setttled down there might be a way forward for you both.

    Good luck with whatever you decide, you seem to already know.
    x

    ps- if you do decide to not get emotionally involved right now, may I also suggest changing your AV (assuming it's him) so you aren't constantly reminded of him?
     
  13. Roxie

    Roxie Expecting #3

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    thanks
     
  14. Christine33

    Christine33 Well-Known Member

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    my personal view is that a child needs to be surrounded by many role models.....

    i love my husbands culture where everyone mucks in and takes care of each other (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents etc). the homes are never empty and it is always buzzing. everyone sitting down for dinner together, families live together, relatives help when a woman has just had a baby - that kind of thing. personally i think that is the best enviornment for a child to be - but only if the role models are positive.

    dunno if i have answered your question....

    Christine
    X
     
  15. xJG30

    xJG30 Tom & Mummy <3

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    I'm doing this alone because Tom's dad is a complete dick.. Tom still has male influence from the aspect of his grandad and tbh that's all he needs.. he has his mum and will know the difference between right and wrong.

    I think if a couple can make it work for them and not just for the kids then yeah give it a go..
     

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