Does anyone else have angel vs devil on their shoulder??

[LDC]

Hi all,

Recently I feel like my mind is to and fro'ing and a little but like I'm going insane!

It's more to do with returning to work (you may have seen my post; I work full time 41.5 hours over a 5 day week, no chance of flexible working due to the environment so I've asked to reduce to 25.5 hours one week and 29 the next to care for LO when my MIL works).

The main part of me is saying go part time; I want to spend time with LO but we can't afford for me to be a satm plus I do want to work. I applied for part time jobs before I got this one but the funding for the job was cut so I was going to work part time if it hasn't fallen through (16 hours a week).

I want to go part time so I can't be with LO, take her out and to nursery etc when the time comes - all the things my parents didnt do because they worked full time.

Then I have the other devil half saying I should work full time; our income will be decreased (we can afford this + if I did work these days they'd be paying for child care), will I be setting a good role model to LO, and can we afford it?

I know we can afford it, it will be more than I get now for MA but its like there's an angel/devil on my shoulders!

I don't want to miss out on LO growing up, but I think it's because no one in my family gave up working full time when they had kids. Some of OH's friends have gone part time but none of mine have.

Maybe it doesn't help that work haven't replied about my reduced hours yet (it's only been 2 days since I emailed) but I feel like I can't do right for wrong, like I need to justify to myself that reducing my hours is ok despite the fact that I know I want to do it to benefit LO!

My mind is frazzled, my sleep is all over the place even when LO is asleep and I'm exhausted I lie awake and I keep having nightmares. What's wrong with me?!

Anyone else have similar dilemmas? How did you cope?

Xx

 

[preggymammy]

Write a list of pros and cons of working part time, then go with which ever is longest.

Personally, if I was in your position, and I knew we could afford for me to work part time so I could spend more time with LO, I wouldn't hesitate. But only you can make that choice.

 

[LDC]

Write a list of pros and cons of working part time, then go with which ever is longest.

Personally, if I was in your position, and I knew we could afford for me to work part time so I could spend more time with LO, I wouldn't hesitate. But only you can make that choice.

Thanks for your reply. I did do a list, had a grand total of 7 pros and 3 cons yet still my mind whirls!

Xx

 

[Here_we_go]

I went through this with my first. Financially we needed me to work but mommy-wise, I wanted to raise my son!
I ended up having to find a job when he was about 4 months old. It broke my heart missing some of his milestones and quitting breastfeeding but it just couldn't be helped. It was frustrating finding a babysitter I completely trusted and it was simply beyond words knowing that someone else was technically raising my son while I worked.

I lived for the evenings and my days off. It's all a working mom can do. He's turned out alright so far

 

[lauraemily17]

My situation is complicated so I won't go into detail but I also felt very torn. DH and I were also on very separate pages. I have however decided on part time (still waiting for it to be agreed though) the absolute deciding factor to me is something many people have said to me. They are only little for such a short time. I really don't want to miss that and have decided to basically take a 5 year career break have my babies and work part time, then look at going back full time and look at progression again. I'm now in limbo though waiting for a response from work and it does worry me.

 

[LDC]

My situation is complicated so I won't go into detail but I also felt very torn. DH and I were also on very separate pages. I have however decided on part time (still waiting for it to be agreed though) the absolute deciding factor to me is something many people have said to me. They are only little for such a short time. I really don't want to miss that and have decided to basically take a 5 year career break have my babies and work part time, then look at going back full time and look at progression again. I'm now in limbo though waiting for a response from work and it does worry me.

You sound very similar to me, especially with the work limbo, im now wondering if theyre thinking of a way to tell me to get lost + then my chances are blown with them, it's useful to hear I'm not the only one or going mad. I've worked hard to get where I am so feel like I'm "dropping out" so to speak, but like you I see it as a part time measure until LO is in school full time and child care isn't going to be an issue.

I hope it works out for you and work

Xx

 

[lauraemily17]

Thanks hun.

Dropping out describes it well as for me it's even a step down from my senior position that I have worked damn hard to achieve. I actually didn't appreciate how much it meant until I had to give it up!! It does mean some big financial compromises as well but I'd rather my children have me during the young, influential years than nice holidays and expensive toys and food.

I hope it works out for you too. Out of interest are you planning another at any point? Our plans for number 2 were influential too.

 

[bumpbear]

Much to my family's horror, I have no intention of going back to work for the forseeable future as I have found my passion being a mum (at last, something I absolutely love). I dont see the point in going to work when I dont have to just so I can claim financial independence from DH. Our families keep telling me that it's important that I stand on my own two feet, but DH and I are as solid as can be and I think its more important that I give every minute that I have to our children, not to work in an office for a career and pay that I neither care for, nor need. I think my mum is horrified as she keeps telling me that she never had the chances I did and why would I give everything I worked so hard for up to 'sit at home'.

 

[LDC]

Thanks hun.

Dropping out describes it well as for me it's even a step down from my senior position that I have worked damn hard to achieve. I actually didn't appreciate how much it meant until I had to give it up!! It does mean some big financial compromises as well but I'd rather my children have me during the young, influential years than nice holidays and expensive toys and food.

I hope it works out for you too. Out of interest are you planning another at any point? Our plans for number 2 were influential too.

We do hope to have another and plan to ttc when to I'd around 2.5 so that she'll start nursery meaning that I will have designated time just for the newborn. I thought this would also make it better going part time so ill have the chance to take LO to nursery/school too which I really want to be able to do.

Can I ask how it altered your plans?

X

 

[lauraemily17]

I guess thinking about working full time with 1 child seems hard but doable but having to work full time with 2 (considering we ideally want a 2 year age gap) to me is not at all something I want to do (while they're little) I was worried that by going back full time after one it would be harder to get full time hours from work after having number 2. I could be completely wrong in that but it was a worry I had and by going back part time now it guarantees me part time after number 2.