Does anyone else worry that....

[lilmissmup]

This may sound odd but my OH is the reason I am not pregnant, well the main part.

I really want a baby and have done for last year or two, he was up for it at the beginning of this year and now is completely off the idea again.

I am on the pill but worry if I somehow get pregnant that he would think I had tricked him into it as he knows I want it a lot and I am worried he might get angry or even leave me.

We have been together 6 years/living together for 5 so are fairly committed and I think if I somehow got pregnant he would get used to it.

Anyone else worry like this or think I am paranoid?

 

[lozzy21]

I used to think like this so i came of it now and have said if he dosent want kids yet he is in charge of the comdoms so if i do get pregnant its his fault.

 

[calm]

I used to think like this so i came of it now and have said if he dosent want kids yet he is in charge of the comdoms so if i do get pregnant its his fault.

I agree with that one lozzy, why should you have to take hormones so that he can have sex how it wants it.

 

[calm]

This may sound odd but my OH is the reason I am not pregnant, well the main part.

I really want a baby and have done for last year or two, he was up for it at the beginning of this year and now is completely off the idea again.

I am on the pill but worry if I somehow get pregnant that he would think I had tricked him into it as he knows I want it a lot and I am worried he might get angry or even leave me.

We have been together 6 years/living together for 5 so are fairly committed and I think if I somehow got pregnant he would get used to it.

Anyone else worry like this or think I am paranoid?

It's not nice to be tricked into something, but if you didn't do such a thing then you could look him in the eye and say its not the case.

And its not nice for him to be saying: now I do want a baby we can TTC, now I don't. That is really playing with you and selfish.

 

[lilmissmup]

I wouldn't trick him into it, its just a fear of getting pregnant on the pill.

I will probably be doing what Lozzy does soon but I am not a condom fan.

 

[calm]

Well thats what I mean, if such an accident happened, you know that you can tell him straight, you can alway tell when someone is telling the truth, so don't worry.

 

[lilmissmup]

If by the end of the year he is still showing no signs of getting happier with the idea I will consider coming off the pill and telling him.

I just think we would never have sex then though.

Some days I am really angry at him for saying yes, wish he had never mentioned it, I was even looking at buggys and filling my amazon wishlist with baby stuff

 

[calm]

I agree, it is totally unfair and very selfish. I am very sorry and hope you get your moment to TTC very soon.

 

[Pinkgirl]

He will also see your pills so he will know you havent tricked him.
Fair enough hun if he has changed his name its not fair, just sit down and speak to him and get it off your chest hun x

 

[lilmissmup]

I have spoken to him about it, he just changes the subject and i get moody, worry also that if i am moody about it he will have a no attitude for longer.

 

[Cinnamon]

I also think it's not fair and you are not paranoid, it's just normal feelings. You should talk to him and maybe set a date he will stick to. If not, at least compromise on what bc you are going to use if you are not happy with the pill. Keep us posted. xxxxxx

 

[bunnyg82]

there is always a chance you can get pregnant on the pill, even if it's small and as long as you haven't tricked him, which you have already said you wouldn't, then there's nothing for you to worry about. If he is that against it then as Lozzy says, he should be using condoms. I know they are a pain, but it will be good for you to come off them to let your body settle down for when he is ready.

It is unfair to get your hopes up like that and then let you down. Has he given you any reason for this. Perhaps you need to chat to him and let him know how hurt you feel about it. He may have a genuine reason or he may just be being a man! Perhaps though you can say that whatever his reasons, you understand but you need for him to agree a date and then stick to it - so that you have got something to look forward to xx

 

[calm]

I think you should do as lozzy21 and not take the pill as a protest, and say you don't want to fill your body full of hormones. IT would be good idea to have a rest from them anyway. If he wants sex and not to TTC, then he has to use condoms. (Or tell him to take the pills himself)

 

[lozzy21]

I wouldn't trick him into it, its just a fear of getting pregnant on the pill.

I will probably be doing what Lozzy does soon but I am not a condom fan.

I hate them, they feel icky and they smell but one good thing is there is less mess to clean up lol

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

I also agree, if you're at all worried that he might think that should you fall pregnant then tell him to take responsibility for the contraception. I did the same with my OH. I've been off the pill 7months. xx

 

[lilmissmup]

Morning Girls,

Thanks for the replies.

He doesn't have a real excuse as such just that hes too young (turns 30 on Thursday! So not too young in my opinion) and he wants to do things before we have a kid but when I suggest holidays/big events he just says no so thats a crap excuse too!

When he said he was up for it his friend at work had just had a baby and was apparantly telling him how great it was, for about a month he was fine with the idea then switched off like a light bulb!

He said he had only agreed as he "felt sorry for me" but I hadn't even mentioned it for ages before he agreed.

Maybe he got scared but I can't get a date out of him, we are looking to buy a house next year, I said well can we try once we have the house and all I get is I don't know.

Lozzy I think we should bang our OHs heads together!

 

[Pops]

I really feel for you hun. I am the reason we are not TTC yet, OH would do it like a shot. We will be in a couple of months though.

I hope he makes his mind up and sticks with it and stops making you worrying about things that could happen and would be as much his doing as yours if it did

x

 

[calm]

I only know about your OH from what you write, and that has only been for a few days, but I really do dislike him. Its not just, wanting to WTT (which can happen to a lot of men it is not a crime), its the ways he messes you around saying one thing then another (okay, we can TTC, okay, now we can't), his horrible comments like about hating holding babies, looking after children being a "woman's job" (I find this statement quite frightening like something from the past)... And then he gives a reason to WTT and its crap, like he wants to do things but then when it comes to it he doesn't, like he won't even go on a holiday ect.

I get the feeling you are putting your life on hold just for him, I am not surprised in another post you said you had depression and anxiety, you really have to get him to pull his socks up, you are worth a lot more than that, believe me.

 

[lilmissmup]

Thanks for your comments Calm.

I probably make him sound worse than he is, we only tend to complain and not point out the good bits don't we?

I don't remember saying he think its a womans job though but maybe I did.

If I was a full time mum then I would do most stuff as he would be the one earning but I would like him to feed change nappies etc for bonding.

He is great when around children though, lovely with our nieces and nephew, he looks so happy and has fun.

Hes just a kid himself really who doesn't wanna grow up thats the problem but I am not going to wait around forever don't worry.

 

[calm]

I agree if one is a full time mum, then of course, they are the ones with the main responsibility, in my case its the same, the difference being should my husband want to be the one to take that responsibility and me work for whatever reason, he could and would and that would not be a problem.

I am not sure now where I saw the bit about the "women's job", it was like a list you made of things he said, it might have been in a journal. Maybe I am totally wrong, and I am tagging all the bad bits on your DH. I am very sure he has good things going for him, I just hate to think you are unhappy and that he can't see that. I really think it can make a bad impact on your health. Take care xxxxxx