Does anyone have experience of court? (long sorry!)

[ProzacQueen]

Hiya :wave:

i had my 2nd DD 11 weeks ago. Ex went off with the other woman when i was 6 weeks pregnant. He wanted nothing to do with DD2, despite still seeing DD1 - he just didnt acknowledge the pregnancy, birth or anything. when i did attempt to talk to him about her he always referred to her as ''it''. He isnt on her BC so has no parental responsibilty. I asked him to come the the registry office but he was abroad on hols with the other woman, despite that fact it was the week i was due to give birth.

anyway i confronted him couple of weeks ago and said he couldnt have a relationship with 1 DD and not the other. he reluctantly agreed. i said he could come to my home and spend some time with her, even though i hated the thought of him being in my space

so he has done this ONCE and then announced it was far too awkward (for the OW obviously) and he wanted to take her out for a 10 minute walk everytime he dropped DD1 home after a contact visit. so 6pm in the dark and cold, sorry but i just find that unreasonable and far too soon for unsupervised contact.

so he is threatening me with court (again). no negotiation, no finding some other neutral ground..nope, its his way or the highway

does anyone know, if he DOES go to court what the likely outcome would be??

would they just grant him PR and unsupervised contact just like that, despite having no interest in her at all until she was 8 weeks old and i pushed him into acknowledging her - not exactly the actions of a committed father right?

i have not stopped him seeing either child, he just wants it all on his terms and i find his 'do what i say or ill take you to court' attitude very bullying - how would the court view that?? would it even get to court? his reason for wantng unsupervised contact is just 'because its awkward' - isnt that a bit of a poor excuse not to see the baby?

would he be allowed to just stroll off with a baby who he has no bond with?

i dont think i have anything to worry about .... but i worry anyway y'know?

 

[Dopeyjopey]

Sorry hun, i have no idea. I doubt they'd let him have unsupervised visits unless you were ok with it though.

i hope you get it sorted x

 

[Gem_88]

Hey,

First of all I just want to say how sorry I am that you are faced with this situation. I am in a similar position myself with my OH, as he likes to throw his weight around and threaten with court often.

Someone in my family is quite familiar with the ways of courts and legal procedures and has given me alot of advice and reassured me when I have been worried. As far as I can see, when it comes to children, as mother, you have all the rights, full stop. You could make it as easy as you wanted for him, or as difficult. The ball is really in your court.

If your ex is saying that he is going to take you to court over contact for your LO, then I would say let him. If he has had little or no input in the pregnancy or immediately since she has been born, then the courts would take that into account. They would also question why there has been a sudden interest in contact, when up until this point, he has been adamant that he does not want to see her. I would also point out if it came to it, that you had to push him into seeing your child as you felt it was best for her.

They would also be interested to know his financial input. Has he supported the child? They will clearly see if he has spent all his time off with this other woman and they will be able to see straight through any false pretences regarding him suddenly wanting to be a father. It's very easy to make a song and dance about contact and take the mother to court for appearances and to seem like a doting father who will fight for his child, but it's a whole other story to actually be a father and provide for that child.

I wish you all the best hun and feel free to message me if you want some support or someone to chat to. I know I would benefit too!! xxx

 

[ProzacQueen]

Thanks Gem hun. while i hate to hear of people in a similar situation, its also a relief to speak to people who genuinely know how you feel. im seriously the only single parent i know and its so isolating.

im glad to hear that they will take that kind of thing into account. tbh i think despite that fact he had no input (apart from the obvious sperm donation) into the pregnancy, i have a feeling he had the utter cheek to take paternity leave, and thats how he got time off work to go on holiday he didnt even tell me he was leaving the country so i wouldnt of been able to get hold of him in an emergency or anything.

i had to go to the CSA to get maintenance for DD1 as he refused to give me anything, neither he or his family offered me any support financial or otherwise this time round so i have just gone through the csa again. Maybe its because of the phonecall he got from them thats pushed him into it but my therory is the OW doesnt like him spending time with me so he wants the baby on his own so he can get her involved too

 

[Gem_88]

I completely understand what you mean about feeling isolated. I think I am considered to be a young Mum (even though I'm not that young!) so most of my friends do not have children, but it makes it alot harder to be doing it alone without a partner!

Your ex sounds awful tbh. Can't believe he would use the paternity leave to go on holiday with his tart. What a cheek! The fact that he left the country at a crucial time and never left any contact details also speaks volumes. If he wasn't ringing you to check on you and see if you had given birth yet, goes to show where his priorities were. He doesn't have a lot going in his favour!

If he is doing all this for the wrong reasons (i.e to make a point, to get back at you, because the OW is behind it all pulling the strings) then you will probably find that he won't see all the court proceedings through anyway. If his heart isn't in the right place for it, then he won't really want all the hassle and hard work of it.

It makes me angry how some men will create a baby, are happy to stand back and let women do all the work, but then turn around a long way down the line and suddenly say they feel they have a right to be involved in the childs life! You have to ask yourself whether they have done much to deserve that privilige at all!!