Does it ever get better?

[Maxi]

Just been reading some of the posts in here - I suppose Im relatively naive and kind of thought that if I can have just 1 healthy baby one day I wouldnt be so scared after my m/c.

But there are those out there who have gone on to have big families, and years have gone by but they still cant feel safe in pregnancy or stop themselves worrying- so just wondering if it ever gets better?

I dont want to forget the little soul, but I dont want to be scared forever...?

Does this constant worry during pregnancy ever go away?

 

[SabrinaKat]

I've answered elsewhere, but I think not. However, it gets easier and whether this makes sense, every day is a plus, and when there is a good scan or you feel the baby move, then it does seems easier.

I had an m/c at 7-8 wks two years ago and am now, 16wks+5, have had four scans so far and there is an actual baby (epc scan at 9 wks, dating at 12 wks, cervical bleed and u/s done to reassure me at 14wks, 16wk scan last week), but even today, I am wondering if everything is ok...

I think the fear is unfortunately normal for ladies like us, but I take it one day at a time....

best wishes

 

[Mel S]

I think time as with everything does help but once you lost a baby to miscarriage it does make you appreciate how fragile it is and therefore you will naturally worry.

 

[MRS_HJO]

Hi, just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss. My loss was the hardest thing I've ever gone through, and really changed my outlook forever on pregnancy. So many women take perfectly healthy pregnancies for granted, and have zero clue what we have gone through. I just want to say that it does get a little easier, but you will always find yourself worrying, and that's the truth. You are always waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak... But time passes, and you see that your baby is thriving at each appointment, and you start to let yourself get more excited. I think people just expect us to forget about the baby we lost, especially if it was an early loss... No one takes you seriously... It's very upsetting... My best advice to you would be to do something to honor your angel baby, whether it be planting a tree or just something to help provide closure. Take care.

 

[AlwaysPraying]

It does get easier, and this is coming from someone who never ever thought that was possible. I had a loss at 4.5 months and went on a year later to give birth to a wonderfully perfect son who is now 1 year old. It's funny, people ask if we're going to have more and I'm not sure. I say, "why tempt fate? we're 50-50" meaning, we lost one, and have one. Who knows if we're meant to have more. I know that's irrational, but even after having a healthy boy, I'm scared to get pregnant again.

BUT, all that being said, the risk, the fear and the worry is worth it. I would do it again and again to get here. Once you do have that healthy child, you realize why you go through it. I'll do it again, I'm sure, I'll be scared, but the rawness is gone, the sting isn't so strong.

I told my neighbour about our loss and she had two older kids, I was so sad and crying at the time, it had been a couple months since the loss. She said that she had the same thing. She was straight faced and almost unfeeling about it, I thought that was horrible. She told me she lost her child at 20 weeks due to a chromosome issue (like mine had), and it was sad, but it wasn't that bad. I thought, "how can you think like that!". She said, "after you have healthy children, living children, you realize these losses are...just...ok, in a way. They are out of our control, just like having healthy children, we don't choose one over the other". It's just the way it is.

Sorry to ramble and not sure if that helps or not. A year later and I'm much less worried than before because I know I am capable of having a healthy baby, but I worry because I am capable of not having a healthy baby too. Hearing my neighbour so many years later, it was nice to see she wasn't raw and jaded by the situation, she was just accepting of it. And it was nice to know I wasn't alone. I never would have believed I'd be here now, but I am, and I know you all will be too.

 

[Maxi]

It does get easier, and this is coming from someone who never ever thought that was possible. I had a loss at 4.5 months and went on a year later to give birth to a wonderfully perfect son who is now 1 year old. It's funny, people ask if we're going to have more and I'm not sure. I say, "why tempt fate? we're 50-50" meaning, we lost one, and have one. Who knows if we're meant to have more. I know that's irrational, but even after having a healthy boy, I'm scared to get pregnant again.

BUT, all that being said, the risk, the fear and the worry is worth it. I would do it again and again to get here. Once you do have that healthy child, you realize why you go through it. I'll do it again, I'm sure, I'll be scared, but the rawness is gone, the sting isn't so strong.

I told my neighbour about our loss and she had two older kids, I was so sad and crying at the time, it had been a couple months since the loss. She said that she had the same thing. She was straight faced and almost unfeeling about it, I thought that was horrible. She told me she lost her child at 20 weeks due to a chromosome issue (like mine had), and it was sad, but it wasn't that bad. I thought, "how can you think like that!". She said, "after you have healthy children, living children, you realize these losses are...just...ok, in a way. They are out of our control, just like having healthy children, we don't choose one over the other". It's just the way it is.

Sorry to ramble and not sure if that helps or not. A year later and I'm much less worried than before because I know I am capable of having a healthy baby, but I worry because I am capable of not having a healthy baby too. Hearing my neighbour so many years later, it was nice to see she wasn't raw and jaded by the situation, she was just accepting of it. And it was nice to know I wasn't alone. I never would have believed I'd be here now, but I am, and I know you all will be too.

Thank you - its nice to know that it wont control the rest of my life.
I suppose when you are still expecting its hard to see past the point where you will either have a baby or lose one.

Thank you for the hope

 

[filipenko32]

It does get easier, and this is coming from someone who never ever thought that was possible. I had a loss at 4.5 months and went on a year later to give birth to a wonderfully perfect son who is now 1 year old. It's funny, people ask if we're going to have more and I'm not sure. I say, "why tempt fate? we're 50-50" meaning, we lost one, and have one. Who knows if we're meant to have more. I know that's irrational, but even after having a healthy boy, I'm scared to get pregnant again.

BUT, all that being said, the risk, the fear and the worry is worth it. I would do it again and again to get here. Once you do have that healthy child, you realize why you go through it. I'll do it again, I'm sure, I'll be scared, but the rawness is gone, the sting isn't so strong.

I told my neighbour about our loss and she had two older kids, I was so sad and crying at the time, it had been a couple months since the loss. She said that she had the same thing. She was straight faced and almost unfeeling about it, I thought that was horrible. She told me she lost her child at 20 weeks due to a chromosome issue (like mine had), and it was sad, but it wasn't that bad. I thought, "how can you think like that!". She said, "after you have healthy children, living children, you realize these losses are...just...ok, in a way. They are out of our control, just like having healthy children, we don't choose one over the other". It's just the way it is.

Sorry to ramble and not sure if that helps or not. A year later and I'm much less worried than before because I know I am capable of having a healthy baby, but I worry because I am capable of not having a healthy baby too. Hearing my neighbour so many years later, it was nice to see she wasn't raw and jaded by the situation, she was just accepting of it. And it was nice to know I wasn't alone. I never would have believed I'd be here now, but I am, and I know you all will be too.

Hi I think that it is perfectly understandable and even expected to be upset after one loss, I was completely devastated and still am but since then I have had 2 more losses so it is triple the devastation. I think people react differently because that's how they have managed to cope with it because it really is such a terrible thing to go through. I am actually waiting to decide what to do with this miscarriage now, whether to have a d&c or...etc. I see that you had a chromosome test after your d&c and I just wondered how your miscarriage went like how far you got and if it all seemed normal to begin with and then failed because that's how mine seem to be. Congratulations on the birth of your baby, I so glad it worked out for you in the end! x

 

[AlwaysPraying]

We found out when baby was still alive that he has the genetic issues. It was through our scans and then I had a cvs to confirm.

I needed to know what caused his issues so I could be more prepared next time. For me testing his chromosomes and body after was very important. The mystery of "why" was taken away with that.

My next pregnancy followed the same pregnancy poath as the first. I had spotting through both which was scary. They offered to do early and multiple scans but there was still nothing they could do to stop it if it was early anyways. So I held my breath scared and jumped in.

I'm so sorry your having such a hard time. That was actually my second loss and my boy is my third pregnancy. The first only went to 8 weeks the second to 4.5 months then finally a living full term baby. I wondered when the worst would happen to this one the whole time through. Like I said the 2nd time we tested and found out it was a genetic issue that was out of our control. It was just how the genes matched up. Part of that helped because I knew it wasn't me kicking the baby out or doing something wrong. Do you know what I mean?

 

[filipenko32]

We found out when baby was still alive that he has the genetic issues. It was through our scans and then I had a cvs to confirm.

I needed to know what caused his issues so I could be more prepared next time. For me testing his chromosomes and body after was very important. The mystery of "why" was taken away with that.

My next pregnancy followed the same pregnancy poath as the first. I had spotting through both which was scary. They offered to do early and multiple scans but there was still nothing they could do to stop it if it was early anyways. So I held my breath scared and jumped in.

I'm so sorry your having such a hard time. That was actually my second loss and my boy is my third pregnancy. The first only went to 8 weeks the second to 4.5 months then finally a living full term baby. I wondered when the worst would happen to this one the whole time through. Like I said the 2nd time we tested and found out it was a genetic issue that was out of our control. It was just how the genes matched up. Part of that helped because I knew it wasn't me kicking the baby out or doing something wrong. Do you know what I mean?

Hi yeah I know exactly what you mean! Probably everyone who has a miscarriage blames themselves for something, I certainly did and still do even when I know they're silly somehow they get into my mind and guit starts for no reason!! For example, I worry because I had a 4 year smoking habit in my early 20's (started ttc at 31.5 now 32 and a bit) but so did sister and she has never miscarried. But I think you have been through a lot more than me and my heart goes out to you. After the 1st miscarriage I became ALOT more emotionally detached from the pregnancies to protect myself really but I think this would have been impossible to maintain after 8 weeks (I always lose mine at 6ish weeks). I appreciate you telling me about the testing and how it made you feel, I am seriously thinking of getting this done if I can. x x

 

[filipenko32]

Also alwayspraying, you should be really good to yourself and give yourself lots of treats and nice things because you probably had a very nervous time with your third as I don't think I would be as nervous once I got to the 12 weeks mark but you kind of had the whole emotional torture and fear extended which must have been terrible. It looks like you have a beautiful baby now and i'm sure it was all worth it!! It just makes me mad that we have to go through all this. Were both your pregnancies due to chromosome problems or do you only know about your second one if you don't mind me asking? I am beginning to suspect that all my three are chromosome related as nothing as come up on a million tests i've had. If I get tested, i'll let you know. Me and my husband had the karyotype thing done and both came back clear but i know this does not stop you from having random chromosome problems. x x