Doing it on our own again, sharing my thoughts & fears **update pg 4 **

[2have4kids]

You could play mil a little like sil does, set up play dates with other healthy kids and invite mil, play to mil how your LO misses her and needs her (get him on the phone) she doesn't need to know that you're intentionally staying away from sil, that will cause friction especially if she doesn't agree (from lack of her ability to understand). She just needs to know she's wanted. Try not to bring up sil in her presence and if mil brings her up quickly change the subject - drawing boundaries is easier when you stop yourself from getting sucked into conversation (even hearing about sil would be draining to me as it is with my own sister).

 

[lomelindi17]

"The crazy thing is that sil is NOT mil's daughter, she her daughter in law, like me. (sils been in the family a short while for about 9 ish yrs)"

omg really?!?! HAHA that is awful wow. That girl needs a reality check lol...just ... wow.

 

[tigerlilly]

"The crazy thing is that sil is NOT mil's daughter, she her daughter in law, like me. (sils been in the family a short while for about 9 ish yrs)"

omg really?!?! HAHA that is awful wow. That girl needs a reality check lol...just ... wow.

Tell me about it it freakin crazy! She side over her than her own son, it's like a cult!

 

[tigerlilly]

Last night ds said that, Nanny (dh's mum) is not his Nanny but O's (his cousins) Nanny. Mate this situation sucks Where to go from here.

 

[girlinyork]

Last night ds said that, Nanny (dh's mum) is not his Nanny but O's (his cousins) Nanny. Mate this situation sucks Where to go from here.

Tell DS to tell his nanny that. Might shock some sense into him

 

[tigerlilly]

Last night ds said that, Nanny (dh's mum) is not his Nanny but O's (his cousins) Nanny. Mate this situation sucks Where to go from here.

Tell DS to tell his nanny that. Might shock some sense into him

Thats the plan on sunday when we're supposed to go to dinner! Ds doesn't appear to be bothered, quite an observation for a 2 year old!

 

[2have4kids]

Yup, being around those folks is def hurting him.

 

[lomelindi17]

Ugh that's awful, he's obviously feeling the difference in attention to say something like that. Poor wee guy!

 

[tigerlilly]

Thinking back he's been saying small things for a while and i've not thought anything of them as he'd also say not my this or not my that. I'd say shall we go and see your Nanny he'd say not my Nanny. I've explained that she is his Nanny and he looks at me like i'm crazy.

He does notice the difference between the way she is with his cousin and the way she is with him and you see it in his face and when mil isn't with his cousin she is talking about him. He doesn't think it of granddad, as he thinks the world of ds.

we turned down a possible opportunity to move as the house was near sil
not because of sil but how times ds would see nanny walking passed with sil and the kids and not come to see him. This would be too painful to bear.

I need to put an end to the situation some how and it's a challenge to not be driven by my own experiences with my grandparents who never had time for me and my brother, but because it's the right thing to do for him and if we take him away for his benefit and emotional well-being is this going to be more detrimental too him than the situation in the first place. MIL created the problem she needs to fix it by actions not words.

 

[lomelindi17]

Well, I think you should talk to her first before going to a major step like not letting him see her completely. If you let it be known that it's a major concern for his well-being then maybe she will realize how unfair she is being to him and improve her behavior.

 

[2have4kids]

As much as we love to get people to change for the better, you can't change her behaviour. If she's not responded to your concerns at this point, she's much better coming to visit you once or twice/year without sil. It sounds like it is effecting his emotional well-being and it sounds like he has been giving you pretty clear feedback. I hope you have the strength to protect your little boy from feeling unloved and abandoned by his own grandmother. I'd consider moving away if you have the chance, a fresh would probably make it easier on everyone.

 

[tigerlilly]

Going to dinner tomorrow so we're going to tell her what he said deal with that one and than raise the others when time allows

 

[tigerlilly]

So we told her, she replied of course I'm his nanny and the FIL said tbh we only do what we can for each of them and wouldn't hear of it! eyes wide open and yet they are blind. Wowzer.

Ds told us today that he didn't want to go to Nannys today and he tried everything to not go and he admitted that he is scared of his cousin. Dh and I will sit down tonight had have a plan, this has got to stop.

 

[BethK]

If Ds didn't want to go I wouldn't force a relationship with them.

I don't think its so important that the relationship is forced on them.

Maybe if you don't try so hard MIL will make more of an effort, if not your son won't be missing out on anything

 

[2have4kids]

If he's scared of his cousin, I'd cancel the trip there. If he gets injured and a doctor or nurse has to deal with it they'd call the police in, file a report and you could be charged with child endangerment. A client I work with was standing by while her man abused her 13 year girl. She didn't want to deal with him so she told her girl to tell a counsellor at school. Both parents were criminally charged. She had NO idea that would happen, but rightfully so she is meant to be the guardian of her girl and if she's not protecting her she's failing at her 1 important role as a mum.

 

[tigerlilly]

The challenge is not putting words in ds mouth and assuming that every reaction is related to him (cousin)

Last night ds woke up in hysterics saying I don't want too. and is highly strung as always after being there so he's not seeing his cousin any more. and visits to Nanny will be extremely limited to when cousin isn't there.

 

[2have4kids]

All it would take is 1 semi-serious injury from cousin (even tho he's small), your saving grace at this point is that he's too young to communicate to authorities how an injury has happened. We were applying for adoption before we got preggers and each time you visit an ER with your LO your name is recorded in an 'incident' report. We had to have a search conducted to see how many times and under what circumstances an incident with child has occurred (thankfully none even tho I've worked in daycare for 6 years, a nanny for 2 and as a swim instructor & lifeguard for 4).
I'm sure nothing will happen but the fact that you are aware of the risk and continue exposing him doesn't do anything to help your credibity incase something does happen. Go with your gut and protect your wee cherub.

 

[tigerlilly]

Thank you if his grandparents want to see him they will need to come here, I'm done with sil's shit and dramas.

We're sure that there's something wrong with his cousin maybe autism or something or she's an awful mother!?

when his cousin was being told off by his mother yesterday he was slapping himself in the face so hard he was leaving hand prints. She did nothing, he is such an angry little boy, but I need to accept that it's not my problem and my boy comes first even if that means he no longer see's his grandparents.