Don't know how to ask this...

[firstbabyOMG]

Hubby & I had been trying for several months to get pregnant. And now that we are, I'm not having second thoughts or anything but... I don't feel anything emotionally towards the baby. I thought maybe it would change once I saw it on the u/s, but nothing.

I don't know if I'm just protecting myself in the case of a miscarriage or some other awful news in the early scans, or... what else it could be. All of you seem so excited & some are just a few weeks along, all I'm feeling is the morning sickness.

I feel like a bad person or something. Like I don't love my child. It bothers me & I'm afraid to talk to my husband about it. I'm hoping it goes away once I can start feeling it move or once we know what & who it is. I don't know... just wanted to share, see if anyone had similar non-feelings at any point.

 

[debgreasby]

 

[gemm]

aww hun most mothers don't bond with their baby until its in their arms and some even later. its a huge thing to get your head around, and you're dealing with a lot of other emotions and feelings (and sickness ) at the minute.

Please don't beat yourself up over it, take each day as it comes x its such a massive change your body is going through xxxxx

 

[AP]

Its actually quite normal hun. I remember last pregnancy at 20 weeks screaming OMG I cannot do this.

The actually reality of your own child in your arms is beyond belief until you get there hun - dont panic!!!!

PS HOrmones right now dont help

 

[mislaww]

A girlfriend of mine took 6 months past birth to feel something towards her baby. And she's a warm, caring woman who has always wanted a family!

It's perfectly normal. At 11 weeks, it's still so remote! And causing all sorts of havoc on your body and emotions too!

Don't worry hon, the bond will come in good time.

 

[DawnMN26]

My hormones are ALL over the place here at 10 weeks.
Any finding out i'm having twins, I'm too petrified to feel anything right now.
I'm sure we will bond with our babies once they are placed in our arms.
Or like people said above, it may take some time after the baby is born.
They are so many feelings going on inside of use, I wouldn't let this bother you right now.

 

[mommy2lexi]

Absolutely normal!! I can tell you that we tried for a year to concieve our daughter and when I got prego with her I was so sick all day long and miserable...and like you I felt no connection with her...NOTHING! But, it changed when I started feeling movement (around 20 weeks for me)...then it all seemed real. Before that I think the baby is too small and it's too new to really appreciate it or "feel" it if you know what I mean. Once I felt movement I was attached to her.

I hope it ends up this way for you...but in the meantime don't beat yourself up, I think it's absolutely normal. I even feel that way now w/ #2. Most of the time if I am not sick I don't feel prego....how can you have a connection when you don't feel anything there? It'll get better

 

[firstbabyOMG]

I really appreciate all of the responses. I was afraid I was being a cold person. I love babies, my nieces & nephews are my darlings - so I know it's not that! I guess I have no reference... the only children I've ever had are my dogs & I didn't have to carry them to term. They have been my angels for so many years, I can't imagine them being replaced by anything else. Maybe that's contributing to it as well. *sigh* Either way, glad to know it's not unusual... just overwhelming. It makes sense.

Thanks again.

 

[MarylandGirl]

I think for me it's partly a protective measure--I don't want to get too attached in case something goes wrong. I have a feeling it may change a bit after an ultrasound and once I can actually feel movement. Right now, I just keep thinking, "It's a blueberry" and it just seems so abstract to me. So you're not alone!

I also have moments of panic about lifestyle changes once baby arrives. Like, will I ever be able to sleep in again on the weekends? Then my husband reminds me that I don't really sleep in much now anyway!

 

[JeepGirl]

I really appreciate all of the responses. I was afraid I was being a cold person. I love babies, my nieces & nephews are my darlings - so I know it's not that! I guess I have no reference... the only children I've ever had are my dogs & I didn't have to carry them to term. They have been my angels for so many years, I can't imagine them being replaced by anything else. Maybe that's contributing to it as well. *sigh* Either way, glad to know it's not unusual... just overwhelming. It makes sense.

Thanks again.

I feel the same way. I hear other moms saying they are worried their 1st child will feel 2nd place to the new baby. Thats how I feel about my dogs. I worry when the baby comes I wont have enough time for them, then I feel bad that I'm worried about the dogs, and don't really feel a bond with the baby yet. I'm sure once I feel movement that will change, or when I see him or her on my 1st scan (wish I didn't have to wait till 20 weeks for the scan). Hearing the heartbeat at my last doctors appt helped a bit, seemed real for the first time.

 

[lisaf]

I keep telling Dh to stop touching my tummy as all he's feeling is my fat right now.
I will admit it felt very special when I saw the heartbeat... but I'll confess that I kind of don't care about my ultrasound picture.. I'm like 'eh' its a spec...
Yet everyone else is all gooey over it. I'm excited and scared to have a baby, but just don't find my US picture to be that special.

I know my confession is a little different than the main one of this thread, but I've felt guilty for not going gaga over a picture that honestly doesn't look like much! Feeling better about it now... nice to know its normal to not always be over the moon about it.

 

[Ashton]

Grl dnt feel bad honestly u aint the only one havin sec thoughts if u still r. im havin my first child alone n when i found out i thought i was goin to die. People from all around me say its normal to feel that way in my opinion its cuz of shock. me i was sick for a month n a half so i know where u comin from bout bein scared n all.

is what i have to keep tellin myself is that God is the only one that can breath life into us n when he does he has a plan. we may not know what that plan is but it is not there for us to know. dnt give up yet its goin to be great things r goin to go better n im sure ull b a great mom

 

[Emmysmommy]

It is quite normal. I really wanted to be a Mommy when I was pregnant with my daughter four years ago. I thought the same as you the minute I got pregnant I would be so ready to be a mom and there would be an instant love. I honestly didn't feel it until I was 35 weeks along. I had my baby shower and was setting up the nursery when it hit me that it wouldn't be much longer and I would have a baby sleeping there. I remember at that moment thinking OMG I'm going to be a Mom and I started to panic that my house wasn't ready for the baby. It sounds silly but it was my nesting phase. I scrubbed my house from top to bottom every day until I was induced. The night before my daughter was born I was cooking and baking everything to keep my mind occupied. I was terrified of giving birth and if I would be happy once I had the baby. During the birth I screamed out, "I can't do this anymore" when they told me to push again, and was told I had no choice. As soon as my daughter was born and they handed her to me though, that was the moment I knew I was waiting for. She looked up at me and I could tell she instantly loved me the way I instantly loved her. Now even though she is a sassy little thing I love her with all my heart and could never in a million years imagine my life without her. With this second child, I already know that it's the same thing. I will love them when they are born, but right now I'm just in the mix of sickness and fatigue that it's hard to love something I can't hold. You will love your child and make an awesome Mom when your baby is born and don't beat yourself up or feel guilty for how you feel right now because a lot of moms experience it, especially with their firstborns.

 

[ayako]

I think when you see your baby make eye contact with youa nd smile for the first time, you will definitely see a connection

 

[Babybear1985]

Hey huni, awww dont feel bad, when i first found out i was so excited and loved my little spec more then anything, and then hormones and pregnancy symptoms kicked in, exhaustion, Ms etc and i had a couple of really bad days where i just thought oh my goodness what on earth have we done lol....i feltawful for even thinking that but after a couple of days i started to get excited again...i think the whole things is different for everybody, we been trying for over a year so you would think i would be happy as larry all day long but its not like that, my body has gone into overdrive, everything is chagning, i have worries all day everyday but i know one thing and that is that its normal to feel a bit wierd and not so excited or connected. alot of mine is to do with fear of something bad happening and unitll ive had my first scan i dont think i will really connect with beany baby untill i know everything is okay.

You know where we are if you need a chat sweetie xx

 

[cosmotbear]

Ths is very normal! It's not real till your baby pops out and with all the symptoms you get whilst pregnant it's hard to be joyous when eventually all you want is your body back and your baby out! With DS it def took me several months AFTER his birth to bond, think I was a physical and emotional wreck and sleep deprivation hit me very hard. As the months passed.. and now years i think I love him more every day. These things cone in time I think xxx

 

[firstbabyOMG]

Hubby likes to rub my belly & kiss it. I don't mind, I know he's excited. I've tried talking to the baby, but I feel silly. I feel better knowing that it'll come in time. I know I will love my child, I just always thought it would come with the pregnancy. Right now all I can think about it how to get this nasty taste out of my mouth! I know it'll hit me eventually... it just hit me a lot earlier when it wasn't me but my sister or friends who were preggers.

I am worried about neglecting my dogs. I have two chinchillas that I absolutely have to rehome because I KNOW I will not be able to keep caring for them. But my girls... I can't get rid of my girls. Since they have each other I hope it won't be as bad, & my husband has been getting really good at keeping up with their food & water. I'm sure I will be able to love them when the baby arrives, I just don't want them to resent me or the baby.

 

[lisaf]

There are ways to introduce the dogs to the baby, get them used to the smells etc.

And don't forget, dogs like to know where they are in the pecking order... the more assertive you are, the more relaxed they are... so as long as you and/or your husband are the leaders in their eyes, the jealousy shouldn't be much of an issue... its when they think they are in charge that they resent having someone else come in etc.