Don't know what to do about SIL

[Cinnamon]

SIL is turning 13 tomorrow and has always been a nice girl usually. Yes she has a temper and had trouble letting go of it, I don't like to think she's cold or couldn't care less, just that she doesn't know how to say sorry when she's in the wrong. I know she's happy about LO coming because she talks about it a lot and now seems happy she won't be the baby (Before she used to say she wanted to be the only baby in the house).

Anyhow, she's always had this very big and unusual to my liking, obsession about boys. She's always talking about them, since I met her when she was 6 up to now, it's just gotten worse. She always comments on how good looking or fit they are or how ugly they are, along the street, on tv or her normal conversation always involves a boy at some point. She doesn't have a boyfriend or meet any boys but still she always talks about it. I'm 23weeks pg and I just can't stand the idea of her commenting silly things like that around baby non stop. It really is non stop.

Plus lately she's got this lack of respect when she talks my jaw drops. The other day hubby and I were over for a visit and I don't know how the conversation developed but she ended up saying she'd put arsenic in her dads beer and in her mums coffee and keep the house to herself. That was in front of her parents and probably in a joking way, also taken as such by her parents as her mum said, yes, but you have 2 other siblings so you'd have to kill them off too. It's not that easy. And she just said, oh, police are daft, they'd never catch me. My eyes were popping out and MIL was just laughing it off, saying, I have to put up with this every day, but laughing while she said it. I have never said such a thing about my mum and never ever would, not even joking as I don't think it's a funny joke either!!

She also said she happened to be walking along the street with her music on and saw a girl and said "how ugly!" out loud. She realized when the girl turned around that she'd said it out loud but didn't even appologise or excuse herself, she just kept on walking. I can just imagine that girl running home in tears as that's what I would have done in her case. When MIL asked her if she thought it was ok to do that, she just said, I had my music on, I didn't realise. Like it was ok to think that way, only not to say it out loud. MIL also said, and you think you're the best? And she said, no mum, don't worry, I know I'm ugly, but I'm positive she knows she isn't and just said it to end the conversation.

On the other hand, she is still being babied by her parents, gets her chicken cut up in little bits so she doesn't use the knife, gets her sauce thinned down, gets a different meal to the rest of us (usually chicken or pizza) because she doesn't "like" what we're eating, even if she hasn't tried it. Her hair gets brushed by MIL, her nails cut and her stuff done, she only has to study (which she is neglecting lately) and play with anything you can think of because she has it (WII, nintendo, dolls, a laptop) you name it. Her parents aren't rich but they make and effort to get her anything and everything, which in my opinion is making her spoilt.

Anyhow, she just got called to get some pics taken for a clothes shop or something, and I'm sure it will make her head so big she won't fit through the door. I can't tell hubby how I feel about her behaviour because he adores her as he took care of her since she was a baby, but I know he doesn't approve and I'm just so worried she'll be a bad influence I won't even want her to come close to LO. I also don't feel I have the right to tell her off, and if I do, she'll just hold a grudge and ignore me, like I've seen her do with her siblings.

Any suggestions? Sorry about the long rant but it really gets to me.

 

[KEmery08]

Her situation sounds a bit more extreme than what I am used to dealing with. Her attitude is, anyway. My sister-in-law is a difficult one as well. The only people she has shared happiness with over our baby are her parents. We've yet to hear that she's pleased. Mostly she acts disinterested. I really think it's an age thing more than anything ...

However, all of the empty threats and just flat out rude behaviors are not things I would want my child exposed to either. My thought on this is that while it'll be a bad effect later in your child's life, I don't know how bad it will be when baby is little. I'm sorry you're so frustrated though. I would be too!

Is there a way to kindly and constructively approach it with your husband? I think he should be aware of your feelings, and as long as he doesn't think you're attacking - he may be open to the discussion.

 

[Cinnamon]

I usually voice my opinion about her being babied to him and he talks about it saying, there's not much he can tell his mum really. And I have the same problem, she has two adult children Big Sil, and hubby and then little SIL so I feel out of place saying anything to her or hubby but I do see she might start getting a little too flippant.

I think I'll ask him to at least answer back when she says things to him directly like: "how ugly" when he hasn't had his hair cut or things like that. She never gets told things like that, obviously, but she doesn't feel ashamed to tell her siblings or parents what she thinks, even if it's not nice...

Also MIL has been complaining about having trouble handling her attitude towards schoolwork and I've just been subtle advising a timetable for computer, homework and tv. She watches too much tv and plays on the computer way to much compared to her duties for school. She said she'd think about it to hubby.

These threats were said last week so I think I've left it too late to tell hubby how I feel, but I will the next time in a careful way.

Thanks!