don't understand my rights :(

[stephanie20]

okay, so i have posted a few things on here about whats been going on with FOB and LO and me but for people that don't know basically I was with my ex boyfriend for about 7 months. He was controlling and got me into a lot of debt, he kept asking me to stop using contraception so we could have a baby and eventually I said yes and got pregnant, 2 weeks after we'd found out he left me.
I thought that would be it, but now I have had his cousin messaging me asking me why I won't let him know why I won't tell the FOB what is happening with his baby (he came to my first scan and told me if I had it i'd be on my own and then posted his scan picture through my door..shows me he wants nothing to do with it).
If i cut all contact with him now can he take me to court when i'v had it and use that against me? I don't know if he will take me to court, I just don't want that being used against me.

I don't think he should be in the baby's life as he is nasty to me and because of what hes been like with me since I found out I was pregnant, the scan and such, also found out that he has been dealing drugs to get some extra money for himself. I don't want my baby in that environment when it is born for its own safety and well being, I know I will be okay on my own. Just don't want him flitting in and out of its life which I think he will do and me not having a say in what he does :/

 

[xSophieBx]

That won't be held against u in court hun. You have genuine reasons why your cutting contact and thats for yours and the babys well being. I've had to cut contact and everything is dealt with via solicitors so I would inform him you wish to have no contact with him unless its via the legal system. He will have a long way to go to prove himself before he will be able to have your child unsupervised so please don't stress about it now(I knows its easier said then done) Don't contact him anymore, change your number etc if you have to and just have someone inform him when baby is here xx

 

[stephanie20]

do you think he will be able to see the baby unsupervised in the future though? and okay i sent him a message from facebook telling him when my next scan is so he just keeps ringing me even though i said message me or text me, i don't want to speak to you, pfft

 

[LonelyAngelx]

I dont get it.. hes the one who wanted a baby in the first place and know wants nothing to do with it? id cut contact completely until he pulls his finger out and realises what hes gonna miss out on hope your ok sweet
x

 

[stephanie20]

i don't either cos tbh i didn't want one so soon, i'm only 20, i wanted a good job first so that i wouldn't be reliant on benefits and so then i could give it a better life than i will be able to now
i took the implant out because he kept telling me to and then two weeks after i find out he buggers off :/ lol
and i will thanks x

 

[Kacie]

Don't worry about court etc. It is a long and very expensive process (for him) He would have to be really dedicated and willing to spend a lot of money to go down that route and it sounds like he wouldn't bother. Even if he did, you have lots of reasonable reasons for your actions and the court system drags out over a long period of time (including mediation meetings etc.) so it really would test his dedication to seeing the LO. I agree, cut contact and change mob number and just take it from there.

You'll be fine hun. Benefits are there to get you on your feet (i'm on them now, just starting an evening course one night a week to get me qualifed so I can have a good job and support my LO in the future). Take advantage of the free or cheap courses and get qualified in something if you can.

xx

 

[Vixen_17]

OK, you all may think I'm the devil incarnate for suggesting this but if he's said he doesn't want anything to do with you or the baby why not just not have his name on the birth certificate? Can the court make you do DNA?

Tell his cousin to go do one. You are not obliged to keep his cousin informed of what's happening in your tummy so just delete and block him (or her). End of that problem.

 

[Paton]

I would agree vixen, if the name on the birth certificate was just a name.

However as soon as his name is there then he has a lot of power.. exactly the same amount as the mother. And, even if he says he's not interested now, that doesn't mean he'll stay that way once the baby is here. (My FOB never wanted DD and made my life hell when I was pregnant... but the second I left, he started to use DD and his 'parental responsibility' to get power over me. It was a very nasty time that cost fortunes in solicitors all because FOB got jealous and tried to use my daughter to get at me..

I am usually the first to say that a child should know where they came from and a name on the certificate is the way to do that.. but I don't agree with the laws in this country and the power it gives the absent FOBs, so as a general rule I would advise against it if you fear that FOB may use LO to try and control you.. horrible as that sounds, it's what happened to me.

xx

 

[stephanie20]

so if i change my mobile number, don't tell him when the baby is born and don't put him on the birth certificate theres nothing he can do unless he takes me to court? I don't think he will too because he has past convictions including drug dealing and stealing whereas I have nothing, I don't think he'll want that dragged up inn court and it'll just make me look even better as I have no convictions.

I don't understand why the name on the birth certificate means so much, I know who the dad is, I can show LO pictures when shes older so why does it matter so much?

I really hope he doesn't get any visitation rights because I don't think it will be in LO's best interests, he said he "loved" me and got me into so much debt I can't even open a bank account in my name, can see him doing his daughter over the way he did me over...scumbag. D;