Don't want FOB at the birth

[Batman909]

Thanks Jennifer and brandonsgirl. That doesn't sound to bad if he was there just for the birth part but maybe not at the business end lol I thinks it's the idea of him being there the whole time watching me etc that makes me uncomfortable I mean I wouldn't want him to rub my back or anything so it's kinda pointless if he's there for the labour bit and I'm sure by the time I get to pushing ill be so focused I want evn know who's there haha

 

[Itsychik]

I can understand the point of view of the two posters above who disagree, and while if I were the FOB I'd probably want to be there too, that doesn't take away from the fact that it's not his body who will be doing the work, that will be exposed in a very personal and private way, so I think the choice lies solely with the OP.

I'd also be wary about letting him only be present for 'part of the time' because what if something happens and the OP wants him to leave at a certain point? I.e. maybe after the birth she needs stitches, wants skin-to-skin and time to BF, waiting for the placenta... those are personal moments that I wouldn't want someone I wasn't close to being a part of. Is the FOB really likely to respect the OP's wishes if she asks him to leave at this point? (OP, only you can know the answer to this). Just some things to take into consideration, but I can imagine that might make things more awkward or tense than necessary.

@ OP-have you invited him to any of the ultrasounds? Maybe that could be a compromise to let him feel involved in some of the more 'personal' aspects without being too intrusive?

It's a difficult situation

 

[Batman909]

I certainly wouldn't want an ex to see me pooing, vagina almost inside out etc.

omg I'm dying so true. I can just see myself screaming while pushing "don't u bloody look down there!!!" It was bad enough having my mum wipe the bloody poo away when I was pushing the second time. More than a baby was born that day.

 

[AF_Momma]

In my opinion I think you have to give yourself some time to think about it. I COMPLETELY understand not wanting an ex to be in the room with you for such a private personal time. He is the father though and the birth of his child (first child) is just as special for him as well. If you guys are in good terms and he plans to be in his child's life this will be a wonderful start to that relationship. Maybe after giving yourself a little bit of time you can decide on a compromise. Notify him when you start labor and let him know that you are not comfortable during the labor part. It is a time for you to feel comfortable and best for you and baby for it to be the best environment for you. He could be on "stand by" in waiting room and be called upon for the actual birth moment or even behind a curtain and only a part of the experience once baby is out and being cleaned etc. These are just suggestions of course. If end the end you decide it's a no go though, you are totally in your right to do so. I was dying when my MIL wanted to be in the room when my daughter was born, it was a big fat NO! She is not a stranger to me, but definitely a stranger to my hooohaah and needs to remain that way! lol

 

[darcie]

you need to do whats best for you. I wouldn't have someone there I wasn't comfortable with x

 

[jenniferttc1]

I can understand the point of view of the two posters above who disagree, and while if I were the FOB I'd probably want to be there too, that doesn't take away from the fact that it's not his body who will be doing the work, that will be exposed in a very personal and private way, so I think the choice lies solely with the OP.

I'd also be wary about letting him only be present for 'part of the time' because what if something happens and the OP wants him to leave at a certain point? I.e. maybe after the birth she needs stitches, wants skin-to-skin and time to BF, waiting for the placenta... those are personal moments that I wouldn't want someone I wasn't close to being a part of. Is the FOB really likely to respect the OP's wishes if she asks him to leave at this point? (OP, only you can know the answer to this). Just some things to take into consideration, but I can imagine that might make things more awkward or tense than necessary.

@ OP-have you invited him to any of the ultrasounds? Maybe that could be a compromise to let him feel involved in some of the more 'personal' aspects without being too intrusive?

It's a difficult situation

Which I totally understand. I think if it's an option and she is open to him being there for the birth, they could come up with an agreement on expectations and when he needs to leave the room. If she's not comfy with the whole stitches or placenta part, she can tell him when that time comes she would like for him to leave the room and he can come back after or so. But for me personally while I was doing that, everyone in the room was off in the corner anways with the baby as he was getting cleaned, weighted, measured and taking pictures

OP- totally get not wanting him there during labor part. It's very emotional and you need to be completely relaxed. It is your body, and do what makes momma feel comfortable. But if your open to him being there for the birth, then that's what I would do
Ps. your right, by the time you are giving birth, you really don't know who's there. My husband was just another leg holder to me at that moment

 

[sjwebb]

I agree with the other girls. I think its important that he gets to see his baby, but as far as the birthing experience goes, I think thats something intimate that you should share with someone you love, and its clear, that love is no longer in the air. At the end of the day, its your body and your stress level.

 

[J_Lynn]

I really wish women would stop using the excuse of making the rules for everything simply because they're the ones that have to give birth.
Yes, we may have to be the ones who give birth - but that child IS 50% his. Regardless of who pushes it out - you're no more important than the man in the role of creating a child, if it was not for the soerm there would be no baby.

I can understand not wanting your ex there in the room with you (helllllo awkward!) but he should at least be at the hospital and able to see his child ASAP. To withhold that from him would be cruel to do when he wants to be a part of her birth. That is just as big of a memory for him as it is you. I would really think about that - I could never imagine making someone miss out on a huge event like the birth of their own child :/

 

[ladybugz]

Your ex sounds like mine. Bullheaded and thinks he can do whatever he pleases. Well if I were you I wouldn't tell him when I went to the hospital but the moment the baby was born I would call him. This time is about you and the baby and if the two of you are not together then you are the one who chooses if he is there or not. It is not his call. Even the staff will make him leave if he shows up without your consent.

 

[liveandlove04]

I understand not wanting to be uncomfortable but some men really do want to witness seein their child come in to the world regardless of whatever the relationship is.. I say it's unfair to keep him away, but honestly it's not my life.

 

[Lyana]

This is a tough situation. I think you need to feel comfortable while giving birth and not be worried about what an ex is going to be seeing.
But it is his baby as well.
And if he's not mean or abusive i would try to come to a compromise. Maybe say he needs to stay south of the waist or something. Or that as soon as the baby is born he can come in and see the baby, just cover yourself if you don't want him seeing stuff.
But honestly you guys made a baby together so he's probably seen it all anyway.