DS may have speech and behavioural issues :( UPDATE PG5 :)

[MadameJ]

Hi

This will probs be a pointless thread that folk will read and not comment,Im not looking for comments I just want to get it off my chest about our wee boy.

Our little Leo has not long turned 2 and is a very special little boy.He was my first and was such an awesome baby it was a bit of a doddle so since he's hit the 'terrible two's' its been a bit draining.

For months now I have noticed somethings not quite right,everyone told me 'all kids develop at different rates' and 'he'll get there eventually' which is fair do's.Im normally the first to say that sorta thing.I basically got shot down every time I spoke out about it,even my partner told me I was being silly.

Turns out I could be right.

Leo had his 2nd year assessment yesterday and physically he's doing fantastic but a few things i talked about may be a cause for concern.Leo doesn't speak like other 2 year olds.He says the odd words but aren't very clear.Roll back a year he could say mummy and daddy aswell as others but he seems to have forgotten which happens alot with him.He has NO attention span,can't sit still for 2mins,he doesn't understand sharing,he gets VERY frustrated when he's clearly trying to tell us something but all that comes out are shouts n screams and his tantrums aren't your usual toddler tantrum.But he is very clever,we can tell this from little things he does.

So he's been referred for speech therapy and seeing a behaviourist to see what the plan of action is.Iv been told they are assessing him for Autisim etc.

My family are finding this quite upsetting which annoys me,infact it makes me angry.Leo is such a special boy and IF he does have a few problems SO FREAKING WOT that just makes him even more special and if anyone has a problem with it the can keep their opinions to themselves.

Put it this way...think of the story about the tortoise and the hare,the hare was fast,confident and seemed smart but it was the slow,unsure and brilliant tortoise that won the race.

He'll be special to his mummy and daddy no matter what and I couldnt
't be any more proud of him.

Thanks for reading

 

[Carly2310]

 

[_Vicky_]

big hugs - well he certainly sounds like he has exactly the mum he needs to face whatever life has in store for him xxxxxx

 

[TennisGal]

Good for you!! You sound like a fabulous mummy, and nothing will be holding him back with someone like you on his side

 

[isil]

what's his understanding like? Speech therapists can help kids make amazing progress.

 

[polaris]

You sound like a fantastic mummy and your little boy is very lucky to have you as a mummy. As you say he is still your wonderful boy even if he does have some problems. I would say though that two is very early to diagnose autism. Children can make huge progress at this age especially if you get a bit of speech therapy or whatever is needed.

 

[MadameJ]

Aw thanks for the reply's,I do all I possibly can and more for my kids and I would hate to think were being judged on our parenting.

Leo's understanding is getting better,he's just started understanding animals and animal noises,he can understand numbers and tries to repeat them and he can point to certain parts of his body.But if we ask him to bring his cup/toy/book we get a blank look as if he doesn't understand or he throws a tantrum cause he thinks he's getting into trouble.

He's clever though,he can match up colours and shapes and loves arranging things in order.

 

[Aunty E]

He sounds just like Mog - and I have to say I'm glad we don't get a two year check here. She can't really talk, doesn't generally follow simple instructions and gets frustrated very easily, but I think a lot of it stems from not talking yet. Once she can communicate more effectively with us, I think the frustration will simmer down a bit. Like you, it's obvious that she's bright, but she just hasn't made the talking leap yet. I'm not really worried about her. Now and then I get a bit concerned, normally because of something someone else has said, but I think she's just a bit lazy really. And I don't know many two year olds who are good at sharing - we know one who uses the word 'share' to mean 'give it back' and 'mine' speech therapy can't hurt of course, but we're just going to see how it plays out for a few more months.

 

[Dragonfly]

Toddlers dont normally have attention spans its something that comes later on in life. To me thats normal. Speach comes to, my son also has to see speech therepest even though everyone but the hv says he is fine. He could just be a spirited boy, I see a lot of kids put down for being spirited and they are smart kids just doing things in their own time. I think at 2 thats far to young to diagnose such things, my sister has autism and years ago it was well in to school years. The screaming my son still does, its communication soon as they get more words that calms down, dont bottle it up in them let him know his feelings are valid. He is a special boy he sounds expressive and thats a good thing for the future but make sure you and especially him can handle his feelings it will make it much easier for him in future and he will be emotionally healthy which is a really great thing.

 

[TaylorsMummyx]

Hi hun, sounds the same as my ds who was 2 lat month, iv always known somethih was wrong, he started talking at 13-14mths thenwent mute, didny make a sound until 2months ago, he can only say 6 words. He has make behaviour issues, will throw a temper tantrum like no other two year old, from 0-temper in seconds!!
ATM he's being tested for autism, he sees a speach therapist and peditrition. But I have been pushing for help since he was 1 because he's behind dvelopmently aswell, he's 6-8months behind on everything
Here if you want to talk x

 

[TaylorsMummyx]

Hi hun, sounds the same as my ds who was 2 lat month, iv always known somethih was wrong, he started talking at 13-14mths thenwent mute, didny make a sound until 2months ago, he can only say 6 words. He has make behaviour issues, will throw a temper tantrum like no other two year old, from 0-temper in seconds!!
ATM he's being tested for autism, he sees a speach therapist and peditrition. But I have been pushing for help since he was 1 because he's behind dvelopmently aswell, he's 6-8months behind on everything
Here if you want to talk x

 

[ames_x]

This sounds exactly like my LO. He's had speech therapy too. He hasn't had his 2 year check yet. Tbh I'm not overly worried anymore as he is coming along in his own time. for you

 

[MadameJ]

Thanks again for the replys.Its good to know that there are others with 2 year olds similar.I hope they'll do all their assessments n find that theres nothing the matter but you never know really.

We know he'll get there eventually its just tough when I have alot of folk around us constantly comparing their LO's to Leo.Makes me feel like Ive done something wrong.

We've now been told to do the complete ignoring of the tantrums,we do it to a certain extent but with Lexie crawling around it can't get a bit scary so we've started to remove him from the room and leaving him to calm down in his room.

Just want to make sure were doing the best for him.Ive said all along I would hate to do nothing and to discover down the line there's some real problems that could of been helped along time ago,Id rather cover all my bases first.

 

[Dragonfly]

Thanks again for the replys.Its good to know that there are others with 2 year olds similar.I hope they'll do all their assessments n find that theres nothing the matter but you never know really.

We know he'll get there eventually its just tough when I have alot of folk around us constantly comparing their LO's to Leo.Makes me feel like Ive done something wrong.

We've now been told to do the complete ignoring of the tantrums,we do it to a certain extent but with Lexie crawling around it can't get a bit scary so we've started to remove him from the room and leaving him to calm down in his room.

Just want to make sure were doing the best for him.Ive said all along I would hate to do nothing and to discover down the line there's some real problems that could of been helped along time ago,Id rather cover all my bases first.

My parents done that on my autistic sister, she got worse and worse when ignored and smashed everything up now. Dont ignore feelings remember your child is in need its a call for help not defiance, he just has to learn how to cope with his emotions so he will turn to you for help. Dont shut him off it will be easier to empathize with him now than have a really angry child in future who feels helpless and dosnt know where to turn. Sometimes it may seem small to parents what the freak out is over but in toddler terms its massive and they havnt got the skills to contain anything.

 

[RachA]

Everyone else has said such good things.

I didn't want to read and make no comment

I was talking about the whole autism spectrum thing with my brother today - he works with adults who have things like autism - some children can have very mild autism that actually doesn't impact their lives at all as long as people know how to talk to them etc

 

[keepontrying]

big hugs to you , your clearly an amazing mummy x

Firstly I would like to say that I have noted that you have a younger daughter, can I ask did you see regression / behaviour change when your daughter came along? or as she became older?

the reason I ask is as nursery manager I have seen many many children regress when a sibling enters the family, the older child can stop talking, want to be fed, held like a baby, need more attention, have tantrums etc.

With regards to his concentration span - you say he loves to arrange toys (a very very common way for young children to play yet for some reason , i think because of teh rain man film, people associate this with autism! when actually this is simply part of a childs 'problem solving reasoning and numeracy' development. I have noted that you also said he is able to match colours etc - so im thinking that your son does in fact have an attention span but only to the things that he is interested in (again competely normal!)

His temper tantrums - how bad are we talking, in my job i have seen really really bad tantrums, ones that have even shocked and concerned me (with their level of anger etc) however I must add this each child that has shown this characteristic did not have any special needs or conditions, they were simply very frustrated because they were unable to communicate their needs / wants or to accept boundaries.

Maybe your child is on the austistic spectrum, but this global term has literally hundreds of definitions and in my opinion can be banded around far to easilly - lots of people have a very limited understanding of autism and make assumptions on the conditions. I would seriously investigate autism - do you have any specialist centres near to you that austic children attend? if so call them ask to speak to the manager explain your situation and see if you could go and spend some time there. Attend some seminars, call helplines etc - speaking to adults with autism is fantastic necause they are able to vocalise in better details and understanding.

does your son have favoured activities, does he like messy play or is it that he just enjoys the sorting and matching activities - because what ever he enjoys can be incorporated into other things as a way of extending his knowledge and understanding.

Speak him through everything you do throughout each day
'mummy is putting her coat on, look - coat '
'lets put this in the bin'
where is ....

focus on the labelling words for items, using simpls single words at first then adding more in. If he makes sounds , imitate him, if he makes an action, copy him - make it a game to engage socially... when he makes a sound and you are repeating and copying each other enjoying the game, change it slightly - this will help with his language skills.

I wish you well in this, your not alone in experiencing what i see as everyday issues, ignore the people that compare... they dont matter xxxx

 

[MadameJ]

I can't thank you enough for you replies,I was starting to feel I was going a little crazy thinking Leo has these problems and I have left it too late and now things could be worse than they should be.

I don't believe he is Autistic,I believe he is quite clever for his age but is just slower in some area's so finds it hard to show us how clever he is.

And yes I have a 9 months old daughter and I too have made a connection that when Lex arrived this was the time when I started to noticed he stopped doing the things he had been learning.For and example he used to say clear as day "Bye Bye" and would wave but around the time Lex was born it was like he forgot how to do it.For awhile I just assumed its what kids do they learn something new but because they learn new stuff all the time some stuff gets forgotten.

I do hope that the HV was giving me the worst case scenario and that he is infact just a wee bit slower than the rest but if not we'll just have to troop on.It makes no difference to me,aslong as he is happy and healthy thats my main concern!!

His tantrums are nothing Ive ever seen so seem bad to me.If he kicks off its best to get outa his way cause he will kick scream bite scratch break stuff etc and he's taking it out on Lex a few times which scares me cause theres times(toilet trips) im not around them so go knows wot he could b doing to her.

We encourage him in any way we can to talk but explaining,singing,repeating and with actions but he gets angry cause he thinks hes getting into trouble.

He's not long started doodling,before he would eat the crayons and rip the paper but he enjoys it now.Same with playdough and finger painting.

 

[keepontrying]

From what you have said above - a lot of this sems pretty standard! He isonly just 2 so doesnt understand his emotions or have any ability to deal with them.

Maybe making him the big boy, geting him to help with lexi, getting him a doll, being mummies little helper could help him accept being a big brother. In terms of regressing when baby comes they tend to do this because they see the new baby getting attention and help with everything - they want that treatment, they want to be the special one, so scheduling some leo and mummy time could help, get him to help with lexi but teach him to massage her feet etc, being gentle, this way if he keep away from her face and he does get a little rough there is osme damage limitation!

Remember at every chance to give him choices, this is done cleverly so you stil get him to do what you want but he think he is in control haha

So ask him 'Leo you want books or cars?'
remeber that speech is just a tiny part of communication - body language such as eye pointing is him still making that choice and once he knows his choices will influence, this can bring on more definite ways of communicating - pointing, showing, signing, speaking.

Teaching him alternative ways of communication - simple signing will help massively, look up some baby sign or makaton on the- internet and each time you say a word you do the sign, its not something he will grasp over night but he may well naturally start to do it too.

Keep praise at a high level, for everything he does even when its not outwardly good if you know what i mean;
"wow leo look at you sitting nicely, well done"
"what a great picture"

a cheer, high five, thumbs up, a smile they all count....

when he has a tantrum what do you do?

xxx

He's not long started doodling,before he would eat the crayons and rip the paper but he enjoys it now.Same with playdough and finger painting.

again the above is very normal - babies explore with their mouths which is why every thing goes in them from the moment they are able to! Its a while before they stop and realise they can use their hands to control and do things.

 

[MadameJ]

We are going to start tying out(or do better with the stuf we already do) all your suggestions!

We actually started using some signs to see if it helped him letting us know what he was needing or what was wrong,but again he forgot these pretty quick.

With his tantrums we used to take him through to his room,explain that what he was doing was wrong and tell him to stay there till he calmed down and wed walk away.We also used the distraction alot too but that often made things worse.

We praise him whenever we possibly can,even if its a simple thing like gently putting his cup down instead of chucking it or saying thank you when giving a biscuit.

I know its gonna take some work but Im willing to do all I possibly can to help him.

Tonight's melt down was in the bath where he ended up hitting his head and got even more hysterical and was gagging/boaking on his saliva all because we asked him to sit down.I honestly think everytime we speak to him he thinks we are giving him into trouble!!

Poor mite

 

[moomoo]

I wrote a similar thread a few days ago! (can't find it at this moment) He's been referred for speech therapy now x