Ectopic- Mar. 20 :(

[Mommy2be20]

Here's my story. I was told by my gyno a few years ago that I couldn't have children easily, without the help of drugs anyways, such as Clomid. I stopped taking my birth control about 4 months ago and started having regular periods for the first time in my life, so I opted to stay off of it, as my doc said I couldn't conceive easily. Sure enough, I ended up pregnant, it was a huge surprise, but I was extremely happy. So, at 6 weeks pregnant I started having period like cramps, I'm a worry wart, so I went to emerg to get checked out and put myself at ease.
I had my blood work done, hcg levels were perfect, but they wanted me back the next morning to do an ultrasound to be sure as there were slight cramps involved. I went for my ultrasound, abdominal as well as trans-vanginal, the technician said she didn't see anything in my uterus, not even a sac and there was something 'of question' on my right side. I knew something was wrong right away, next thing I know I'm being poked and prodded, hooked up to two i.vs and signing papers. Had another ultrasound done by the gyno on call [ saw my little jellybean ], it was growing nicely and had a healthy heartbeat, but lodged in the cilia of my fallopian tube I was rushed in for emergency surgery as I was 6w and 2d along and baby had to be removed. I ended up losing the end of my tube, the doc saved as much of it as she could, but obviously it's useless anyways.
Basically, I'm not sure what happens now and what's normal to feel as this was my very first pregnancy and very well wanted. I feel a lot of anger, not towards anything or anyone specific, just in general. I also don't know when to start trying again because I absolutely would love to fall pregnant again and how long to expect it to take. I feel kind of empty right now and it's heartbreaking when I touch my tummy because I know my little one isn't there anymore It all happened so fast that it's hard to process. I'm also worried that I'm gonna feel guilty when I do become pregnant again as I might feel like I'm replacing my previous loss. If anyone could give me some insight or their personal experience, it'd be greatly appreciated !!
♥

 

[NatoPMT]

Im sorry i have little advice about when to try again, but this is something ive been thinking too:

I'm also worried that I'm gonna feel guilty when I do become pregnant again as I might feel like I'm replacing my previous loss

I think the bottom line is that you have to do whatever feels right, you have to feel this loss and not deny it, but giving this baby your commitment to grieve doesnt mean you cant do that alongside TTC again. Ive heard this a lot, but i honestly dont think they have to be exclusive of each other. They can be concurrent. Its not fair on yourself to deny what you want to do in order to grieve - the new baby will be independent of the little bean.

The anger, well, youre coming to terms with a situation here, give yourself time and youre allowed to feel whatever you need to feel.

x

 

[FarmersWife88]

Hello i am so sorry you have been through this. I went through the same as you last feb altho it was my 2nd pregnancy. I can total relate to having anger but not towards anyone or anything and struggleing to take it all in as it happened all so fast.

I had cramping pains on the sunday evening where i colapsed on the floor took pain killers putting it down to over doing it and a friends 21st party the night before i woke up feeling a lot better but still having the slightest pain so got to the doctors, totally unaware i was pregnant my doctor thought it was a cyst until i did a urine sample where she did one of those strips to check everything and did a pregnancy test just to cover all areas and it came up positive. I was then sent straight of to hospital for a scan having to call the other half away from work and i was scanned and admitted and had my operation that evening i was 8 weeks gone i lost all of my left tube. It happen all so fast all within 12 hours i found out i was pregnant and was being wheeled into theatre.

I am now currently TTC and im on CD5 of month 7, I have only felt in the last 8 months or so ready to try again and i dont feel like im replacing. I had a MC 3 months before i concieved my DD and i felt it helped as it gave me something possitive to focus on rather that dewlling on what could of been and my DD was born a year to the day i had my MC. I was a few months short of 21 when i had my eptopic which really hit me and having a someone who lived down the road from me who was as far gone as me made dealling and moving on extreamily hard for me.

I hope that this has helped you, you are not alone.

If you wish to ask me any other questions then feel free. I wish i had found a forum after my loss to find and talk to someone about what i had been through and just to know i wasnt alone.

(((((Hugs)))))

Char