Ejaculation probs...TMI...ready to cry!!

[mercedes2010]

I debated for a few days putting this up but here goes. I just need to hear from others in this same boat and what, if any, solutions there may be. Long story short, my DF is having problems ejaculating. No probs getting erect, just ejaculating. Obviously our TTC efforts are dead in the water if he can't finish! Beyond the TTC I'm here feeling like I'm not sexy enough or my sex techniques aren't good enough to get him off. Sorry if TMI but, damn, I'm so depressed!!! He says it's his brain...that he get to "thinking" and it disturbs his ability to get off. I was flabbergasted! I asked him if he's having doubts about having a baby and he says no but I stopped short of pointing out that we can't conceive if he doesn't let go and finish. I feel so inadequate, especially since I suspect he'd have no problem doing it solo. I just want to cry and bang my head into a wall..fml. He says it's mental not physical, so that makes me feel like I'm not doing something right in the bedroom. Have any of you ever experienced this or am I the unlucky one.

 

[red_head]

My husband went through a period of this, and it was mainly some medication he was on, but even after he stopped taking it, where he was so worried about it he then couldn’t get off anyway. I know how shitty it makes you feel believe me, even though he constantly reassured me. I felt so unattractive and useless and it really affected both of us. It is nothing you are doing at all, honestly - when he says it’s mental it’s more the pressure of having to make a baby than anything else (or it was for my hubby). But you do get in this vicious cycle of both feeling down and then feeding each other’s stress. Maybe do some things together that can’t get you pregnant - oral or get him to cum on you rather than in you, or even anal play (both ways) for a while until you can relax back into it. But I would talk to him first - find out how he’s feeling, whether he just needs a break, whether he wants you to initiate things or not, and make sure he knows you aren’t upset or angry and that you love him (which I’m sure you have anyway).
Even if you have to miss a month, in a few weeks I’m sure if it’s what you both want things will get back to normal. It’s such a stressful time. They do say anyone who thinks trying to get pregnant is fun, hasn’t had to try to get pregnant!
Good luck!

 

[mercedes2010]

My husband went through a period of this, and it was mainly some medication he was on, but even after he stopped taking it, where he was so worried about it he then couldn’t get off anyway. I know how shitty it makes you feel believe me, even though he constantly reassured me. I felt so unattractive and useless and it really affected both of us. It is nothing you are doing at all, honestly - when he says it’s mental it’s more the pressure of having to make a baby than anything else (or it was for my hubby). But you do get in this vicious cycle of both feeling down and then feeding each other’s stress. Maybe do some things together that can’t get you pregnant - oral or get him to cum on you rather than in you, or even anal play (both ways) for a while until you can relax back into it. But I would talk to him first - find out how he’s feeling, whether he just needs a break, whether he wants you to initiate things or not, and make sure he knows you aren’t upset or angry and that you love him (which I’m sure you have anyway).
Even if you have to miss a month, in a few weeks I’m sure if it’s what you both want things will get back to normal. It’s such a stressful time. They do say anyone who thinks trying to get pregnant is fun, hasn’t had to try to get pregnant!
Good luck!

Thanks for the kind words and encouragement.

We've been trying so hard to not let it become a chore, having sex on non-O days, messing around with non-intercourse stuff when AF is here, trying new positions, and using toys and enhancements, even some kink and just not doing ANYTHING for a while to let the excitement build. And it's been fun. But of the three times we had sex during O week, he only came once. At this point I'm not even worried about being pregnant this month; I'm worried about the future him not reaching completion. He doesn't seem bothered at all! I don't say anything about it to him, he tends to bring it up himself in the form of an awkward apology and then that's that. When he does that I tell him not to be sorry but ask if it's something I'm doing wrong.
I do agree with him that it's mental. Obviously he does ejac sometimes. I think that's what bothers me most: I know he's functional but it's like I don't turn him on. As for the oral, he has only gotten of once that way with me. He says he doesn't like coming in a woman's mouth (he must be in the minority, right?). Honestly either I'm not doing it for him or he IS having doubts about TTC and he's not telling me.
I'm just about at wit's end.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

What about maca root or another supplement/herb?

 

[Cewsbaby]

Honestly, my husband is the same way. It takes so long for him to finish that there are many many many times I have to stop because I am so dry and sore because its been so long. I kid you not, our seasons last an hour or more most of the time and its really not enjoyable. I like to get in and get it done. Lol. It really makes me not want to have sex because of this.

 

[elek87]

I am so glad that i can actually relate I am in the same boat too, I search about it and have recommended that he see a Dr even though I know he might not do it now but he going to a Dr for fertility issues so I hope the blood test that comes back has a diagnosis because google and my GYNAE said that its might be his hormones imbalance or low hormones something like that especially I met him being this way. There nothing I haven't tried, he doesn't have kids at age 39 according to Semen analysis it was found that he has a low sperm count due to motility. I am also struggling with PCOS I don't have kids too at age 33. I just told him if the Dr is not helping us in two months we will have to visit RE for IUI and IVF at least there not much sperm needed. He has his days where he ejaculated after 30 minutes or an hour or he doesn't ejaculate at all. As he does sometimes ejaculate we will have to use that one for conceiving. I was little bit stressed this cycle because I tested I find out I was ovulating and we had sex but he ejaculated once which I still feel it was not enough to ejaculate one time even though I cannot stop to be hopeful that its might take lol. The struggle is really.

 

[J_and_D]

Hubby has the same issue. Could go for HOURS.... we were having trouble conceiving cuz of it. He had to stop all "self love" for looks 2 months. Fixed the problem for us. Just a suggestion

 

[StrawBerry2]

Hey hun, also just something else to consider. When men work out - as in exercise, doing weights etc... I increases their sex drive. Hope this helps. All the best ttc. xXx