email

Discussion in 'Single Parents' started by teal, Dec 15, 2009.

  1. teal

    teal Well-Known Member

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    For those of you who don't know the story - my ex ended things when I refused to have a termination back in June. I've not spoken to him since I was 4 weeks pregnant. We exchanged some messages in August when I was around 12 weeks with him basically reminding me that I've ruined his life and it's unfair what I'm doing to him (by having the baby) :growlmad:

    That was the last I'd heard from him until the week before last.

    He sent me an email saying that he had a new bebo account. At first I thought this was just an automated email but it came from his email address and he sent it to my 2 email accounts.

    I ignored them at first but when I received more I emailed him. I just said that I received his friend requests/emails but reminded him that when he said he doesn't want to be involved I was fine with it but it meant he couldn't contact me whenever he has nothing better to do. I asked if this was still the case and if it was I'd appreciate it if he didn't send me emails about social websites.

    I received a reply from him saying he needs to know how I am. He also said he needs to know if I went ahead with the pregnancy and if I've had it. (he really did say it) He added at the end that once I tell him he'll leave me alone and never contact me again :nope:

    I'm just confused and angry. He knows fine well that I kept the baby. I also have no idea what to make of him saying he'll leave me alone once I tell him. Does that mean if I don't answer him he'll keep emailing me? Why does it matter to him if he still doesn't want to be involved.

    I've not emailed back and I'm not sure if I will. He still doesn't want to be apart of my babys life and I really can't deal with him popping up every few months for no reason whatsoever. I know it's only an email but it really gets to me having to see his name. :cry:
     
  2. nievesmama

    nievesmama Proud mum of 3 xx

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    Aww huge hugs hun.
    I dont know what to say, but i think if it was me id ignore him to. He cant say what he has and expect you to be ok with him.
    xx
     
  3. lou_w34

    lou_w34 mummy <3

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    If he still doesnt want to be involved either way, then why does he care so much??
    I wouldnt bother emailing him back, unless he shows some commitment to you and the baby.

    Men!

    xx
     
  4. purpledahlia

    purpledahlia Mummy

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    I would just say to him, you made it clear you want no part of whatever i do, so why do you want to know these things? lets just leave it how you wanted it.

    then dont reply,
     
  5. teal

    teal Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the replies girls. I appreciate them :flower:
     
  6. Lucy&Pard

    Lucy&Pard Well-Known Member

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    If he doesnt want to be involved at all then why does he 'need' to know? Sod that ignor him completly dont respond at all to anything unless he turns up at your house armed with the best reason in the world as to why he abandoned you. That just my opinion sorry got cross! Guess you've seen his true colours.
     
  7. tinkabells

    tinkabells Well-Known Member

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    I wouldnt email back, i would block him from sending you emails, but i know it can be hard not replying when your blood is boiling, but have a think before you reply if you do xxx
     
  8. louise85

    louise85 Well-Known Member

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    He doesn't need to know anything, HE was the 1 that decided months ago he didn't want to be involved, the only reason he would need to know is if he's gonna be there for the baby from now on.

    Their conscience gets the better of them in the end, it will be at the back of his mind for the rest of his life, he's got to deal with that not you.

    :hugs:
     
  9. teal

    teal Well-Known Member

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    Thanks girls :flower:
    I think I'm going to leave it just now and see if he does ask about the baby. Now that he's made contact after how many months he'll probably disappear until he has nothing better to do again.
     
  10. teal

    teal Well-Known Member

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    I had two more emails from him. One on the 16th and one yesterday. Pretty much having a go at me for not replying :growlmad: He said it's important that he knows how I am. The one yesterday said I can't ignore him and he's going to keep emailing me until I reply.

    To start with I didn't even read them until this morning. I was admitted to hospital on Wednesday afternoon and kept over night until I was discharged yesterday afternoon. I felt a gush of fluid and they wanted to check I wasn't leaking amniotic fluid. They had me hooked up to a monitor for 30 mins on Wenesday night and again Thursday morning to check heart rate and movements but it was fine. After a scan which showed the fluid around my baby was fine and an internal exam confirming my cervix ws closed they let me go. The consultant couldn't tell where the fluid was coming from but took swabs to check for any infections. I'm only 30 weeks so I was terrified.

    So that was why I didn't see his email.

    I feel like he is trying to push me into replying to him and I feel sick at the thought he might start calling/texting me (although that would mean he would have to tell me his number and after he went to the bother of changing it I'm hoping he won't). I honestly have nothing to say to him. He wanted to know how I was and if I went ahead with the pregnancy - he knows I was keeping the baby and how I'm doing has nothing to do with him. It would be different if he was asking how the baby was and if he was now wanting to get involved but he's not. He's said he'll leave me alone once I answer but I don't want to go down the road where he thinks it's ok to contact me when it doesn't involve the baby he has walked away from. :cry:
     
  11. broody_mama

    broody_mama Well-Known Member

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    Just send a short but sweet email saying "You said it was my choice and left saying you wanted nothing to do with the baby. Not that it concerns you but yes I am pregnant. If you want to be involved tell me now but you cannot turn up in a few years time and upset my child and their routine etc. If you continue to harrass me I shall call the police. Leave me alone."

    If he continues to message you etc, callt he police. He chose not to be involved, why does he want to know how you are? It has fuck all to do with him.
     
  12. tiggercats

    tiggercats Guest

    :hugs: firstly please just block his email address, then you don't have to worry about him repeatedly emailing you which is clearly making you stressed/upset. It is a bit late for him to start caring about how you are now, as you said it might be different if he was asking about LO and wants to be involved. You need to look after yourself and the LO. I hope you are feeling better after your hospital trip and you can get lots of rest.
     
  13. suzanne108

    suzanne108 Well-Known Member

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    :hugs:

    I'd reply something along the lines of:

    I didn't reply to your email as I don't check them everyday. I am fine, I am 30 weeks pregnant now and looking forward to my babys arrival.

    I would literally just leave it at that....unless you add "drop dead" onto the end :haha:

    :hugs: I hope you're OK after your hospital visit.....this with FOB is the last thing you need. Hopefully he'll stick to his word and not contact you again. xxx
     
  14. Shireena__x

    Shireena__x In My Own Little World

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  15. teal

    teal Well-Known Member

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    I really don't know what to do at the moment.

    I mentioned in louise85's thread that my ex has emailed me again. He emailed me on Christmas day saying that he wanted to get back together - that really gave me a laugh. I only had a chance to check my email later on the 26th but because I didn't reply right away I had three other emails saying I better reply to him.. It's bad enough he randomly emails but it feels threatening when I get all these emails within hours of each other telling me I can't ignore him etc..

    There was still no mention of the baby. He hasn't asked how far along I am. He hasn't asked if I know the sex. He hasn't asked if I have everything ready. He hasn't even asked when the baby is due.

    I replied to him and explained that I didn't want to be with him (and explained why). I also mentioned that he hasn't even bothered to ask about the baby. I did say I wouldn't stop him if he wanted to be involved and if that was the case I would email him after I had the baby and we could take it from there.

    In his reply he still didn't acknowledge that I'm having a baby. Instead he went on about how we have to be together :dohh:

    I told him three times I didn't want to be with him and I said to him not to email me again unless he is specifically asking about the baby. When he replied again saying he will do anything to make sure we are together I didn't reply. I then received another email saying had better call him - he obviously has forgotton he changed his phone number so I couldn't contact him. I hadn't had a chance to check my emails when he sent another one saying he wanted to meet up and that I can't shut him out.

    I think by this point I was really angry but getting really upset because I felt like he was being threatening and trying to push me into doing what he wants after all these months of nothing.

    After that last email I replied again to say I didn't want to speak to him just now and I didn't want to see him. Again I offered to let him know when the baby was born.

    His last email was telling me he will be at the birth because it's his right to be. :growlmad:

    I'm probably not making any sense :nope: I just feel really wound up and confused like he is just trying to mess with my head. I thought I was being fair in letting him know when the baby is born. Now I just feel really anxious that he is going to start throwing around his rights and try to take my baby away - which my mums tried telling me won't happen but I just feel a mess just now. I don't imagine all the hormones are helping! At my 32 week appointment on Wednesday my blood pressure was up and I imagine this is why.

    I wish I hadn't replied to his email. I want to just delete the account and change my number and be done with him but I know I have to think about what's best for my baby and make sure I do all I can with regards to his father. :cry:

    I appreciate it if you read all this - I imagine I went on a bit :(
     
  16. lou_w34

    lou_w34 mummy <3

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    First of all you were more than fair to him :hugs:
    He's just being a tit, he has no right what so ever to be at the birth, and tell him that. Say as far as you knew, he didnt want to be involved and you therefore made other arrangments for the birth and are having you friend/mum/whoever there. And its completly his own fault and he will just have to deal with that.

    If you dont want to talk to him, just block his email address, and tell him that he is going to be blocked untill baby is born, and since he changed his number and didnt tell you its his own bloody fault he cant contact you.

    Id also tell him that you dont appreciate his behaviour and feel threatened by him, and will have no choice but to go to the police and report him (you dont have to, but just to scare him a bit :haha:)

    I feel mad for you!
    Hope you feel better :flower:
     
  17. louise85

    louise85 Well-Known Member

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    They have to rear their ugly head when things are going well don't they!! :nope:

    It sounds to me like he's still in denial about the baby, I mean not mentioning LO after you've told him numerous times thats all your interested in talking to him aboutor maybe he's just being an idiot!

    Just remind him you don't have to do anything, he decided he didn't want to be part of your pregnancy from day one so he can't start throwing his rights around now (not that he even has any, really)

    Hope you feel better soon! :hugs:
     
  18. sweetlullaby

    sweetlullaby Well-Known Member

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    Hun. You're 32 weeks pregnant. He is harrassing and threatening you. You do not need this. Take a print out of all the emails down to your local police station and they will either give him a caution or give you advice. Or go to your closest Citizens advice bureau and take a copy of the emails and show them. They can advise you on what to do or what not to do etc. This kind of stress and hassle can make you feel awful and can affect the last few weeks or your pregnancy. I had the last few weeks of my pregnancy ruined because of FOB. Even just after Matthew was born when i first took him out i couldnt enjoy it because i was constantly looking over my shoulder and felt like i was being watched. The first night i took him out to Tesco's I started getting harrassed by FOB n his mother the next day because someone in tescos seen me with Matthew :( Even now i still watch the cars around us and am constantly watching strange cars that have been sitting in our street. its horrible and i wish i had of went to the police or sought advice on getting a no contact order or something put in place so that FOB would leave me alone. Every time my phone goes i fill with a sense of dread in case its him.

    And i hate it. I hate FOB and the shit and grief he's put me through. Im currently waiting on probably getting a solicitors letter through the door or something stupid. He treats my son like a possession and its all about what he wants. His threats have had me starting to have nightmares. I couldnt sleep properly last night because i had a nightmare that he told someone he was going to "get" matthew and i spent the whole night wondering if id dreamt it or it had actually happened and kept waking with a jump and checking that matthew was still beside me in his moses basket! You do your best to be strong but it just gets to you sometimes.

    Im sorry i kind of ranted a bit :blush: just im hating the fact that im letting FOB get to me!
     
  19. teal

    teal Well-Known Member

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    Thank you so much for the replies :flower: I really appreciate everyones advice.

    sweetlullaby I'm sorry to hear how much hassle your ex is giving you - sending you huge hugs :hugs: I hate the fact mine can still get to me so much.
     
  20. sweetlullaby

    sweetlullaby Well-Known Member

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    thanks teal :hugs:

    seen fob ex gf today she served me in boots buying LO lots of little treats she kept trying to peer into the pram and i turned it away and pulled the hood over so she couldnt see in :haha: i know it was bitchy but boy did it make me feel good!lol especially coz she'll text fob and say she seen me and she'll be like no i didnt see matthew the only thing she'll be able to say is that i was buying baby stuff :haha:

    fob gets to us all sometimes no matter how strong we are. They're asses! Its happy new year to us and hope fob's have a hellish year! lol
     

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