emotional wreck!!!

[Blu10]

Hi Ladies

I really cant believe Im writing this but dont know what else to do. Hubby and I conceived first month last month got bfp on 28th Feb then miscarried yesterday at 5 weeks. What a horrible experience. I feel so empty and lost and just keep crying at nothing. Hubby doesnt really understand as he says it wasn't a 'baby' yet and we can try again but I just wanna scream it was my baby and its my body going through this crap! I just dont think I can face trying again and having another miscarriage and really hoped hubby would be more supportive. How have other ladies's partners been after a mc? and did you start trying again straight away? Im terrified of this happeneing again

 

[selina3127]

hunni, my partner was exactly the same and i was 10 weeks gone!!! men just don't get it at all, i had my mc in november and started trying again after first period because i had a dnc, and we are still trying not giving up hope so chin up hun everyone on here are really supportive so if you need a rant we are here xxxx

 

[TripleB]

So sorry for your loss Blu, its a rough old time but you're in very good company here.

My hubby said the same thing when we discovered at 12 weeks that our bean hadn't grown beyond 6 weeks - that it wasn't a baby yet. I was very upset by the comment and questioned him on it. I realised that it was just his way of dealing with it, to try and play down the loss. Some women have the same reaction. Personally I was the same as you - completely grief-stricken with an overwhelming sense of emptiness. Its an incredibly hard thing to go through physically and emotionally. I'm sure your hubby's biggest concern is you hence the "we can try again" attempt at reassurance. He is right of course, you will try again and get your longed-for baby but you have the other more raw issues to deal with at the moment. It will get better hun but you just need to take good care of yourself and grieve in your own way. When you're ready to try again, we'll all be here for you! x

 

[Mummytofour]

Hi hunni, so sorry for your loss

Men are funny creatures aren't they? Its not that they don't get it, they just process things differently to us ladies.

I must have a one in a million DH or maybe just one thats totally in touch with his feminine side! LOL!

I had a MMC in Oct 09 at 11 weeks but deep inside, I just "knew" something wasn't right from the very beginning? My DH wasn't worried and kept saying "it will be fine, why should this pregnancy be any different from the others etc"
I think I had already accepted the loss prior to my scan, but my DH was completely devastated. He cried and moped about for a couple of weeks and even though he held me during the worst of the natural MC and saw things I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, he is now totally commited and supportive of trying again.

We all cope in different ways, none better or worse than each other. But as long as you are strong together eventually, it will result in a sticky bean!
GL and big

 

[hb1]

Hi Blu

So sorry you're going through this - it's really a terrible thing to have to suffer and you def need a lot of support.

I mc at 7-8 weeks. My oh was lovely - we had already started referring to our baby as "the prawn" so I think he had become quite emotionally attached to our little prawn. He was very supportive - had a moment when he said I should be getting over it but as soon as I told him there was no way he just went back to being there for me.

Everyone deals with it differently - your oh may just deal with things "his way".

Best wishes

hx

 

[fluffyblue]

Hey hun, having had so many losses hubby doesnt get involved now until we are past a certain stage and as we havent got their with the last two losses its non plus !

What I will say is his concern for me is the good thing, he seems to support me quite well.

On my 3rd miscarriage we got emotionally attached because we saw bean 3 times on a scan and saw heartbeat 3 times as well, we made plans started our Mothercare nursery plan and told people, so we were both heartbroken as you can imagine.

Now each month its referred to as "it" its a bit cold but you get used to the heartbreak and your emotions become cold.


The only wobble we have had through all this is when I became a physcopath in ttc after mc number 3, I was literally chaining him to the bed (well not actually) but he became quite contradictory and unsupportive. I suppose in a way I hadnt allowed him to grieve properly.

I think your hubby is probably feeling sad but as the other girls have said its harder for us women becuase we carry all the hormonal attachement as well. Men have to have it second hand - doesnt mean it doesnt hurt they just react different ways.

So no in a nutshell he is no different than alot of our other halves !

So sorry for your loss to hunni xxx

 

[Firedancer41]

Very sorry for your loss Blu.

 

[peggy]

Hi,

I had a MMC at 12 weeks, baby stopped growing at about 8. Just wanted to say that my OH reacted in much the same way as yours, saying we can try again, that it obviously wasn't meant to be and that it wasn't really a baby yet (even though had seen heartbeat!). After much pent up anger I eventually got it all off my chest and asked him how he could possibly say that as it was our baby. He told me that it was his way off coping with it without being a complete wreck about it all. He still tried to support me as best he could though. After thinking about it, I decided that if that was his way of dealing with it, then fine. And to be honest, I think him being really upset about it would have made me feel worse. My best friend who has had a similar experience was a great help for me.

xxx

 

[Ten]

and so sorry for your loss. I thought I was going to lose my DD at 5w... she hung on, but we ended up losing her at 32 instead. I can tell you that the grief feels exactly the same.

At 5w my DH was very calm and "well, if we lose it, it wasn't meant to be, and we'll just try again" - at 32 he was devastated. I think maybe they just don't process things the same... the baby is still an abstract concept because they can't see it or feel its effects on their body. He didn't really get attached until he heard the heartbeat.

I doubt he's being intentionally cruel - he maybe just really doesn't get what you're going through. (This board is wonderful and has lots of supportive ladies, though!!)