"Ethics" of just one or two...?

[dizzy duck]

I know how important siblings are but unfortunately in our situation we will only be having this little man. Im disabled and when he is one Im having my leg amputated. This along with all our problems and time to conceive and our ages its just not possible to have a second. Im now scared I may harm my child because of this, it would be fantastic to give him a sibling but its just not possible. We had always said we wanted 2 but things happen. I don't think anyone should be told to limit the number of children they have as long as they can provide for them. Great thread, take care XX

 

[MissyMojo]

im the eldest of 5 and definatley found that odd numbers equals fightin and odd one out problems

ideally i'd like 4, but what we're doing is,
having 2 close together bout 18-24 months apart and then waiting 5 or 6 years and deciding if we still want/can afford another 2,

 

[Caramel]

I definitely want more than one - I have a sister so couldn't imagine being an only child. In an ideal world I'd love two biologically, then once they're a little older (youngest five or older) I'd like to adopt another. It would mean a lot to me to be able to give a home to a child who needs one. In all likelihood though I can only see us having two biological children. I've read up on adoption and I know they ideally prefer the adopted child to have a room of their own and I don't know if we'd be able to afford a house where that would be possible. That wouldn't stop me trying though. I would perhaps consider having just one biological child and then adopting but I guess it would depend on how I feel after this one comes along - I may have a strong maternal urge to have another. DH has also said he'd definitely want two biological children before considering adoption.

 

[Mynx]

I had a daughter by from a horrific relationship 17 years ago. We split up when she was 2 because of his violence and his mental bullying. When we did split up I decided that I didnt want to have any more kids cos I didnt want to be bringing up more kiddies on my own. One was hard enough! I was in another relationship for 11 years after that but he was scared of commitment and I eventually got fed up with waiting for our relationship to progress so we split. I didnt want children with him either.
When I got together with my current OH, we discussed having kids. He has Multiple Sclerosis and while it doesnt normally run in families, it can have a tendency to do so and 4 other members of his family have it too (including his mum) so we decided that we wouldnt take the chance of perhaps passing on this disease. I even booked myself in for a sterlilization op and then got the confirmation date etc but I bottled out. I couldnt bring myself to destroy my own fertility just like that, and he didnt want to get a vasectomy just yet either. So we carried on being careful etc.
Then I found out I'm pregnant nearly 5 weeks ago. OUCHIE! I cried. We cried. We talked. We cried some more. We even talked about abortion. For a full 24 hours we were certain we were going to abort. But it didnt sit right with either of us. We were still crying and trying to convince ourselves it was the right thing to do. It didnt feel like a weight had been lifted off our shoulders or anything like that. So the next morning I woke up and sat up in bed and said to him "I cant do it" and he knew straight away what I meant. He said that he understood and he felt the same. He would feel too guilty if we went ahead with an abortion. From then on, it felt like a weight had been lifted. He's terrified, dont get me wrong! He's gonna be moving in with us soon and we're gonna be getting engaged. It's alot of comittment happeneing in a short space of time and it's scary for both of us!
I'm also terrified as I feel like I'm starting all over again heh, but we're so excited to be having this baby. For us this was the right decision, kind of like fate but tbh, we wont be having any more after this one! OH will be getting the snip, he's adamant on that one now

Ooo sorry about the essay!

 

[Jelly Bean]

There's no question that if we were purely rational, all secular governments would have long ago put legal limits on the number of children families can have due to population overexpansion.

The major issue I have with the idea of population control is that following its logic - in a world as overpopulated as ours - having only one or two children as opposed three is not any better. If every man and woman was limited to having only two chidren, for example, that'd mean theoretically that they human race would be permitted to reproduce itself by at least 100%. If every couple were permitted three children, that'd mean a possible increase of 150%. There's almost nil difference between the magnitude of 100 and 150%, if you see my point. So my thoughts on this is that any kind of population control would eventually lead to a no children rule for at least a small period of time, depending on the world economy. Slippery slope, in other words.

And a world where families aren't allowed to grow...well. Can you imagine a society where people are going slowly crazy not being able to have babies if they wanted them? It wouldn't thrive. I have a three week old and I seriously can't understand how I even functioned without him in my life. And I don't think I could have filled that void with adoption alone (which I imagine would be de rigueur in a population-controlled world), I needed to experience the whole process of him growing inside of me and being my own flesh and blood.

Also: the solution for overpopulation problems isn't less babies, it's governments being ethical, harnessing resources reponsibly and taking care of the sectors that need help.

To answer the other part of the OP, I'm thinking of Luciano being an only child. I was one myself and reaped the benefits. Plus I'm going to be an MD so I know I won't have enough time to devote to more than one kid.

 

[Jelly Bean]

I had a daughter by from a horrific relationship 17 years ago. We split up when she was 2 because of his violence and his mental bullying. When we did split up I decided that I didnt want to have any more kids cos I didnt want to be bringing up more kiddies on my own. One was hard enough! I was in another relationship for 11 years after that but he was scared of commitment and I eventually got fed up with waiting for our relationship to progress so we split. I didnt want children with him either.
When I got together with my current OH, we discussed having kids. He has Multiple Sclerosis and while it doesnt normally run in families, it can have a tendency to do so and 4 other members of his family have it too (including his mum) so we decided that we wouldnt take the chance of perhaps passing on this disease. I even booked myself in for a sterlilization op and then got the confirmation date etc but I bottled out. I couldnt bring myself to destroy my own fertility just like that, and he didnt want to get a vasectomy just yet either. So we carried on being careful etc.
Then I found out I'm pregnant nearly 5 weeks ago. OUCHIE! I cried. We cried. We talked. We cried some more. We even talked about abortion. For a full 24 hours we were certain we were going to abort. But it didnt sit right with either of us. We were still crying and trying to convince ourselves it was the right thing to do. It didnt feel like a weight had been lifted off our shoulders or anything like that. So the next morning I woke up and sat up in bed and said to him "I cant do it" and he knew straight away what I meant. He said that he understood and he felt the same. He would feel too guilty if we went ahead with an abortion. From then on, it felt like a weight had been lifted. He's terrified, dont get me wrong! He's gonna be moving in with us soon and we're gonna be getting engaged. It's alot of comittment happeneing in a short space of time and it's scary for both of us!
I'm also terrified as I feel like I'm starting all over again heh, but we're so excited to be having this baby. For us this was the right decision, kind of like fate but tbh, we wont be having any more after this one! OH will be getting the snip, he's adamant on that one now

Ooo sorry about the essay!

Thank you for posting this, I wish you the best.

 

[JayDee]

I don't really mind how many kids people want to have, some will not have any, some will have lots, it'll even out in the end. If you want them, and can afford to support them then go for it!

Personally, I don't really want more than 2 but that's just me (sounds like too much hard work!)

 

[djgirl1976]

Well, I would have loved a family of 4, like I came from, but since I waited till now to start, 2 sounds like a good number to me. If there is just one, so be it, but 2 would be great, since I am very close to my sister and would like my child to have that experience.