Ever wonder about this?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by aley28, Jun 7, 2011.

  1. aley28

    aley28 2 boys & a girl <3

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    I am one of many, many women who say we really don't care what gender of baby we're having, we just want it to be healthy. I know its what everybody says, because it would be horrible to say, "I really want a girl. And, honestly, if it is a boy, I am not going to love it."

    But do you ever wonder if people think that?

    The most honest things I've heard so far is from some women who have a couple of one gender or the other, and say "We're learning the gender so that my husband and I have the chance to adjust to the idea of having yet another boy/girl, if that's what it is." I think that's honest, and I'm glad that people can be that honest both with themselves and with the rest of the world.

    My MIL keeps going on about how badly she wants a granddaughter (which is a huge rant all on its own, LOL!)... and I can't help but wonder if she's saying, "I won't care about this baby if its a boy." She went on about it with my son, too, and she clearly adores my son... but he was her first grandbaby. I know she's petty enough to do something like that, and I have overthought it so much that I'm making myself worried that she won't love our second baby if its a boy!

    I really don't have a gender preference for this baby. After a devastating miscarriage... all I can think about in this pregnancy is how badly I WANT this baby. I can't imagine being upset about the sex of the baby.:shrug:

    Anyway. Sorry for the essay... just something that has been going through my mind all day. I know some people really want a daughter or a son... but it just upsets me that my MIL has to be one of those people who is so vocal about how much she wants a granddaughter. :nope: Like, isn't my son so sweet that having a second of him would be just as thrilling? Why does it matter what sex it is?
     
  2. ahcigar1

    ahcigar1 Happy Mother of 1

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    Both my husband and I were honestly hoping for a girl and when we found out that we were having one we were exstatic. But we would have been just as happy if it had been a boy too. That is what my thoughts were the whole time and was honest about them. I don't see anything wrong in hoping one or the other as long as still love baby just as much one way or the other.
     
  3. hayley x

    hayley x 1AngelSon,1EarthDaughter

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    :( I know its different but before we knew the gender of this baby Hubbys nan said 'we hope this ones a boy' it made me feel rotten, I'm not sure on their reasonings but we have a boy, he's just not here on Earth.

    In all honesty my first 2 babies I 100% didnt care on the sex, but this baby I so desperately wanted to be a boy. Its our last baby and the need to see a son grow up is so strong. Having another son will make our lives feel more normal. That being said, another girl would be absolutely amazing, we wouldnt have been sad for the daughter we had, more sad for the *hopefully* live son we'd never have. does that make sense at all?

    She shouldnt make her feelings known when theres nothing you can do, its like shes pressuring you into giving her a girl when its 50/50 and out of your control :hugs: x
     
  4. letshaveababy

    letshaveababy Mommy of 4!!

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    I'm one of those people that tell everyone "I don't care what it is, as long as it's healthy".... lol

    Now in saying that, I do REALLY want another little girl. Not that I won't love another son, but I just want to dress her up and do her hair and buy little pink outfits. I will not be upset, or cry, or be depressed or anything else if we find out we're having a boy, though!!
     
  5. HappiestMom

    HappiestMom Spcl Nds Girl + twn boys + girl

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    I always pictured myself with a girl or girls...and right from the start I just knew this was a girl..and I was right..and we were sooooooo happy...hubby gets all teary now whenever we see cute little girls lol..he would have loved a son of course...what guy wouldnt..and I had also prepared myself for having a boy and knew I would love him too but I admit I am super super happy to be having my little girl that I always dreamed of...
     
  6. jacks mummy

    jacks mummy Well-Known Member

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    my mil was the same hun and made me feel like i would dissapoint her if i had another boy! she even called her a she and called her granddaughter before we found out the sex!!!! she has 2 grandsons my son and her daughters son and i just used to feel like screaming at her when she said it. i used to lay there on a night wondering if people would love the baby less if he was a boy... but shes a girl so i didnt have to go thru that but i think its awful that people put so much pressure on a pregnant women for something that is OUT OF OUR CONTROL!! good luck anyway hun whatever u get xx
     
  7. Ol1vertwist

    Ol1vertwist Well-Known Member

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    I am pretty sure we are having a boy and I do get annoyed when my OH says 'my mother would love it if you had a girl' as their family is very male oriented. It's not like I can do anything about it even if I wanted too. Also my friend said she wants me to have a girl. All I know is I am happy either way and I love him or her so much already.
     
  8. torch2010

    torch2010 Well-Known Member

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    On my first I really wanted a boy, I come from a family of girls and if I am honest I was gutted that I was having a girl but I wouldn't change her for the world. Again on my 2nd I was hoping for a boy again, got my wish. Sadly he passed away when I was 25+5 weeks. Now on this one I was hoping for another girl, I think having a boy would have been difficult after Cai died. I was worried I would either reject him in case I lost him too or be really over protective. We are having a girl, however, we really couldn't care as long as our baby enters the world healthy. I personally don't think its wrong to have a preference, I don't love my daughter less because she is a girl
     
  9. Wind

    Wind Well-Known Member

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    I can honestly say I'll be happy with the gender of the babies no matter what they are. Not everybody is though, and that is their situation to come to terms with.

    The last time I was at my doctor's office, a woman came out right before I went in. She had just had an ultrasound and found out her 2nd child was going to be another son. She was sobbing. She had really wanted a girl. Do I understand this mentality? No. Am I going to judge her for it? Absolutely not. I have no idea what goes on in that woman's life or mind. I have no clue why it was so important to her to have a daughter, but I don't need to know.
     
  10. Maman

    Maman Guest

    my 13 year old sister and my 3 year old son are absolutely gutted thast its a boy. It took me so long to conceive and so much heartache and a miscarriage that i couldnt have given a damn, and ive had 4 scans and i still cant relax and accept im pregnant and all is ok and i wont till its here in my arms, or more to the point in my husbands arms and were together as a family. for me how my kid goes to the toilet makes no difference iyswim. im not majorly in to gender specific colours and i couldnt give a damn wether im playing cars or dolls.
     
  11. Blah11

    Blah11 ☼ Mummy to Amelie ☼

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    I don't understand gender preference either tbh. I honestly don't care if this baby is another girl or a little boy. It would be nice to have one of each I suppose but I'd be equally happy with another little girly :shrug:
     
  12. fides

    fides Well-Known Member

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    My FIL is kind of like your MIL, but he wants ours to be yet another grandson for him. He's always saying things like, "How's my grandson doing?" and "Have you felt my grandson kick yet?" Drives me nuts. I'm like, what are you going to say if it turns out to be a girl?!

    personally, i'm like you in just really, really wanting this baby (our 1st was a m/c).
     
  13. lesleyann

    lesleyann Mummy

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    Im not fussed really if my bubba is a boy or girl i just want him/her here safely after the first months of this year.. However i do want to know the gender before, i would love a little girl just because i would have 1 of each just incase this is my last however i would also love for my son to have a little brother.
     
  14. AngelBunny

    AngelBunny George's Mummy

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    my OH was one of those people that said 'i don't care what gender it is as long as it's healthy' and then as soon as we had our gender scan & found out we're having a boy he said 'i have to admit i was preparing myself for a girl because i wanted a boy so much' hehe. i was hoping for a boy because i just 'felt' he was a boy and had imagined him as a boy and called him 'he' since we found out he existed. of course had he been a she we would have been on :cloud9: about that too. i think it's perfectly normal to have a gender preference, and also perfectly normal not to xx
     
  15. shortie1990

    shortie1990 Mummy to two under 2 :)

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    My first I was secretly hoping for a girl, but obviously wanted a healthy baby! when we found out he was a boy, for a split second, I thought..'oh..' but looked at OHs face who looked lime he was about to cry, and was instantly overjoyed!

    This time, I'd love a girl, but I know how much I love my baby boy, so wouldn't be disappointed in the slightest! I know it will be mch much easier for a second boy as they can share things etc and will play better together

    But yeh, I genuinely don't have a preference this time
     
  16. aley28

    aley28 2 boys & a girl <3

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    I know the gender preference. I was hoping desperately that my son was a girl. I knew in my heart that he wasn't, and told everybody as much the day before our gender scan. I wasn't surprised or disappointed that we were having a boy. I was overjoyed! I can't remember why I wanted a girl so bad the first time around... but everything about that pregnancy was different than this one. I didn't know the gut-wrenching pain of a loss. He was an unplanned pregnancy, and it never even occurred to me to worry about him in there during the whole thing. But then we went on to lose a baby that we wanted/planned for/tried for, and things changed.

    I don't think its wrong that people have gender preferences. Like I said, I've been there. The thing that has been bothering me is that my MIL is making me feel like I'm deciding whether or not this baby is a girl. If I am completely, one hundred percent, totally honest... and if I really got to choose the sex of the baby, I'd probably just pick boy. Because I love my son so much, that the idea of having another little boy for him to pick on and play with and for me to adore and love... its just... it sounds perfect. But I can just as easily imagine him being the loving overly protective older brother to a little sister, too. Basically... I want a daughter and another son equally as much. :shrug: If that makes sense?

    My husband very dearly wants a girl, though he's already said a couple of times that it would be pretty cool if DS had a little brother too. He just wants a girl to spoil, because DS is kind of a momma's boy, y'know? :)

    However, I don't think its fair that my MIL gets a preference. She can keep hoping for a granddaughter all she wants, but she didn't do any of the baby making, she isn't delivering the baby, and at the end of the day, the baby isn't sleeping under her roof 360ish days of the year. Why should she get to be so loud about which gender she would like? My husband has only stated a couple of times that he wants a girl. His stupid mother won't shut up about it. Which is why, I think, I feel like she's saying she'd love a little boy less or not at all. That's not a fair thing to convey to a pregnant mother who just wants a healthy baby. At least, I don't think it is.

    On the other hand, I couldn't give a hoot less if she loves my children. I can't stand the woman, and if she doesn't love my children, then it gives me all the more reason for me to stay as far away from her as possible. But I do want my kids to be able to love both of their grandmothers, and I shouldn't feel like I need to prepare to protect this baby (which I "feel" is a boy) from her purely because she's so damn loud about wanting a girl. If she wants a girl so bad, they should have adopted one after she had two boys!

    I do know that I won't be listening to this crap for the entire pregnancy, and already have a speech in mind to deliver to her stupid pink dreams the next time she mentions how deprived she's been her entire life because she ONLY got boys. At the end of the speech/rant, I plan to say, "Basically... if you're going to talk about this upcoming baby, the ONLY flavor of things I want to hear coming from your mouth is about the health of the baby and the due date. I don't want to hear about pink or blue anymore. I will honestly tell you to shut the f*** up. Its not your baby anyway."

    And, honestly... if your own mother said that ONLY having two boys wasn't good enough, how would that make you feel? My husband doesn't seem to mind (I think he's immune to his mother's stupidity)... but I think it bothers his little brother a bit. In every way, shape, and form... she's made it clear that her grandson is better than her children ever were. He's funnier, he's cuter, and she loves him more. I've actually heard her say those things, in front of both of her sons. If you were one of her sons, wouldn't you feel a little bit hurt and unappreciated... by your own mother, nonetheless? :nope:



    ...that turned into a bit of a "I really can't stand my MIL" rant. Sorry. I'm just frustrated with her and have no idea how to handle it without hurting my husband's feelings.
     

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