Excited for xmas but dreading it! help required!!

Discussion in 'Santa's Grotto' started by FierceAngel, Sep 2, 2009.

  1. FierceAngel

    FierceAngel Guest

    so ill start from the beggining! oh has an aunt (his mums sis) who has a big house loves doing all the organising etc etc..

    basically every year xmas birthdays easter everyone goes there..

    its never been a problem as oh mum was single so her, oh and sil would go round there, oh nan and grandad go there too, oh uncle is married to a lady who has no other family in the uk they have a daughter who is 2...

    with me so far!!!

    well last xmas was the first xmas where my mum and step dad had split.. the presure was on us to go to the aunts as they do every year.. grandparents even played the could be our last xmas card!

    so last xmas at 27 weeks pregnant we got up at 8am went straught to mil and spent 2 hours there having breekie and opening pressies.. we then went to oh dads house to see him and his wife and oh two other siblings...

    then we came back to my mums at about 1pm spent 2 hours with my mum and brother and at 3.30pm oh got a sarky phone call asking if we were gonna come round to the aunts or not! so off we went and spent rest of day evening there...

    there were many comments about how late we were blah blah and then about oh how are we all going to fit round the table next year with another high chair etc?! :saywhat:


    so my mum and bro had xmas dinner alone :(
    mum was ok said she would rather have us next year as first xmas with luisa.. on top of this my nan died at the end of jan so it was her last xmas and i didnt get to see her cos i just couldnt travel anymore that day :(


    so on to this year!!!
    we said in the new year tht this xmas the most important people to see luisa on xmas day would be her grandparents.. we also said we didnt want to be running around all day..

    so it was sorted my mum, bro, mil, sil was coming to us for dinner...

    my problem? the aunt stilll thinks we are going there :dohh:

    if it was you would you say something?

    i know its gonna cause rows and im gonna be the bad one (if it wasnt for me etc) but mil and sil had said they didnt want to go last year anyway...
     
  2. bubbles

    bubbles 1DS, 1DD & preggo

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    I would definately make it clear to the aunt hun. Maybe have a word with MIL to see if she would say something instead of leaving it down to you. Hope you get it sorted xx
     
  3. amazed

    amazed Mummy of 4 <3

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    I would just tell her that all that travelling on xmas day made it to stressful or something... xx
     
  4. Sarahkka

    Sarahkka Mama to Two Fine Boys!

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    Oh, I'd make it clear as soon as tactfully possible that the running around would be way too much for baby (sometimes they are very convenient excuses! :)), and maybe extend an invitation to her to come to yours, as well? That way she would feel included and the ball would be in her court to accept or not.
     
  5. FierceAngel

    FierceAngel Guest

    thanks hun

    tbh inviting her round isnt an option i dont have the room it would be her her husband and 4 children and they dont go anywere on xmas day...

    its easier for everyone to come to them.. which has been fine as even though her brother is married and has a child his wife has no family in the uk so it doesnt matter...

    im the first one to come along and have another family lol


    i think one thing im gonna find hard is if the grandparents play the last xmas card again.. it still hurts tht i didnt see my nan on her last xmas... i suppose maybe im resentful of that? its horrible cos his nan and grandad are lovely
     
  6. Sarahkka

    Sarahkka Mama to Two Fine Boys!

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    You know, families expand and everyone has to adjust, Your aunt will have to accept and sympathize with the fact that you now share her circumstances and can no longer cart your family over to hers. That's life. It's silly to get fussed about and if she does, that's her decision and her energy to waste (and her poor manners, I might add). You have nothing to feel guilty about or apologize for.
    For the grandparents, I'd just tell them that you are happy to do a celebration with them - just not on Christmas Day as it won't be fair on poor little Luisa to have masses of overstimulus, plus travelling. Offer them pre or post xmas. Families all over the western world make this compromise every year. They will just have to be reasonable about it.
    Do it for baby, then you'll be able to deflect all the guilt trips thrown your way! :)
     
  7. FierceAngel

    FierceAngel Guest

    thaznks xxx

    yh the celebrating before/after xmas thing is something ive always done with my family so i see it as the norm as well..

    just think oh aunt is used to getting her way and being in charge...

    its like cos we spent most of xmas day there we spent new years day with my nan (the one i lost 4 weeks later) and the aunt was also doing a big ny day dinner,,, she texted oh saying something like you dont know what your missing!
     
  8. Sarahkka

    Sarahkka Mama to Two Fine Boys!

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    Ugh.
    That's so passive aggressive.
    Too bad she needs to play the family matriarch and can't just relax and let everyone enjoy whatever plans they have. Hospitality and offering invitations is one thing, but it's important to be gracious when people can't accept your invitation, either. Nobody likes to be served a guilt trip. That just makes people want to avoid you eventually. Sort of defeats the purpose, doesn't it?
     
  9. FierceAngel

    FierceAngel Guest

    yh exactly which is why i hate going!

    at easter she said something about making her place fun so tht her neices and nephews and so far great neice will always be like i dont want to go to nan or grandads i wanna go to auntie x's in my head i was like whoa dont let MY mum here u say tht!"!


    i spoke to mil about it today and she said we have to do what we want to do.. if aunt is tht desperate to see luisa on xmas she can visit us which mil will doubt she will do as she wont want to travel on xmas

    tch tht suits me fine!!!
     

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