Excuses

Discussion in 'Breastfeeding' started by bloodbinds, Dec 22, 2009.

  1. bloodbinds

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    I don't want to start an arguement or anything, or upset anyone, but my tep-sister has just really annoyed me, though it's not first time i've heard an excuse like this!

    She told me she's stopped breast feeding (after about 10 days) and when i asked why she said her baby didn't like her milk?
    My friend a few months ago told me she stopped breast feeding because her milk just dried up randomly. One day she was breast feeding, and the next day there was nothing there?

    These are just silly, made-up excuses! Woman have been breastfeeding from the dawn of time! There was a time we could feed the baby nothing but breastmilk, no baby dislikes breastmilk, breasts dont dry up over night!

    I understand there are real excuses out there, real reasons why woman can't breastfeed, but if you don't have a real excuse, why make one up? Why are people ashamed to admit they just didn't want to do it any more? It is hard work, can be difficult, formula is easier and a lot of people want to go for the east option, so why not just admit it? I just don't see the reason to need to make up some pathetic excuse to why you have stopped breast feeding when really you just can't be bothered anymore! Lol.

    This might just be a rant because i really don't like my step-sister (if anyone has me on facebook, you'll understand why) so am mostly just ranting about her and her excuses, but over all it does just annoy me. If i ever stop breastfeeding because i can't be bothered anymore then i'm just going to admit i can't, not say 'ohh, baby doesn't seem to like my milk anymore' (I mean really, WTH?)
     
  2. lyre

    lyre Well-Known Member

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    people probably feel they have to make up excuses as they scared of being judged by others, even though it really isn't anyone elses business.
     
  3. jessica444

    jessica444 Member

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    this annoys me to id rather people just admit they didnt like it or it was too hard theres no shame in it we've probely all been close to giving up at the begining i no i was,am not saying there arnt real reasons why people need to stop tho.And like you say what did people do before formula was here?
     
  4. Seraphim

    Seraphim Amazing Baby Girl

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    The problem I have with this... is that its the reason I almost didn't TRY breastfeding.

    I was told by several people they 'counldnt' or it failed or didn't work out. Then when I was thinking about it for my baby... I asked what happened, and was told 'well I could have if I really wanted to.

    :shrug:
     
  5. luckyno2

    luckyno2 Well-Known Member

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    my sil said she stopped at 3 w because the baby wanted to feed every 3 hours ... heloooo it is a newborn and they have growth spurts IT IS NORMAL...but she also admitted she is supper selfish and did not want to be responsible for feeding the baby alone and her mom practically raised the baby while she went out clubbing... well she was 15 then
     
  6. petal040

    petal040 Guest

    I've heard loooads of these kind of things, even from someone I know who is pregnant and hasn't even had her LO yet. It gets to me too.

    I think it's because I feel that by making something up rather than being honest, the reality of breastfeeding - i.e. that it is bloody hard work sometimes, and a huge commitment and responsibility - is denied in some way.

    I think I feel a little that denying that reality is denying my reality - if that makes sense.

    It would make me feel much better and more supported if I could talk about bf in a realistic way with others who have done it, rather than having to pretend that while I find it very hard at times, they found it all wonderful and easy apart from the unfortunate lack of milk/milk drying up/baby not liking it etc etc. that led to them stopping after a few weeks.

    If a friend of mine said she was stopping bf because it was emotionally too hard - I would totally understand - I'd feel like I wasn't alone in finding it that difficult!!! It'd be refreshing to hear lol! It bothers me that women should feel so ashamed about this reality they believe they have to lie about it. I think it's maybe partly because of the dominant ideology of motherhood - and I could go into a big feminist rant now hahaha - but I won't :)
     
  7. Seraphim

    Seraphim Amazing Baby Girl

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    Well said petal :)
     
  8. CharlieP

    CharlieP Mum to Charlie

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    Its so true...I never heard anyone say breastfeeding was hard either physically or emotionally... I think the reality is that BF'ing is harder than labour - I've never done anything so exhausting in my life and I think if people had actually been more open about how hard it was I may have been more prepared!!

    Actually - maybe not (as people always told me motherhood was hard but I never thought it would be SO hard)...but it would have been nice to have known more of the ins and outs of BF'ing (the cluster feeding, the growth spurts, the comfort sucking)

    I do think people are scared of being judged as it is such a responsbility - I would never ever judge someone for giving up because it was too hard (as long as they gave it a good go) or because they had other children (I can't imagine how difficult it would be having a toddler and BF'ing).

    x
     
  9. nikki_j

    nikki_j Mummy to my baby Aiden :)

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    I breast fed for 12 days, and as much as I loved it, I gave up because it WAS hard and I had alot of pressure from OH family telling me it wasn't enough for my baby - he cried all the time, and they just kept telling me it wasn't enough. I ended up giving up, and I regret it to this day SO much. Reality why I gave up - pressure from family and lack of research into breastfeeding - I had no idea it would be so hard, and I honestly didn't realise my LO would want to feed for like 6 hours at a time. So it is my own fault. If I could go back in time and actually research and realise this is normal, I totally would have attempted to push through it. When people ask if he is breast fed, I personally feel under immense pressure to have some amazing valid excuse as to why I don't breast feed him and I feel like people think I'm bad for putting him on formula. It actually really upsets me, and I wish I had pushed through it, I think about it every day.

    I think alot of women feel the same as me, that they have to have a proper excuse rather than "I couldn't be bothered" when talking about how their babies are fed. It certainly wasn't a case of I couldn't be bothered with me, there were a number of reasons as I mentioned, but I had no problems with LO latching on or anything like that, which is probably why I feel so bad. I just wished I had asked for support from my midwife. I feel sad now :( x
     
  10. bloodbinds

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    Big hugs Nikki!


    See, if more woman were like nikki, and just admitted the actual reason why they gave up, we wouldn't have this horrible pressure to make up reasons.

    Breast feeding is the best start for your baby, it's well known, but there is no shame in giving up for yur own personal reasons.


    And Petal, you have actually explained how i feel about it so much better than i did, lol.
     
  11. cleckner04

    cleckner04 Well-Known Member

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    The one I hear the most is "I didn't make enough milk" When in reality the baby never even had a chance to build up the supply because they quit so soon. Cluster feeding and constant feeding is normal and that isn't what is advertised and women don't know any better so they give up saying their baby isn't getting enough. But it's extremely rare for a mother not to produce enough. I think lack of support and education with breastfeeding is the main reason people give up so easily. I get sick of the excuses too. I've had women outright lie to me about breastfeeding when they really didn't. I would never judge someone for not breastfeeding but I don't tolerate being lied to either. :nope:
     
  12. nikki_j

    nikki_j Mummy to my baby Aiden :)

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    I have immense respect for all you ladies who push through it. It IS bloody hard work and I only managed 12 days lol so I'm sure it gets harder, particulalry through th gowth spurts. But I also think if there was more info about HOW hard it is, some people may stick at it longer. I am definately not one for giving up on things, and that shows how hard I found it combined with the pressure I was getting. I never give up on things, and have to be in a right pickle to ask for help so massive congratulations to all of you. I just wish I had pushed through it, quite sad isn't it. I come on the breastfeeding forum and read some of the threads because I wish I had carried on. Its my only regret.

    But Petal - you are right - it annoys me aswell people having unfortunate excuses "baby didnt like the milk", but I honestly think women are made to feel like bad mothers or lazy mothers if we say we formula feed, so women make up weird and wonderful excuses. I have a friend who is very honest and says she just hates the idea of it. Her midwife dismissed it and made her feel awful about feeling this way - and she hasnt even had the baby yet! I think this is why women make up excuses. Can you imagine answering a question regarding your baby "I couldn't be bothered"? Although I think that isn't the case in many cases, I think majority of cases is it was too hard / lack of support, but because there is so much pressure to be a saint for a mother, lol, nobody will ever admit something was too hard.

    Wow I waffled on there didn't I. Well done ladies (again, lol)

    xxx
     
  13. nikki_j

    nikki_j Mummy to my baby Aiden :)

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  14. bloodbinds

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    There is another excuse which i'm not sure of where it 'hurt too much' still after 3 weeks. Now, i agree it does hurt at first, but as long as you latch properly it doesn't hurt, i told my friend this and she said that i was wrong and she was latching perfectly but her nipples were bleeding and it was really hurting. I told her if her nipples were bleeding, she wasn't latching properly but she was having none of it! Lol. She just said her nipples weren't meant for breast feeding.

    Again, it's like i want to shout at people saying we have been doing this since the dawn of time! Do you think the cave woman said to there friends 'i wasn't meant to breastfeed, so baby has to go without' ?? Lol.
     
  15. CharlieP

    CharlieP Mum to Charlie

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    Agreed... Lack of support and info in our mother's generation is a BIG problem.... When my LO was going through his 3 week growth spurt my MIL kept saying "he can't be hungry again"... "babies only need feeding every 4 hours"

    I nearly punched her in the mouth!! Luckily the HV came the same day and set her straight... But she wouldn't believe me when I was telling her the same thing.

    X x
     
  16. CharlieP

    CharlieP Mum to Charlie

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    Oh yeah and she said "babies didn't have growth spurts in our day"!
     
  17. nikki_j

    nikki_j Mummy to my baby Aiden :)

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    That's what I kept getting. "He's a hungry baby, your milk isn't enough" from OH VERY opinionated nan, and the same from his mum. When I talk about growth spurts they look at me like I'm going mad, lol. They phoned me evvvvvery day, and LO was always crying, and his nan actually said to me "oh I'm begging you to put him on formula" :( So I felt like I wasn't giving him the right thing. Oh well. I shall know for next time round hey. Made out to the HV that all was fine and dandy. I wish I didn't do that, I always do it. Really should just learn to accept help and support. I just wish I knew before that it would be like that and didnt listen to other people! x
     
  18. Logan's Mum

    Logan's Mum ....plus Eric : )

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    I think its hard when you have to stop breastfeeding for a genuine reason, I now have to formula feed as Logan was losing weight with just BFing. Since I had to stop when he was 4 months its kinda better than earlier, when it would look like I was just quitting as I couldnt be bothered. I really wanted to keep it up until he was 1 years too :cry: My auntie said she never breastfed either of her 2 children as she had what she called "body issues", and just couldnt bear the thought of feeding her babies herself. I totally respect her decision, it must have been hard admitting it as well, especially as shes such a confident person.
     
  19. Maffie

    Maffie Guest


    I'm afraid I have to disagree with this, your nipples can bleed if latched properly. I was checked many many times and my baby has a great latch but some patches of my skin have been left extremly sensitive after recovering from thrush so it is possible to have a good latch and still suffer from pain and bleeding.
     
  20. caz81

    caz81 Well-Known Member

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    i dont think people are always giving 'excuses' i really wanted to breast feed but i had a c-section and they bottle fed my baby afterwards, i then tried and tried to get her to latch on but she would not, there is no help or support with breast feeding were i am (currently staying in Oman) so i was stuck... i feel really guilty everytime i bottle feed her, i wanted to breast feed so much and feel that chance was taken away from me
     

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