Excuses

[Tiff]

There is another excuse which i'm not sure of where it 'hurt too much' still after 3 weeks. Now, i agree it does hurt at first, but as long as you latch properly it doesn't hurt, i told my friend this and she said that i was wrong and she was latching perfectly but her nipples were bleeding and it was really hurting. I told her if her nipples were bleeding, she wasn't latching properly but she was having none of it! Lol. She just said her nipples weren't meant for breast feeding.

Again, it's like i want to shout at people saying we have been doing this since the dawn of time! Do you think the cave woman said to there friends 'i wasn't meant to breastfeed, so baby has to go without' ?? Lol.

Its statements like this that make people feel the need to make up stuff. You really think that someone is going to want to tell you that they 'just didn't like it' when you're saying stuff like that?

These topics are seriously offensive. You are BF your little one and that is great. I stopped after 3 weeks. Are you going to give me your cavewoman speech about what would I have done back in the neanderthal days?

What I will never understand is why people feel the need to comment on other peoples parenting styles. To each their own!

 

[CharlieP]

i dont think people are always giving 'excuses' i really wanted to breast feed but i had a c-section and they bottle fed my baby afterwards, i then tried and tried to get her to latch on but she would not, there is no help or support with breast feeding were i am (currently staying in Oman) so i was stuck... i feel really guilty everytime i bottle feed her, i wanted to breast feed so much and feel that chance was taken away from me

You shouldn't feel guilty... C Sections are notorious for causing BF issues. xxxxx

 

[petal040]

These topics are seriously offensive.

I apologise to anyone I might have offended - because that wasn't my intention - on the contrary, I feel we should be able to talk openly and honestly (on a forum and in real life) about all aspects of breastfeeding without it being seen as offensive.

In my opinion, breastfeeding is a hugely personal and intimate thing that happens between a mother and baby, and nobody else - much in the same way that pregnancy is. How a woman chooses to feed her baby is therefore a very personal decision (and so, possibly a very emotional subject for her).

I agree that the information we are given about breastfeeding is misleading and doesn't prepare people enough. How can women make informed choices if they aren't informed? I know that for me it caused a lot of stress and upset that could have been avoided. Maybe by me choosing not to bf - or maybe by enabling me to start off with my eyes open, knowing what to expect. I still feel very upset about the idealistic picture of breastfeeding (and the picture of perfect or desirable motherhood that goes with it) that was painted for me.

If I had a second child, I am not sure if I would breastfeed. It's hard for me to admit that, because I feel others will see me as less of a mother or inadequate in some way - but that's because of propaganda and misleading information (not just that passed on by women who feel under such pressure that they have to bend the truth, but also that in all the 'encouraging' information and advertising I see everywhere - for example, all over the walls in my doctor surgery)... not because I would be less of a mother or inadequate in reality.

The reality is that I could be a wonderful and amazing mummy without bf. It's one part of millions of aspects of raising a child.

And now I'm going to stop - because I am going on way to much and probably not making much sense!

Again apologies if I have offended anyone

 

[TigerLady]

TBH, I think we do make it hard for others to admit the "real" reasons behind giving up. And we do make them feel guilty -- even if we claim we don't judge them.

It is a double edged sword to me.

I am proud that I am exclusively BFing my son. I feel it is an accomplishment. I love to say that I am a breastfeeding mom.

Do you know many FF moms that feel the same? I don't.

Just the fact that I am proud of my accomplishment implies that I ACHIEVED something special -- which in turns automatically implies that someone that didn't accomplish the same thing failed in some way.

So, we say "you didn't fail" and "I don't care why you didn't BFed, just say the truth" but just by having "bragging rights" to BFing we send a different message.

I have actually struggled with this. I admire those that tried and had to give up for various reasons. I feel bad they couldn't continue and I feel even worse they are made to feel like a failure for it.

But I want to be proud that my son is exclusively BFed. It is hard for me to find the balance between being proud and not hurting the feelings of those that couldn't have the same thing.

As for women that "just can't be bothered": to me that is a whole different issue. I'm afraid to touch that one.

 

[Tiff]

Oh, I don't ever want anyone to feel that they can't be proud of the fact that they have succeeded in breastfeeding! I agree, it is very hard to keep at it and I think its awesome that people have been able to persevere through it! Damn straight you should be proud of it.

Its the comments like the one I bolded "Again, it's like i want to shout at people saying we have been doing this since the dawn of time! Do you think the cave woman said to there friends 'i wasn't meant to breastfeed, so baby has to go without' ??" that are unnecessary, IMO. That's crossing the line of being proud of the fact that you have been able to breastfeed and into the territory of seeming judging to those who either never tried or did but stopped.

I'm glad I made my decision to stop breastfeeding. It wasn't working for Claire and I and in the end she has thrived, and is happy and healthy. Truly thats all that we should want as parents? Anyways, just wanted to point out that I definitely agree... be proud of your accomplishments... but in doing that don't be judgmental on those who didn't.

Not sure if I am making sense?

 

[nikki_j]

Tyff, you make perfect sense to me. It is true, there is a fine line between breast feeding mothers being proud of their accomplishment and that in turn making formula fed mums feel like a failure as they didn't "accomplish" it. This is a very sensitive subject to be posting about in the first place with the title "Excuses" I must admit... I do wish I had pushed through, and it makes me sad that I didn't... but I have to learn not to beat myself up about it, Aiden is as healthy as he can be, and I still did that whether I give him bottles from a carton or from my boobs! I take my hat off to breast feeding mothers, you should be proud of yourself, but so should us formula mummies. We know "breast is best", its rammed down our throats just about everywhere you turn, I mean it even says it on the bloody cartons of formula!

So, my hats off to you, you're all doing a remarkable job and I wish I could be doing the same, but some posters should be a little more sensitive in my opinion... alot of formula feeding mummies, like myself, already feel bad enough, without a thread about "excuses"...

xxx

 

[DolceBella]

Just to play devil's advocate here and defend the OP a little... She did post this topic in the breastfeeding section....

 

[JayleighAnn]

I'm keeping out of this one! Lets just all stop now before this turns into a huuuuuuge argument and gets locked.

Someone else's excuses are just that, SOMEONE ELSE'S so just it to them!

 

[DolceBella]

I agree JayleighAnn! The OP said she wasn't looking to start an argument. Perhaps just venting.. I would say this thread has run it's course.

 

[Tiff]

Tyff, you make perfect sense to me. It is true, there is a fine line between breast feeding mothers being proud of their accomplishment and that in turn making formula fed mums feel like a failure as they didn't "accomplish" it. This is a very sensitive subject to be posting about in the first place with the title "Excuses" I must admit... I do wish I had pushed through, and it makes me sad that I didn't... but I have to learn not to beat myself up about it, Aiden is as healthy as he can be, and I still did that whether I give him bottles from a carton or from my boobs! I take my hat off to breast feeding mothers, you should be proud of yourself, but so should us formula mummies. We know "breast is best", its rammed down our throats just about everywhere you turn, I mean it even says it on the bloody cartons of formula!

So, my hats off to you, you're all doing a remarkable job and I wish I could be doing the same, but some posters should be a little more sensitive in my opinion... alot of formula feeding mummies, like myself, already feel bad enough, without a thread about "excuses"...

xxx

You did what you could hun, and no one can fault you for that at all!

Just to play devil's advocate here and defend the OP a little... She did post this topic in the breastfeeding section....

Well, I could play Devil's Advocate as well and say that because I FF, I can't read/respond to topics in the breastfeeding section?

What if I was in here because I really felt sad and down about it not working out for me and was wanting to find some advice/browse threads to see if I could find some helpful tips for next time? What if I was pregnant but not wanting to announce it yet and was doing some homework to try and make BF work for me this time? Then come across something like this? People can say they don't want to start an argument and I am certainly not 'arguing', but that doesn't give someone a free pass to be rude.

I agree 100% that BF mothers should be proud of their accomplishments. I like seeing the "X-Amount" breastfeeding milestone blinkies. I always look at them and think how awesome it is that they have made it that far. Its the derogatory comments that are unneeded. People need to remember that alot of pregnant women browse these forums wanting to find help/support.

I say we keep it to the supporting type threads, and if you want to grouch about people's excuses for stopping BF then do so away from the public parts of the forum.

 

[nikki_j]

What if I was in here because I really felt sad and down about it not working out for me and was wanting to find some advice/browse threads to see if I could find some helpful tips for next time? :

This is why I browse the breast feeding forums... because I felt sad (I actually said this in one of the first posts, and because I will aim to go longer next time, so want as much info as possible xx

 

[pip holder]

I'm proud to have fed my baby for this long EITHER way without cracking up

I initially only wanted to breastfeed for selfish practical reasons but it turned into something more and felt like I needed to do it 'I' needed to , not anyone else and I would never judge FFing girls, they have to put up with a lot too.

I can understand the OP but I think we need a little empathy over this, it's a massively emotive topic and lots of people are made to feel bad if they can't BF.

There is a BF militia out there (not on this site I hasten to add) who make you feel like a shite mum if you don't BF until your child leaves for University and it would take a very confident new mum to stand up to them and say 'well it ain't for me' I know I wouldn't THIS is why you get girls feeling they have to lie.


Lets have a bit of Christmas love for everyone now please

 

[Tiff]

This is why I browse the breast feeding forums... because I felt sad (I actually said this in one of the first posts, and because I will aim to go longer next time, so want as much info as possible xx

Awww hun!

There are TONS of awesome breastfeeding Mama's on here who will help/be there for you every step of the way for next time!

Also if you ever want to talk about feeling bad about stopping you can always PM me. I was so upset when I stopped and cried my eyes out when I gave Claire her first bottle of formula. I've come to terms with it now, but will definitely be on board for trying again when I have another!

 

[JayleighAnn]

This is why I browse the breast feeding forums... because I felt sad (I actually said this in one of the first posts, and because I will aim to go longer next time, so want as much info as possible xx

Awww hun!

There are TONS of awesome breastfeeding Mama's on here who will help/be there for you every step of the way for next time!

Also if you ever want to talk about feeling bad about stopping you can always PM me. I was so upset when I stopped and cried my eyes out when I gave Claire her first bottle of formula. I've come to terms with it now, but will definitely be on board for trying again when I have another!

you should never feel bad if you've FF hun, BF is bloody hard!!

As long as no one feeding their babies battery acid then I don't see a problem

 

[nikki_j]

This is why I browse the breast feeding forums... because I felt sad (I actually said this in one of the first posts, and because I will aim to go longer next time, so want as much info as possible xx

Awww hun!

There are TONS of awesome breastfeeding Mama's on here who will help/be there for you every step of the way for next time!

Also if you ever want to talk about feeling bad about stopping you can always PM me. I was so upset when I stopped and cried my eyes out when I gave Claire her first bottle of formula. I've come to terms with it now, but will definitely be on board for trying again when I have another!

Thank you ladies I say about it to my OH pretty much every day and he really doesn't get it! I will defbe on board next time round though, all prepared lol. Just feels so silly, 2 months on and I'm STILL upset / feeling guilty about it!? xx

 

[becstar]

I think it's not always lying anyway - often people genuinely do think they've not got enough milk etc as they don't know how long it takes to come in, or that baby will feed non-stop for a while to get your supply in. I know too that my friend was desperate, absolutely desperate, to bf her daughter, but she had very flat nipples and her baby couldn't latch on. She stayed in hospital a few extra days and had constant midwife support and they could not get her daughter to latch. She pumped instead for as long as she could but always felt like a failure for that, and she absolutely shouldn't have.

It's a very emotive topic and sometimes it's a bit like saying 'well why did you have an episiotomy, you just didn't try hard enough to push the baby out on your own, did you?'

Lots of people do try very hard but stop because bfing is bloody hard at first - add to tyhat the lack of sleep (which is a form of torture incidentally as it can really torment you), a swollen and bleeding hoo-ha and pressure from those who love you to give the baby formula and hell, I can see why so many people do it! It was only sheer bloody-mindedness that stopped me from reaching for formula. I didn't get the birth I wanted, I was damned if anything would stop me feeding her the way I wanted! I am aware though that I have been lucky and always had plenty of milk and a daughter who latched on immediately she got out of the womb! I can't imagine how I would have got through it had her latch been poor - I had been without sleep for over 48 hours and was knackered.

I know lots of people who say 'I didn't have enough milk so I had to formula feed' INCLUDING a friend who is a midwife, and I reckon lots of them would have done if they'd stuck at it as I know it's rare not to produce enough - but hey, it's their baby, their body, their choice. Or occasionally, their lack of information and support to overcome obstacles. And maybe the real reason was that they didn't really want to, or were shy of their boobs being on display... None of us know what other women are going through to make the decisions they have.

Having a baby is so utterly, utterly overwhelming and life changing and mentally I was a wreck for days, weeks, really. For me breastfeeding was the life raft I clung to to keep me focussed but it was bloody hard and I can totally understand how to others it would be the straw that broke the camel's back.

I hope that's not patronising to FFing mums, it's not intended to be. I know equally that many people just choose it and don't try bfing - not my business either.

 

[Tiff]

Thank you ladies I say about it to my OH pretty much every day and he really doesn't get it! I will defbe on board next time round though, all prepared lol. Just feels so silly, 2 months on and I'm STILL upset / feeling guilty about it!? xx

Not silly at all hun! Its such an emotional thing to do, and you want the best for your baby! When I gave Claire her first bottle of formula I was so upset, figuring that I was dooming her to SIDS, all sorts of bacterias and I might as well have slapped a nipple on a bottle of rat poison. She refused my one breast, I had 3 different lactation consultants and Public Health Nurses all try the different holds but somehow she knew she was on the breast that she disliked.

Then she was losing too much weight, and I couldn't take the pain anymore of exclusively BF on one breast. When I stopped I got engorged, and my one breast swelled up to the size of a melon and the other stayed normal. I made the best choice for us, but yes there are still parts of me that wishes I persevered more and tried a bit harder.

Tbh, it took me quite awhile to stop feeling upset about stopping, like I failed her somehow. Don't ever feel silly for being upset about it. Oh, and yeah... my OH doesn't get it either.

Although, when you really want to do something and it is taken from you sometimes people don't ever get over it. My MIL is STILL devastated that when she gave birth to my OH the nurses gave him a bottle of formula instead of letting attempt to BF and my OH rejected the breast after that. She still talks to this day about how much it upset her, and my OH is 35 years old!

 

[Tiff]

Becstar, that wasn't patronizing at all! Well said!

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

What if I was pregnant but not wanting to announce it yet and was doing some homework to try and make BF work for me this time? Then come across something like this?

That is exactly how I came across this thread, reading in order to prepared for when my LO arrives. I must say threads like this just add to all the tonnes of pressure that midwives etc already heap on pregnant women to breastfeed. To be honest, it's reading threads like this which are exactly why I think...maybe I should just FF from the start. BFing is hard work, and at least then I would never have to "justify" myself for not carrying on should it not work out for me. It also makes me feel like if for some reason I can't BF everyone will think I'm a liar who just couldn't be bothered to feed my baby. Not a great thing for those who may already have concerns about BFing to read, especially when they already have zero support from family or friends xx

 

[nikki_j]

Well said indeed xx