Excuses

[nikki_j]

I thought this thread did pretty well aswell... I think the main issues that came out were that we all appreciated how bloody hard it is to breastfeed, and we have all acknowledged that fact... and we have also highlighted the reasons WHY formula feeding mums have to make up excuses - it wasn't an attack on "preachy" breast feeding mums - it is sadly the way society is at the moment, that women are made to feel judged if they give up on breast feeding.

I have said every time in my posts that I have the utmost respect for the women who pushed through, and I really feel that there is a lack of support and education on the real reality of breast feeding. It is made out to be this natural, easy, lovely thing to do for your baby, when in reality, it is not like that. And I feel there should be alot more education on this. Had I of known, I personally think I would have tried to keep going. And that's what I beat myself up about every day, because had I of done more reseacrch and not have this perfect image of breastfeeding, I probably wouldn't have given up so soon thinking my baby was just "too hungry" as my OH's family kept lecturing me.

So... I think well done ladies, I think it was a very dignified and pretty informative thread actually, everybody discussed and gave opinions.... no??
xxx

 

[twists183]

When I met one of the ladies from Little angels she reassured me of the one about milk drying up - so many ladies have said that's what happened to them I was scared it would happen to me, I love breast feeding (now I do, at first I found it so exhausting though).


But...my Best friend did turn out to be allergic to her mothers milk - had to be fed a soya based milk from a few weeks old because she had such a severed reaction. I think genetically that tells me she was probably a throw back

 

[bloodbinds]

Also - to all who found my cavewoman comment offensive i apologise, it's just that thought which has kept me on breastfeeding. Back then they had to breastfeed, they had no choice, no other way to feed their babies, no other option. I imagined if i had no other options then i would stick to it, so that's just what i did! Pretended to myself without my breast milk, my LO would go hungry. I'm lucky that i've had no complications and i've been able to breastfeed and i hope i can continue on! But that's why i used the cavewoman example. If a cavewoman can do it, so can i! Lol.

 

[twists183]

I so wanted to breastfeed

But I didnt get enough support weird hey when MW's are so for it. I remember just having aidan and I had gone down to the ward and He was crying. I rang the bell and a MW came in and I said he is hungry (whilst trying to get him to latch on) what shall I do. She said Just feed him. In the end my nipples wer so sore becaus he wasnt latched propely and he was in such a state

later another MW came in and said sorry she is training. By that time I was an emotinal wreck and aidan was not settling. I tried again but by that time I was so tired. I tryed when I got home but by that time I gave up and gave him a bottle

I just couldnt do it and that expereince has proberly put me off for life. Maybe an excuse. But I am scare dof going through that again
xx

I think this is the worst thing about it all - it is the support thatmakes breast feeding bearable, I nearly gave up so much if it wasn't for my husband reassuring and encouraging me. But he'd have had no chance if I'd have enociuntered the problems you did in the hospital. Luckily the mW's I encountered were supportive and helpful but there were many with differing views and I could sense some wouldv'e whapped a bottle in his mouth if I'd have let them - I know this happened to a friend who then had 5 days of hell reeducating her daughter to latch and suck becuase she'd met a bottle on her second feed in this world and thought - hey this is easy!
I'm not saying all MW's are awful but you do need to be supported and reassured and made to feel ok. When the skin on my nipple was shaved off from breast feeding in the early days I was really at the end of my tether but I kept up because of the support I had.

Thank you to all those people who supported me and the other ladeis out in the world - you know who you are.

 

[Tiff]

Also - to all who found my cavewoman comment offensive i apologise, it's just that thought which has kept me on breastfeeding. Back then they had to breastfeed, they had no choice, no other way to feed their babies, no other option. I imagined if i had no other options then i would stick to it, so that's just what i did! Pretended to myself without my breast milk, my LO would go hungry. I'm lucky that i've had no complications and i've been able to breastfeed and i hope i can continue on! But that's why i used the cavewoman example. If a cavewoman can do it, so can i! Lol.

Put that way, it makes alot more sense! Honestly, at the end of the day whatever it took to make you persevere and keep at it is good, IMO.

 

[bloodbinds]

Ahh, but you kind of feel like you do, when you see threads and comments like the OP. No one wants to feel that people are judging them, or saying that they are bad mothers... and having someone make mean comments makes you want to defend yourself.

I know I wanted to defend myself when I saw these types of threads. Although I wasn't as objective at the time, it was more of a "HOW FREAKING DARE YOU" type of response. I'm not saying that I was right in doing that, and have worked on making it not so personal... but its been agreed upon that BF is a highly emotional topic.

'These type of threads' ??? This thread was being upset about people making up excuses for stopping breastfeeding when there are people out there with actual reasons for stopping, it's just rude. This was nothing to do with FF being wrong, or people who have stopped BFing are bad people?? Every day i think about giving up, and i know if i have another child then i don't think i'll be breastfeeding, so at no point am i judging anyone for stopping breastfeeding! And it's very rude of you to think that's what i'm doing when no where have i said that at all. I think you need to get your facts right before you start insulting people as it's very offensive.


Only just read that comment and it has really upset me :-/

 

[Tiff]

Ahh, but you kind of feel like you do, when you see threads and comments like the OP. No one wants to feel that people are judging them, or saying that they are bad mothers... and having someone make mean comments makes you want to defend yourself.

I know I wanted to defend myself when I saw these types of threads. Although I wasn't as objective at the time, it was more of a "HOW FREAKING DARE YOU" type of response. I'm not saying that I was right in doing that, and have worked on making it not so personal... but its been agreed upon that BF is a highly emotional topic.

'These type of threads' ??? This thread was being upset about people making up excuses for stopping breastfeeding when there are people out there with actual reasons for stopping, it's just rude. This was nothing to do with FF being wrong, or people who have stopped BFing are bad people?? Every day i think about giving up, and i know if i have another child then i don't think i'll be breastfeeding, so at no point am i judging anyone for stopping breastfeeding! And it's very rude of you to think that's what i'm doing when no where have i said that at all. I think you need to get your facts right before you start insulting people as it's very offensive.

Well I suppose its my own fault for trying to be understanding and accommodating. If you really read my post, you'll see that I admitted that it wasn't right of me to freak out when I saw stuff like this. I wasn't the only person who felt that your posts were a slam against FF Moms. Although truly, I thought that we had gotten past this, and everyone understood what the reasons were, so what on earth is with this post?

Okay, then fine. How is it any of your business what people say when they stop? Who cares if you find that it is "rude" against people who pull through? Do your thing, other people do theirs. Don't make it your business, and others do the same for you. No fuss, no muss.

Edit:

Also, how is it exactly, "rude" for people to make up excuses? I think a bunch of other people posted about how intimidating it is for people to feel like they have to explain themselves?

Personally, I think it shouldn't matter. You either FF, or you BF. At the end of the day your LO is getting milk and being fed and that is what is important. I think the reasons why people FF (or BF) should be their own and that's the end of it.

Although, I don't see how my post was rude either. Could you explain why? Then maybe I can better explain myself? Kind of like how you did the the cavewoman comment. Put into perspective and how it was what got you through made SO much more sense.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Tyff did not mean to offend she was just saying that yes it did come across as another dig at FF mums

My bacj certaintly went up when I first read it

You have expalined your reasons and we can see now this thread was going great no arguments or anything but going back and commenting on what has already been resolves is a recipe for disaster
xx

 

[bloodbinds]

I find it rude because my sister had actual real bad problems with breast feeding and had to give up because of it. So when my step-sister makes up an excuse about stopping breastfeeding it upsets me because she didn't go through all that my sister did - but i didn't want to get into all that so i just wanted to rant about my step-sister mostly. And it is my personal opinion that it upsets me when people make up excuses, i wasn't asking anyone to care about my opinion or agree with it - i just wanted to rant - which a lot of people do here, i didn't think i wouldn't be allowed?

And no, it's not right for you to freak out at threads like this as this thread is not offensive what so ever, or it's not meant to be at least.

 

[bloodbinds]

Tyff did not mean to offend she was just saying that yes it did come across as another dig at FF mums

My bacj certaintly went up when I first read it

You have expalined your reasons and we can see now this thread was going great no arguments or anything but going back and commenting on what has already been resolves is a recipe for disaster
xx

well it wasnt resolved for me, i only had a chance this morning to read all the posts and i didnt think it fair that i was being slandered without a chance to defend myself or explain my words, which is why i've quote past comments.

 

[Tiff]

I find it rude because my sister had actual real bad problems with breast feeding and had to give up because of it. So when my step-sister makes up an excuse about stopping breastfeeding it upsets me because she didn't go through all that my sister did - but i didn't want to get into all that so i just wanted to rant about my step-sister mostly. And it is my personal opinion that it upsets me when people make up excuses, i wasn't asking anyone to care about my opinion or agree with it - i just wanted to rant - which a lot of people do here, i didn't think i wouldn't be allowed?

And no, it's not right for you to freak out at threads like this as this thread is not offensive what so ever, or it's not meant to be at least.

Even the best laid plans to go awry. I could say the same thing about my post. That I never meant to be offensive, so it isn't right for you to freak out at me either. Which, btw... is true. I never meant to be offensive with my post.

Sometimes even the best intentions can be mistaken for other things. Which is why it is better to discuss them rather than to think "Well GEEZ" and not get all the facts.

Did you even read my post? I said that I didn't agree with the freaking out either! It ISN'T right! I'm damn proud of myself for coming as far along as I have with not going in somewhere guns blazing and wanting to make an argument out of it.

So now I feel the basic jist is this: It is not right for me to freak out, because you didn't mean to be offensive. However, it is okay for you to freak out at me even though I didn't mean to be offensive either.

Sorry, but that's the perception I'm getting. =/

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Well I am sorry you feel that way
xx

 

[bloodbinds]

Ahh, but you kind of feel like you do, when you see threads and comments like the OP. No one wants to feel that people are judging them, or saying that they are bad mothers... and having someone make mean comments makes you want to defend yourself.

I know I wanted to defend myself when I saw these types of threads. Although I wasn't as objective at the time, it was more of a "HOW FREAKING DARE YOU" type of response. I'm not saying that I was right in doing that, and have worked on making it not so personal... but its been agreed upon that BF is a highly emotional topic.

'These type of threads' ??? This thread was being upset about people making up excuses for stopping breastfeeding when there are people out there with actual reasons for stopping, it's just rude. This was nothing to do with FF being wrong, or people who have stopped BFing are bad people?? Every day i think about giving up, and i know if i have another child then i don't think i'll be breastfeeding, so at no point am i judging anyone for stopping breastfeeding! And it's very rude of you to think that's what i'm doing when no where have i said that at all. I think you need to get your facts right before you start insulting people as it's very offensive.

Well I suppose its my own fault for trying to be understanding and accommodating. If you really read my post, you'll see that I admitted that it wasn't right of me to freak out when I saw stuff like this. I wasn't the only person who felt that your posts were a slam against FF Moms. Although truly, I thought that we had gotten past this, and everyone understood what the reasons were, so what on earth is with this post?

Okay, then fine. How is it any of your business what people say when they stop? Who cares if you find that it is "rude" against people who pull through? Do your thing, other people do theirs. Don't make it your business, and others do the same for you. No fuss, no muss.

Edit:

Also, how is it exactly, "rude" for people to make up excuses? I think a bunch of other people posted about how intimidating it is for people to feel like they have to explain themselves?

Personally, I think it shouldn't matter. You either FF, or you BF. At the end of the day your LO is getting milk and being fed and that is what is important. I think the reasons why people FF (or BF) should be their own and that's the end of it.

Although, I don't see how my post was rude either. Could you explain why? Then maybe I can better explain myself? Kind of like how you did the the cavewoman comment. Put into perspective and how it was what got you through made SO much more sense.

your post was rude because you insinuated that i was being judgemental and thinking FF mums were 'bad mums' when i don't think that at all. Also by you saying that this thread was one of 'those threads' meant to insult FF mums when it clearly wasnt and i stated that at the beginning. That's how i thought it was rude. And i think it's rude to make up an excuse to stop breastfeedng when it's an actual lie and when there are people out there who actually have had their milk dry up or other reasons for stopping. In my view it's like saying to someone that your mum has died, when they haven't. It's insulting to people who actually have had their mother die, because they haven't actually gone through it, if that makes sense?

I think at least we can agree on, either BF or FF, you are doing what you think is best for your LO, and as long as they are getting fed and are healthy and growing, that's all that matters!!


It is upsetting that people think they need to make up excuses because they feel they will be judged by other mums, i would never dream of judging someone for deciding to FF because of what my sister went through in her decision to FF. If she ever thought i was being judgemental towards a FF mum she would give me a slap! Lol.

 

[Tiff]

Well, I'm sorry you feel that way too. I'm definitely not going to try and argue with you, as your mind is made up.

You are right, at the end of the day the babies are being fed and thats what matters! Its too close to Christmas for me to want to get into it with anyone. Definitely didn't mean to offend.

And I'm out.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Big hugs ladies
xx

 

[bloodbinds]

Think we are just going to have to have a hug!! Lol. We feel differently, but we agree on the important thing, which is good at least! *hugs*

 

[golcarlilly]

Its so true...I never heard anyone say breastfeeding was hard either physically or emotionally... I think the reality is that BF'ing is harder than labour - I've never done anything so exhausting in my life and I think if people had actually been more open about how hard it was I may have been more prepared!!

Actually - maybe not (as people always told me motherhood was hard but I never thought it would be SO hard)...but it would have been nice to have known more of the ins and outs of BF'ing (the cluster feeding, the growth spurts, the comfort sucking)

I do think people are scared of being judged as it is such a responsbility - I would never ever judge someone for giving up because it was too hard (as long as they gave it a good go) or because they had other children (I can't imagine how difficult it would be having a toddler and BF'ing).

x

I couldn't agree more!

 

[avabear73]

Maybe we should have a thread with what our difficulties were and how we overcame them ...

 

[golcarlilly]

Hi ava :wave: that would be a good thread, I have quit bf now but would be happy to give my two penneth about it!

 

[Sunshine12]

I find it rude because my sister had actual real bad problems with breast feeding and had to give up because of it. So when my step-sister makes up an excuse about stopping breastfeeding it upsets me because she didn't go through all that my sister did - but i didn't want to get into all that so i just wanted to rant about my step-sister mostly. And it is my personal opinion that it upsets me when people make up excuses, i wasn't asking anyone to care about my opinion or agree with it - i just wanted to rant - which a lot of people do here, i didn't think i wouldn't be allowed?

And no, it's not right for you to freak out at threads like this as this thread is not offensive what so ever, or it's not meant to be at least.

I dont think Tyff was at all out of order, if it did cause a gutt reaction offence to Tyff or anyone else (albeit unintentionally) then its their right to vocalise it or at least explain it should they choose to.... the same way as its your right to post in the first place.

I thought the thread was back to being all nice again!! x